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Here are 12 of the finest double-entendres aired on TV & Radio, some familiar but all the better for being collated into a handy package . . .
- Pat Glenn, weightlifting commentator - 'And this is Gregoriava from Bulgaria. I saw her snatch this morning and it was amazing!'
- New Zealand Rugby Commentator - 'Andrew Mehrtens loves it when Daryl Gibson comes inside of him.'
- Ted Walsh - Horse Racing Commentator - 'This is really a lovely horse. I once rode her mother.'
- Harry Carpenter at the Oxford-Cambridge boat race 1977 - 'Ah, isn't that nice. The wife of the Cambridge President is kissing the Cox of the Oxford crew.'
- US PGA Commentator - 'One of the reasons Arnie (Arnold Palmer) is playing so well is that, before each tee shot, his wife takes out his balls and kisses them ..... Oh my god!!!!! What have I just said?!!!!'
- Carenza Lewis about finding food in the Middle Ages on 'Time Team Live' said: 'You'd eat beaver if you could get it.'
- A female news anchor who, the day after it was supposed to have snowed and didn't, turned to the weatherman and asked, 'So Bob, where's that eight inches you promised me last night?' Not only did HE have to leave the set, but half the crew did too, because they were laughing so hard!
- Steve Ryder covering the US Masters: 'Ballesteros felt much better today after a 69 yesterday.'
- Clair Frisby talking about a jumbo hot dog on Look North said: 'There's nothing like a big hot sausage inside you on a cold night like this.'
- Mike Hallett discussing missed snooker shots on Sky Sports: 'Stephen Hendry jumps on Steve Davis's misses every chance he gets.'
- Michael Buerk on watching Phillipa Forrester cuddle up to a male astronomer for warmth during BBC1's UK eclipse coverage remarked: 'They seem cold out there, they're rubbing each other and he's only come in his shorts.'
- Ken Brown commentating on golfer Nick Faldo and his caddie Fanny Sunneson lining-up shots at the Scottish Open: 'Some weeks Nick likes to use Fanny, other weeks he prefers to do it by himself.'
1. ClamWin Free Antivirus
This Windows-only app uses the incredibly popular ClamAV engine to detect viruses and spyware. It includes a scanning scheduler, automatic downloads, and a Microsoft Outlook plug-in. However, it does not provide real-time scanning; you'll need to scan your files manually in order to be protected. Operating System: Windows.
Numerous commercial and open-source products are based on the Clam Antivirus engine. Designed for protecting e-mail gateways, Clam AV offers automatic updates, a command line scanner, and more. Operating System: Unix, Linux, BSD.
Want to make sure that file you deleted can never be retrieved? Eraser writes over your files with random data so that no one can snoop into your private files. Operating System: Windows and DOS.
15. Darik's Boot and Nuke
Also known as "DBAN," Darik's Boot and Nuke completely eliminates all of the data on a hard drive. It's an ideal way to clean up an old computer before you donate or recycle it. Operating System: OS Independent.
Wipe erases all traces of deleted files from your hard drive so that they can't be retrieved. It relies heavily on the work of Peter Gutmann, one of the foremost experts in the field. Operating System: Linux.
Internet Security Suites
Calling itself "an opensource watchdog for Windows," Winpooch incorporates anti-spyware and anti-trojan capabilities with ClamWin Antivirus. It aims to give the user complete control over which programs are running on the system. Operating System: Windows.
The DemocraKey tagline says it all: "It's like a condom for your computer." Install it on a portable drive and plug it in to any computer. DemocraKey scans for viruses and protects your privacy while you surf. Operating System: Windows.
There's a lot more to look at, if you're so inclined.
In honor of the recent disclosure about Clemens' past, I submit the following:
Roger Clemens, disguised in sunglasses and a wide-brimmed hat, snuck into the hotel. When he opened the door to his room, he saw that his girlfriend was packing her suitcase.
"What are you doing?, he asked.
"I'm leaving you,", she replied. "I just found out that you're a pedophile."
"Pedophile, eh? That's a mighty big word for an eight year old."
More ancient than Calgon
A young man is wandering, lost, in a forest when he comes upon a small house. Knocking on the door he is greeted by an ancient Chinese man with a long gray beard.
"I'm lost," says the man. "Can you put me up for the night?" "Certainly",' the Chinese man says, "but on one condition." "If you so much as lay a finger on my daughter I will inflict upon you the three worst Chinese tortures known to man'". "OK," the man replies, and enters the house.
Over dinner, the daughter comes down the stairs. She is young and beautiful, with a fantastic body. She is obviously attracted to the young man and can't keep her eyes off him during the meal. Remembering the old man's warning, he ignores her and goes up to bed alone. During the night he can bear it no longer and sneaks into her room for a night of passion. He is careful to keep everything quiet so the old man wouldn't hear and, near dawn, he creeps back to his room, exhausted but happy.
He wakes to feel a pressure on his chest. Opening his eyes, he sees a large rock on his chest with a note on it that reads: "Chinese Torture 1....Large rock on chest.".
"Well, that's pretty crappy," he thinks. 'If that's the best the old man can do then I don't have much to worry about." He picks the boulder up, walks over to the window and throws the boulder out. As he does,he notices another note on it that reads: "Chinese Torture 2: Rock tied to left testicle." In a panic he glances down and sees the rope, getting very close to taut.
Figuring that a few broken bones is better than castration, he jumps out of the window after the boulder. Plummeting towards the ground, he sees a large sign on the ground that reads, "Chinese Torture 3....Right testicle tied to bed post."
See, it's true: too much unprotected sex can kill you.
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One night, at the lodge of a hunting club, two new members were being introduced to other members and shown around. The man leading them around said, "See that old man asleep in the chair by the fireplace? He is our oldest member and can tell you some hunting stories you'll never forget." They awakened the old man and asked him to tell them a hunting story.
"Well, I remember back in 1944, we went on a lion hunting exposition in Africa. We were on foot and hunted for three days without seeing a thing. On the fourth day, I was so tired I had to rest my feet. I found a fallen tree, so I laid my gun down, propped my head on the tree, and fell asleep. I don't know how long I was asleep when I was awakened by a noise in the bushes. I was reaching for my gun when the biggest lion I ever seen jumped out of the bushes at me like this, ROOOAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!....... I tell you, I just shit my pants."
The young men looked astonished and one of them said, "I don't blame you, I would have shit my pants too if a lion jumped out at me."
The old man shook his head and said, "No, no, not then, just now when I said ROOOAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!"
Otherwise, we'd have to invent him
I spend lots of time bashing Microsoft, while simultaneously extolling the virtues of Linux. However, I've been careful to avoid the blanket Windoze comments because, by and large, Microsoft has done a decent job making computers accessible and usable to pretty much everyone. However, Bill Gates' baby tends, at times, to act like a baby: crying, whining and generally acting immature. Case in point in this decision by Microsoft. Excerpt:
In a move that's sure to draw fire from opponents of digital rights management technologies and anger customers, Microsoft (NSDQ: MSFT) said it will disable consumers' ability to play songs purchased and downloaded from its defunct MSN Music service on new devices after Aug. 30. "As of August 31st, we will no longer be able to support the retrieval of license keys for the songs you purchased from MSN Music or the authorization of additional computers," Microsoft said in an e-mail that was sent Tuesday to former MSN Music customers.
That means consumers who purchased songs from MSN Music and who want to port their library to a new device -- in case of, say, a hardware failure or desire to upgrade -- won't be able to do so after the end of August.
Given the life of today's computer hardware and mobile devices, Microsoft's decision effectively places an expiration date of about three to five years on song libraries that MSN Music customers thought they had purchased for life.
Microsoft did not provide a reason for the decision.
I guess saying "I'm a stupid fucking dumbass" doesn't play too well in a press release. However, in this case, I'll assume that that message is implied.
Update: Crikey! That Puppy Blending fool sure gets around the Innertubes.
Marcel Gagne links to several free to download video games that do not require the latest video card. In fact, I'll posit that you can use an old 1-meg video card and still play these games. So have at it.
Someone asked me how I celebrated Earth Day. He seemed quite offended when I told that I burned 100 gallons of kerosene and 200 pounds of coal while running the AC in all of my cars and my house, with the windows wide open. Also, I ate a crapload of beans so that I wouldn't ignore the methane production. After all, I can't have a bunch of bovine farm animals leading the way, because that would be just wrong.
In case you were wondering, the person in question avoids eye contact with me now. I'm at a loss to explain as to why this is the case.
Whipping up on Andrew Sullivan, while fun, has become somewhat boring because (a) he's too predictable and (b) he makes himself such an easy target. However, it's worth noting when someone lands a haymaker on Sullivan's glass jaw. From Ramesh Ponnuru comes this little gem:
Andrew Sullivan comes to the aid of John Derbyshire, with whom he is well-matched in argumentative style and malice. Sullivan, adducing, as is frequently the case, absolutely no evidence, intuits that I "basically want Vatican II undone." The accusation is false, baseless, presumptuous, and sort of insane, which is another way of saying that it does not stand out on Sullivan's blog.
The Sarah Connor Chronicles has officially been renewed for a second season. Good. It's rare that a new show I like actually gets picked up, but this time quality programming and decent ratings prevailed.
Tangentially related update: Related only in that it deals with fantasy/scifi TV. Turns out that Wizards First Rule will be made into a weekly TV series. Really? Is it going to be broadcast on the Playboy channel, or maybe the BSM/Torture Channel? I loved that book, but the whole Mistress Denna thing isn't something that I see looking good over the air.
Update to the tangentially related update: Okay, Terry Goodkind is sure that it's happening, so it must be true. Oddly, considering some of the subject matter, Disney is one of the partners in this 22-episode television adventure. Anyway, excerpt:
Now that the announcement about the TV series has been officially released, I would like to take this opportunity to put it in perspective and fill in some of the details. (Please keep in mind that some of this might change as things evolve.)
The first season will be 22 one hour episodes, on Saturday evenings, probably at either 8 or 9 pm. Since this is a syndicated program you will need to check your local listings for the station in your area.
The first season will cover the story of WIZARD?S FIRST RULE. Along with exciting opportunities afforded by the air time in which we have to tell the story, the TV series also brings unique challenges. All film formats ? TV series, mini-series, or feature films ? must, to a greater or lesser extent, alter the novel in order to translate the story from words to pictures. A feature film has severe limitations of time, requiring major parts of novels to be cut out. Sam Raimi knew that a feature film of WIZARD?S FIRST RULE could never work to tell the story. That?s why he wanted to do a long format TV show. I?m especially pleased that we are going to be doing 22 one hour episodes to tell this epic story ? much more time than a mini-series would have afforded. That said, there must still be changes, yet within those changes lie exciting opportunities.
With Disney now on board we have some of the most gifted people in the world working to make this project not just exciting but successful.
All this said, I would like to interject a note of caution. In projects of this nature involving vast sums of money there are always things that can go wrong. For example, while the rights to many books are sold or optioned very few of these ever see the light of a bright screen. Many books, even though there is initial enthusiasm, in reality are simply not a good fit for film. Announcements of book rights being sold are quite common; having such rights ever end up as a finished product is actually exceedingly rare. Because so much money is involved in the production of films there are countless stages at which a project can be stopped cold.
Well, I'll wait until they start casting before I decide to add it to my viewing schedule.
Final update: Check out Amy's Commentary here for why I think that the book isn't what the people at Disney think it is:
Why did several people in the book group strongly dislike Wizard's First Rule? One reason given was that they felt this book was not well written (or poorly edited), that there were too many misspellings and too much bad grammar. Another felt parts were needlessly crude. There was also the complaint that the story was too derivative of other fantasy books, not very original. The reason discussed most, however, was an episode three quarters of the way into the book - the long torture scene involving Richard Cypher and Mistress Denna, the Mord-Sith. Richard suffers at the hands of leather clad Denna and her rod- like Agiel. The S&M aspects of their "relationship" didn't appeal to me, and several group members found it extremely disagreeable, enough so to sour them on the entire book. This scene was unexpected and intense, but not - in my opinion - gratuitous. They didn't agree. One person was extremely uncomfortable reading this scene and could only skim it. Richard's encounter with the Mord-Sith may be important in later books, but I think such a traumatic scene should've been better foreshadowed.
From the people who make Dreams Come True™ comes this whimsical tale of a guy who gets tortured almost to death, complete with graphic descriptions of blood and pain. For the record, the sex is just glossed over, so Disney might be happy. Torture good, sex bad.
Very interesting and useful article entitled The 7 Habits of Highly Effective Linux Users. Excerpt:
If there was one habit that one should strictly abide by, it’s probably this one. Most of us come from a Windows background, and we have the notion that more power is better, so we login using our administrator accounts. Well let me tell you my friend, that this is a major reason that Windows is plagued with viruses and insecurities, half the world is currently running ‘root’ accounts!
With great power comes great responsibility, and with ‘root’ powers you should be aware of the consequences of EVERYTHING you’re doing, and even then, mistakes happen. [ed. note: That is the funniest and most horrifying Unix/Linux story ever]I remember my beginnings with SUSE Linux, there were lot of administrative tasks I needed to do but had no idea how to go about them without the GUI, so I so innocently log out and login onto the ‘root‘ GUI. The default wallpaper of the ‘root‘ GUI on SUSE were lit fuse bombs tiled beside each other. Back then, the symbolism totally flew over my head, coming from a Windows background, I wasn’t really doing anything wrong.
But what are the dangers of logging in as root?
- Well imagine you’re on the trapeze without a safety net, frightening isn’t it? Well that’s effectively what you are doing when you login as root, you can inadvertently hose your whole system
- You are at the risk of running malware. Any program that is started under root mode will automatically be given root privileges
- If there is a common security hole that hasn’t been patched yet, you could be totally “pwned”
- It’s common Unix convention, never run anything in root mode unless absolutely necessary. If a non-admin program asks for root access, you should be suspicious
Generally, instead of logging onto your root GUI, use any of the following techniques:
- Use “sudo” or “su” , and kill the session when your done
- If you don’t know how to do it in the command line, use “gksu” or “kdesu”. For example, press alt+f2 and type “gksu nautilus“. Close the app as soon as you finish
Lots more good advice to peruse.
Karl Rove, meet Dan Abrams. Dan, meet the guy who just made you his bitch. Excerpt:
It boils down to this: as a journalist, do you feel you have a responsibility to dig into the claims made by your guests, seek out evidence and come to a professional judgment as to the real facts? Or do you feel if a charge is breathtaking enough, thoroughly checking it out isn’t a necessity?
I know you might be concerned that asking these questions could restrict your ability to make sensational charges on the air, but don’t you think you have a responsibility to provide even a shred of supporting evidence before sullying the journalistic reputations of MSNBC and NBC?
People used to believe journalists were searching for the truth. But your cable show increasingly seems to be focused on wishful thinking, hoping something is one way and diminishing the search for facts and evidence in favor of repeating your fondest desires. For example, while you do ask Siegelman what evidence he had to back up his charges, you did not press him when he said "We don't have the knife with Karl Rove's fingerprints all over it, but we've got the glove, and the glove fits."
The difficulty with your approach is you reduced yourself to the guy in the bar who repeats what the fellow next to him says – “The glove fits! The glove fits!” - only louder, because it suits your pre-selected story line ("Bush Justice") and you don’t want the facts to get in the way of a good fable. You have relinquished the central responsibility of an investigative reporter, namely to press everyone in order to get to the facts. You didn’t subject the statements of others to skeptical and independent review. You have chosen instead to simply repeat something someone else says because it agrees with the theme line your producers slapped on your segment, created the nifty graphic for and promoted in the ads before your appearances.
Dan, I realize that you're an intellectually stunted, Democratic sycophant little ass-kisser, but even you should realize when you're punching out of your weight class. Tell you what, though: I'll match you up against my 5 year old son. And don't worry: I'll tell him to take it easy on you.
I have some advice for your long suffering husband, Jeremy. Next time you need something fixed around the house, your wife needs help lifting something, or you need a blowjob, resort to yelling and complaining. Threats are also effective, as long as she knows you mean business. Huff and puff and complain to all of your friends about her inadequacies and let the world know what a loser she is. Then crow about your newfound equality. Finally, call yourself a hero and write a lousy piece for Men's Health or some other men's magazine about your loser of a wife and see how your married life takes off after that. For deep down, even if Jeremy won't admit it, my guess is, just like the women mentioned in the article, he is seething inside. It's no wonder he won't scrub toilets for this woman.
Update: From Ace, of course:
Men and women simply have differing opinions as to what constitutes "clean enough." Quite frankly, doing half of what you ask in this regard is already quite a compromise, because, honestly, It looks fine to us, honey.
No, we're not just saying that. We mean that. It looks fine to us, honey.
Sink's got a bit of orange-ish mold growing around the drain? Shrug. Last time I looked it hadn't grown tentacles and began reaching out rip my face off. It's just the wonder of nature. Circle of life. Chain of being. Didn't you always say you wanted to go on nature-walks, hon? Well there you go. I made you your own private nature walk right in the head.
Soap scum building up along the rim of the tub? Um, it's soap, baby. Scum or not, it's soap. That means it's pure cleanliness, cleanliness in diatomic elemental form. Clean up the soap? What, are you crazy? That's counterproductive. If anything we should be trying to plaster the whole house in soap scum.
Feminism seems to be teaching women that narcissism, unpleasantness, selfishness, and hectoring, nagging, domineering, insufferable behavior are somehow virtues to be praised.
5 people crash land on a island in the middle of the ocean. There are 4 men and one woman.
The men constantly fight over who gets the one woman, so they decide they will switch who her "husband" is every week. Everything works out fine and they are all happy.
10 years later, the woman dies.
1st day: Things really aren't to bad
2nd day: Somethings missing, but it's still alright
3rd day: Now things are starting to get not so fun
4th day: It's starting to get really bad.
5th day: Really.....really bad.
6th day: Absolutely horrible.
7th day: They bury her.
July 18 marks the return of Psych and Monk with new epsidoes. I'm still not clear how they're going to deal with the loss of Stanley Kamel, though. Monk freaked out when he thought his psychiatrist was simply retiring.
Oh, and you might have noticed that NBC is attempting to drum up interest in Psych and Monk by showing reruns on Sunday evenings.
Today, the lovely and talented Rachel Lucas celebrates her [computer error] birthday. Go buy her something. Better yet, give her some cold hard cash.
I'd ask y'all to give me something, but (a) it's not my birthday and (b) I don't have any links up for PayPal or Amazon. Besides, I'd feel bad at the number of people who'd swallow their tongues from laughing hystericall, so consider it a public service on my part.
Update: Okay, Rachel publicly posted her age, which I already knew. However, I will continue to be a gentleman and not mention that she's now 36 years old. Yeah, I'm good like that.
The NBA regular season bores me a little because, by and large, lots of players take nights off and snooze their way through the winter. This season was better than most because
And now the Spurs and Suns have squared off in the first round. While it's somewhat disappointing that this meeting didn't occur much later in the postseason, it is a matchup between two heavyweights. Saturday afternoon's game was one of the best games that I've seen all year. It featured one highlight reel moment after another: Michael Finley coming off of a screen to nail the game-tying 3-pointer at the end of regulation; Tim Duncan?! hitting the game-tying three at the end of the first overtime; and the off balance, falling out of bounds, game-tying 3-pointer hit by Nash that, unfortunately, did not force a third overtime, owing to Genobli's game winner with 1.5 seconds left. The only bad thing that I have to say about the game is that no one sucker-punched that thug Bruce Bowen. While it's entertaining to watch the NBA turn a blind eye to a player cheapshotting his way through the playoffs, it's not as much fun as watching someone break that asshole's jaw. Not that I'm advocating violence or anything. That would be wrong. But if an accident were to occur right in front of the Spurs' bench and a few premier players happened to stand up and get suspended for a game or two, well that would be just too bad.
Maybe, just maybe, the Pope should stick to what he knows, such as spiritual matters, rather than lecturing me on the virtues of accepting whatever pronouncements the dictator-fellating fuckwits at the UN have to say about pretty much anything, including, but not limited to, global warming. Excerpt:
Countries that act unilaterally on the world stage undermine the authority of the United Nations and weaken the broad consensus needed to confront global problems, Pope Benedict said on Friday.
From your mouth to God's ears.
Jonah reminds me of the Greatest Play In Baseball History.
Thank you, Rick Monday.
That this movie won't suck
So the title for the second X Files movie has been released: The X Files: I Want To Believe. Because no one remembers the poster in Mulder's office, I guess.
I liked FTF. It was a pretty good bridge between seasons 5 and 6 and a decent story in its own right. However, I'm still unclear as to where this movie will go, especially given the way that the series ended. For those of you who didn't watch the series finale, well, go rent it. Or rather, don't. Starting around season 7, the X Files started sucking. A lot.
If it sounds like I won't go to the theater on July 25, don't kid yourself. I watched the pilot when it aired and there's no way that I'll miss the movie. I just hope I don't want my money back afterwards.
I'm still picking up the pieces of my jaw after watching Tuesday night's episode of Boston Legal. Sure, the show is a liberal wet dream of how the world should be, but I love watching William Shatner. Anyway, for those of you who watch the show, the character Jerry - odd, goofy, the show would get along just fine without him- got a new girlfriend. Now Jerry is an odd guy, not bad looking I suppose, but he goes around purring, hopping and growling, all the while holding his hands flat on his pants. Okay, the writers gave him Aspberger's Syndrome to make him sympathetic, instead of pathetic.
Where was I? Oh yeah. Anyway, Jerry's character has issues which make bonding with a woman problematic at best. His last girlfriend left him for a toaster, or iPod, or some other inanimate object. Seems she had issues, too. Plus, she wasn't very attractive. However, his latest squeeze, Dana, borders on the thermonuclear side of the hotness scale. I checked around at ABC.com to find out if anyone knew who the heck she was. Turns out that her name is Rachelle Lefevre. The pictures at IMDB do not do her justice, so I looked elsewhere. If you watch Boston Legal, see if you agree with me that Dana is not only out of Jerry's weight class, she borders on being outside of his species. If you don't watch, just enjoy the eye candy.
Actually, none of the pictures do her justice. Wait until someone uploads photo captures from the 4/15/2008 episode. I should have been wearing a drool cup.
Believe in evolution? Oh sure, there is a lot of evidence to the contrary. How else do you explain the success and/or popularity of Carrot Top or Keith Olbermann? Okay, that isn't really a fair comparison. To Carrot Top. Anyway, Cracked.com reviews what happens when nature decides to replace aggression with passivity and intellgence with Keith Olbermann.
Damn. I did it again. Oh well, excerpt:
#4.Smilodons (Sabre-Toothed Tigers)
Used to be ...
Anyone who has seen 10,000 BC (and escaped with their IQ intact) knows about Smilodons. With eight-inch blade-like teeth, these cats were the top predators of the late Pliestocine, and were the last dominant predators before our ancestors came along. They traveled in packs, the sight of which would make our ancestors crap their pants from miles away.
The Crappy Evolutionary Spin-off:
You're probably thinking tigers here, but actually marsupials are all that is left of the classic Sabre-Tooth Cat (the felines were another branch on the evolutionary tree) so, sadly, the closest genetic connection remains adorable Koala Bears, Kangaroos and Opossums. The most common of these is the Opossum, most often seen in their natural habitat (the local freeway) in their instinctive 'bloody smear along the road' stance.
Though there is one marsupial still holding its ground: the Tasmanian Devil. The usual response to a natural sighting of these godless killing machines tends to be "HOLY SHIT A TASMANIAN DEVIL LET'S GET THE HELL OUT OF HE-(screams of agony)." It feasts on the dead and dying and leaves nothing but crushed bone and echoes of blood-curdling screams in its path.
I recently explained to my son that the Tasmanian Devil was real, although it in no way resembled the funny, stupid critter he had seen on Bugs Bunny.
Now we will conduct a proper show trial.
Radley Balko links to a story which displays more evidence of the increasingly acrimonious relationship between cops and the "justice" system and us, the general public. It's disturbing. While I'm all in favor of putting actual criminals behind bars, I'm quite concerned that law enforcement now considers the citizens of this country as mere pawns in some bizarre game of "fuck you" chess, where the first move is for the cops to declare checkmate, forcing you, the accused, to prove your innocence, turning the theory of jurisprudence on its head.
I don't pretend to know what the answer is, but perhaps our public servants need to be reminded who actually is in charge. Memo to the police: it isn't you.
I'll keep reposting this every year because it's worth remembering.
Again. And again and again.
Reprinted from Neal Boortz's website, albeit an entry that has disappeared into the bit bucket:
Message: APRIL 15th TAX DAY
From Neal Boortz
"Taxes are not levied for the benefit of the taxed."
"There are two methods, or means, and only two, whereby man's needs and desires can be satisfied. One is the production and exchange of wealth; this is the economic means. The other is the uncompensated appropriation of wealth produced by others; this is the political means."
- Albert Jay Nock
The income tax is a vicious, inequitable, unpopular, impolitic and socialistic act. The crusade for an income tax is the most unreasoning and un-American movement in the politics of the last quarter-century.
Editorial - New York Times. 1894.
TAX DAY- FOR ABOUT ONE-HALF OF US
It's April 15th. That day is important for just about one-half of Americans; the one-half that actually carries the load for all of us. For the remaining one-half of income earners it's either just another day, or it's a day they revel in their ability to not only avoid paying taxes themselves, but in their ability to loot the pockets of those who do through such gimmicks as the rancid Earned Income Tax Credit.
April 15 is depressing ... and not just because your taxes are due.
OK , I know you've heard this before, but it doesn't do any harm for you to review the facts just once a year.
This is the day when a simple question can lead to the discovery that most people have no idea how much income tax they pay, though this is becoming less and less true as we go along. There is one group that does know how much federal income tax they pay every year, and this group is growing ever larger. It's that segment of wage earners who pay nothing. So, we'll revise this statement to read: "Most people who actually do pay federal income taxes have no idea how much they pay."
For proof, try this little test: Approach a friend or co-worker whom you actually suspect may pay federal income taxes and ask them what their tax tab was. You will get one of two responses. For the majority of taxpayers who actually get refunds, the response will be "I didn't have to pay anything! I'm getting some back!" Taxpayers who actually have to write a check on April 15 will quote the amount of that check as their tax bill.
This is all by design. Politicians know that if those who pay federal income taxes knew what they were really paying there would be an instantaneous and ugly tax revolt. To hide the ugly truth, these politicians have kept alive our wonderful system of withholding. With the magic of withholding, the money is gone before the wage earner even gets the slightest whiff of it. It's almost as if it was never really there in the first place ... so, what's to miss?
Not only do most people not know how much tax they pay, they don't even know what they make!
You've already asked your co-worker how much tax they had to pay in 2001, and they didn't know. Now, ask them how much they make! Most will tell you it's none of your business. Some will respond, though, and their response will begin with the words, "I take home ..."
If you wanted to be particularly obnoxious at this point, or if you fancy yourself to be a radio talk-show host, you could say: "I didn't ask you how much you took home. I asked you how much you made." Then, standby for the inevitable blank stare.
See how well this system of withholding taxes has worked! The majority of wage earners can't even tell you what they earned! Just what they "took home." It's as if they viewed their "take home" pay as their total earnings! No wonder they don't think they paid any taxes when they get that refund check from the IRS!
But --- if you happen to work for youself then it's a good bet that you DO know how much tax you paid. The owners of small businesses, the businesses that employ about 80 percent of the workers in this country ... you know. You are the people who have to sit down four times a year and write a check to the IRS for your quarterly tax payments.
WHY WE'LL NEVER HAVE A TAX REVOLT.
One word. Withholding.
Withholding was sold to the American wage earner as a purely temporary measure to speed up cash flow to the government during World War II. As soon as the war was over, things were supposed to return to normal and the wage earners would get their entire checks, just as before the war.
In case you haven't checked, the war has been over for about 58 years or so, but withholding is still with us. It's still with us because the proliferation of the "I take home ..." workers and the "I didn't have to pay anything, I'm getting some back" taxpayers are such a boon to our politicians. As long as the majority remains ignorant of the extent to which their paychecks are plundered, politicians will be safe.
Now ... get those tax returns completed and then completely forget what they say so that you can join the ranks of the unknowing.
I can't let this April 15th go by without reminding you of what a wonderful job politicians, especially Democrats, have done insuring that there will never be enough angry taxpayers to cost them their jobs.
Politicians pay attention to polls. Polls are indications of the presence or lack of job security. When politicians read a poll which says that the majority of Americans (a) don't think they're paying too much in taxes, and (b) don't see any need for a tax cut, they sit back and smile. Politicians, and especially Democrats, have been working for generations to shift the burden for the payment of federal income taxes to a small minority of high-income earners. They have succeeded marvelously. Today the top 10 percent of income earners pay over one-half of all federal income taxes. The bottom 60 percent of income earners, a majority, as you can see, pay less than 10 percent of all income taxes. Even someone educated in a government school can tell you that this leaves politicians free to increase taxes on the upper-income minority and then spend that money on the middle and lower-income majority in return for votes.
AND NOW --- TIME FOR SOME TAX AND SPENDING OUTRAGES.
We begin with a statistic that should jolt you right out of your seat. Have you ever stopped to consider just how many cumulative hours are spent across this entire country every year just handling the paperwork associated with the federal income tax? American businesses will spend about 3.4 billion man-hours doing tax paperwork this year. Individuals will spend another 1.7 billion man-hours. These figures represent 3 million people working full time all year just to do tax preparation work. Now --- get this. It takes more man-hours in this country to pay federal income taxes than it does to build every car, van and truck produced in this country during the same year. (Money Magazine)
Where does your tax money go? Try this:
Between 1986 and 1998 the IRS spent $5 billion of your money on a computer system that they were never able to get to work. Five Billion, that's with a B.
Taxes now comprise 31% of the cost of a loaf of bread, 30% of the cost of a hotel room and 43% of the cost of a bottle of beer. (Money Magazine)
The two major tax writing committees of congress are the Senate Finance Committee and the House Ways and Means Committee. Money Magazine reports that seven out of ten members of these committees cannot figure out their own taxes. They have to hire professionals.
Your government recently gave $170 million to a group called PSI. PSI was founded by Philip Harvey. Philip Harvey runs a mail-order porno business called Adam and Eve. PSI wants to hand out condoms around the world. They now have $170 million of your money to fund their project.
At a series of employee retreats workers played children's games and sang We are family. They wrote Christmas carols, went on treasure hunts, dressed in cat costumes and talked to imaginary wizards and magicians. It was a team-building exercise for the U.S. Postal Service. Cost? $3,600,000.00.
There are 1.2 million paid tax preparers in the United States. That's six times more than the number of troops in Iraq. These 1.2 million people add absolutely nothing to our quality of life or standard of living.
Do you know what IRS form 8845 is? It's the form you fill out to get your Indian Employment Credit.
In 1969 the congress discovered that there were 155 taxpayers who paid no taxes because their deductions eliminated their tax liability. That's when congress passed the Alternative Minimum Tax, just to catch those 155 taxpayers. Today the AMT nails 3 million taxpayers. Within 7 years that figure will soar to 36 million.
The IRS still insists that the income tax is voluntary. If you believe that then you believed Bill Clinton when he said that oral sex isn't sex.
The solution is twofold.
First --- reform the tax system by getting rid of the income tax, repealing the income tax amendment and moving to a national retail sales tax. I've been promoting such a system for over 15 years. You can find out everything you want to know by studying the website for Americans for Fair Taxation at http://www.fairtax.org.
Second -- Government must be reduced to its constitutionally appropriate size. Neither Republicans nor Democrats are up to the task. That's why I'm a Libertarian.
"VISUAL SEXUAL AGGRESSION:" Perhaps we should cover women in large, tentlike garments to prevent this. It's popular some places, I hear.
Cell phone spam? Holy shit. Here's a tip for the hucksters on Madison Avenue: if you start bombarding my cell phone with unwanted calls, ads and SMS messages, I will boycott all of your products and will ask other people to join in. Some people don't mind their cell phones turning into the vast wasteland that email has become? Great. Let them opt in to this crap. Excerpt:
One estimate suggests that your average consumer is already exposed to about 3,000 ads per day (New York City residents see about 5,000 per day). The problem with this figure, according to the advertising industry, is that it's way too low. They intend to fix the problem by adding lots of ads to your cell phone. ... However, a consensus is forming based on studies conducted by a variety of potential players that cell phone users want advertising, and lots of it.
The author essentially calls bullshit on this vapid, steaming pile of horse squeeze, so I won't bother... oh, who am I kidding? I call complete and utter bullshit on the newest "consensus".
Oh, how they mix! Check the video below the fold: WNBA 2008 Live.
Actually, I wasn't sure to which category this post belonged, but I realized that no one, least of all me, cared. Anyway, the talented, funny and now, as it turns out, lovely Ms. Lucas has add an actual picture of herself to the header of her blog. Gerard has a related post and poll up wherein you can vote on "Hot or Not" with regards to Rachel. Be aware that voting "not hot" in of itself isn't proof that you're borderline retarded. However, it would tend to indicate that you're marching down the Moron Brick Road towards the Dullard City.
John Scalzi, noted grammar authoritarian:
Dear writers in the English language:
“Alright” is not a word. You’re looking for “all right.” For everyone confused by reading in the dictionary that “alright” is a “non-standard usage,” thus maybe okay to use, you should know that “non-standard usage” is polite lexicographer speak for “version used by illiterate hamster pokers,” and when you’re not looking, they all point and laugh at you. Yes, they do. I’ve seen them do it. And it was mean.
In a followup post, Mr. Scalzi displays the picture that is worth a thousand words:
Case in point is the poster below the fold:
Yeah, my eyes are burning right now, too.
Kathy Shaidle is being sued. When I first heard, I assumed that someone had taken a swing at her, she had retaliated and the stupid douche was now eating through a straw.
-Hey, I would not want to mess with her. She's not called Five Feet of Fury for nothing-
As it turns out, some fucknozzle called Richard "I'm a Butt Plug" Warman is trying to squeeze money out of, as well as shut down, his critics. I guess it's tough to be Dick. People are just so mean to him. Of course, since he's a loser, scum-sucking parasite douchebag ufcknozzle, he should generally expect criticism. Not our Richard, though. Ezra Levant has more on our pathetically thin-skinned asswipe:
It’s not the first threat I’ve received from him; back in December, when I mentioned him in passing in a National Post Op-Ed, Warman fired off another threatening letter to me. You’ve got to read it. I mean, really — it included the complaint that I dared to call him “anti-racist”, rather than anti-racist. That’s right: the fact that I used quotation marks around those words was one of the reasons he was threatening to sue the National Post and me.
If that was Warman’s most petty complaint, his most ironic complaint was that I called him a censor who abused the legal system, and that if I didn’t immediately censor myself with a retraction and apology, he’d hit me with a lawsuit. That blissful lack of self-awareness would be cute if it wasn’t accompanied by a threat – sort of like when Warman encouraged some young rowdies to “take the piss out of… people who are so pompous and so full of themselves” by assaulting them with a cream pie. It was unsettling to watch a lawyer conspire in the commission of an assault.
Wow. So all it takes are the use of quotation marks to hurts this "asshole's" feeling? Okay, "Richard", let me clear: when I call "you" a useless "douchebag", a "piece" of used "toilet paper", "a" scummy "pussbucket" not "worth" lancing, I "mean it" in only the "best" possible sense.
As it "turns out", Dicky is suing several people in addition to Kathy Shaidle:
- Ezra Levant (famous for his stirring YouTube video of his confrontation with the Canadian Human Rights tribunal after he published the “Mohammed Cartoons”)
- FreeDominion.ca (Canada’s answer to FreeRepublic.com)
- Kate McMillan of SmallDeadAnimals.com
- Jonathan Kay of the National Post daily newspaper and its in-house blog
- and me, Kathy Shaidle of FiveFeetOfFury.com
Kathy, Kate, Ezra, Jonathan and FreeDominion.ca need your help. Please contribute to their legal defense fund. Kathy has a PayPal button for you to use.
I've long extolled the virtues of bloggers in general. When Lileks, Dean Esmay,Jeff Goldstein and recently Andrea Harris had financial difficulties or needs, people chipped in what they could to help keep the wolves away from the door. This is potentially even more important. Please give, if you can. If you cannot give anything, at least link to Kathy's post.
Update: Kim du Toit found a picture of our winner of Littlest Dick of the Year Award.
Update: I should have mentioned that I found out about Kathy Shaidle's problem via Rachel Lucas. Whoops. Anyway, consider that oversight corrected.
The inestimable Camille Paglia, in responding to a letter, makes a point that most of us on the right have been saying for years:
I live in Nicaragua and am familiar with the expat community, and though I know this implicates Democrats, I think you will find this interesting from 2004. My in-laws are registered Ole Dixie Democrats from North Florida, and in 2004 they received two ballots each. Surprised, they asked another American couple here if they had received two. The husband, a registered independent, had received one absentee ballot, while his wife, a registered Republican, had not received an absentee ballot.
It is interesting, and I agree there needs to be some kind of oversight of this.
Wow, this sure stinks like week-old mackerel wrapped in soggy newsprint! Though I'm a registered Democrat, I've often been alarmed and disgusted by rumors of ballot manipulation by Democratic ward heelers in big-city neighborhoods, where even the dead vote. In past elections in some Democratic districts in Philadelphia, for example, the percentage of reported voter turnout has at times been suspiciously, stratospherically high.
Absentee ballots, in my view, should be more strictly limited and supervised. Their promiscuous distribution is an invitation to corruption. I have heard troubling stories from upstate New York, for example, about campaign operatives (of which party I don't know) taking absentee ballots into nursing homes and directing how they are filled out. In unscrupulous hands, this practice is unacceptably coercive.
Funny how the districts with the most suspicious voting activities tend to be Democratic districts. Okay, funny isn't the right word. The word I'm looking for is "predictable".
Yesterday, a friend reminded me of Charlton Heston's 1993 appearance on SNL, which included this classic opening sequence:
[ open on Charlton Heston in his dressing room, sitting on the couch and talking into a mini-cassette recorder ]
Charlton Heston: And this completes my final journal entry, before I host the show. Eleven.. twenty-five P.M., December 4th A.D., 1993.
Joe Dicso: [ peeking in ] Five minutes, Mr. Heston.
Charlton Heston: Fine, Joe. I'll just, uh.. lie down for a couple of minutes.
[ Heston lies across the couch, as he again speaks into his mini-cassette recorder ]
You know, there's one thing still bothering me: Is man truly meant to be funny? I just don't know.
[ Heston falls asleep, as the clock on the wall spins at a rapid pace ]
[ the years zoom by - 1994.. 1995.. 1996.. 2000.. 2050.. 2200.. stopping at 3978 ]
[ Heston wakes from his nap, now bearded and dazed ]
Charlton Heston: Wha..? what time is it..? I.. overslept.. Why the hell didn't somebody wake me..?
[ Heston stumbles into the empty hall, failing to notice the framed photos of apes lining the walls ]
Charlton Heston: Hello? Somebody! Any.. hello..? Where is every.. Hello?! Hello..! [ echoes ] What's going on here, anyway?
[ Heston approaches the doors to the studio, flanked with futuristic scarecrows from the "Planet of the Apes" movie. The familiar music sting eminates upon their image, then cuts as Heston notices the back of a stagehand inside the doorway ]
Charlton Heston: Oh. There's somebody. Hey! sir? Hello?
[ the stagehand turns around - it's an ape ]
Charlton Heston: Aaagghh!! [ runs down the hall ] Oh, my God! It's happening again!
Sadly, I've searched and cannot find that particular video anywhere. The NRA spoof ad he did on SNL? That I can find, plus numerous other parodies. But not "The Studio of the Apes". Actually, I can find it after he's already been captured by the apes. He's got the two apes holding his choke collar while talking to the studio audience of apes. Pretty funny. But I can't find the beginning part where he does off and the clock spins forward. If anyone out there knows where that particular video is, please let me know.
I recently bought some castoff books from the local library for 50 cents each (hardcover). One of those books is this one: Thank You For Smoking. It's a fairly witty and satirical read and I'm enjoying it immensely. Quite a change of pace from my last book. I also see that there's a movie based on the book. Said movie contains the yummy Maria Bello and Katie Holmes. I'll have to check it out as soon as I finish the book.
Update: From the IMDB section containing quotes from the movie comes this little exchange:
Nick Naylor: My point is that you have to think for yourself. If your parents told you that chocolate was dangerous would you take their word for it?
[Children say no]
Nick Naylor: Exactly! So perhaps instead of acting like sheep when it comes to cigarettes you should find out for yourself.
I think that I'm gonna like the movie as much as the book. And no, I don't smoke; never have. In fact, I loathe those stinky little cancer sticks. But I'm sick and fucking tired of nanny-staters trying to legislate every part of our lives, especially when the product in question is, in fact, still legal. To be fair, the day isn't over yet.
Bill Quick posts something to which I can only add the Puppy Blender's favorite comment: Heh.
So. Apparently free throws are important when you're trying to win a national championship.
Repost and old, stupid joke:
A man was walking across the road when he met the accident. The impact was on his head which caused him to be comatosed for two days before he finally regained consciousness. When open his eyes, his wife was there beside him.
He held her hands and said meaningfully : "You have always been beside me. When I was a struggling university student, I failed again and again. And sometimes, even my re-papers as well. You were always there beside me, encouraging me to go on trying.."
She squeezed his hands as he continued :"When I went for all the major interviews and failed to clinch any of the jobs, you were there beside me, cutting out more adverts for me to apply..."
He continued "Then I started work at this little firm and finally got to handle a big contract. I blew it because of one little mistake. And you were there beside me."
Then I finally got another job after being laid off for sometime. But I never seem to be promoted and my hard work was not recognised. As such, I remained in the same position from the day I join the company till now...And you were there beside me."
Her eyes brimmed with tears as she listened to her husband :"And now I met an accident and when I woke up, you are here beside me........There's something I'd really like to say to you..."
She flung herself on the bed to hug her husband, and sobbing with emotion.
He said..., " I think you really bring me bad luck.."
Not a particular blogger, but Blogger itself. I recently signed up for a backup blog because, (a) it seemed like a good idea and (b) I wanted a Blogger Id to post comments on some blogs I like. Immediately, my blog was disabled as a potential SPAM blog. My readers might agree that my blog is Potted Meat, but it certainly isn't Spam. Anyway, I tried to click on the embedded link in the warning email I received and it asked me to login. Said login failed because my account was blocked. So I waded through Blogger groups to find a contact for a real person to help. It turns out that others were in the same boat as me. It also turns out that Google gives itself 20 days to verify a blog once you request a review, which review is difficult to request when you can't fucking login.
Anyway. I was finally able to login this morning and request a review. Once they open up my account, I'm going to rename it from [not available at this time due to possible SPAM BLOG] to Blogger and Google suck big black donkey dicks. I'll go out on a limb and guess that that might violate the terms of service.
So I hear that Microsoft will sunset XP as of June 30, forcing customers to upgrade the turd parade known as Vista or, possibly, switching to something else.
Let be clear: as much as I've extolled the virtues of Linux on this site, I find that Windows XP is a pretty decent operating system, especially since SP2 came out. And lots of people liked it. So much so, in fact, that people chose to "downgrade" from Vista. Of course, Vista sucking so much had a lot to do with it as well. Microsoft, after years of coding, finally created something that people hated more than Windows ME. And now Microsoft, in its finite wisdom, has decided to flip the bird to its customers. What to do, what to do? Well, the author of this article has some ideas and opinions on the matter. Excerpt:
On June 30, Microsoft will do something quite ordinary -- the company will stop selling a 7-year-old old product.
Microsoft has killed off many versions of Windows in the past. But there's a difference with the retirement of Windows XP: Most users hate its replacement, Windows Vista.
Microsoft has always suffered from a cultural flaw baked into its DNA: The company just doesn't do "simplicity." Microsoft thinks simplicity results from the masking of radical complexity with a user interface that hides, buries or disables options. Windows Vista stands as a monument to this flawed vision.
When the company shipped Vista -- which users hate precisely because of its over-complexity -- Microsoft compounded its error by segmenting out a dozen (or whatever it is) versions of Vista, creating confusion and paralysis.
Now, Microsoft is doing it again with uncertainty and complexity about when and where and which XP will be supported, not supported or semi-supported.
In my own case, both my desktop and laptop run Windows XP, and I have an Asus Eee PC that runs Linux. If I choose to buy another system, and XP is unavailable to me at the time of purchase, I'll be forced to choose from one of four alternatives: 1) Linux; 2) Mac OS X; 3) Vista; and 4) an illegal copy of XP. For me, options 3 and 4 aren't even up for consideration. I'll choose either Linux or a Mac. Just for my own peace of mind, I might be tempted to convert my remaining systems to my new choice, and abandoned Windows altogether.
But if XP is available, on the other hand, I'll buy it. Microsoft will get the money. I'll continue to invest in Windows applications, and if Microsoft gets Windows 7 right, I'll upgrade to that.
Isn't maintaining XP better for Microsoft than pushing people away from Windows altogether?
The answer to that last question is apparently "no".
I linked to a woman who is clearly delusional and in need of serious medication yesterday. Today, I once again took the plunge and clicked on the blogroll link to
Batshit CrazyBalloon Juice.
I know what you're thinking: why don't I visit more rational leftist sites like the Daily Kos or the DU? Well, to be fair, while those places are absolutely teeming with idiots, morons and assorted brain donors, they still fall far short of the over the top, sanctimonious, pretzel-twisting non-logic routinely employed by Mr. Cole. Also, it's kind of fun to watch his continued descent into the cesspool. Who knows? He might fall in headfirst and open his mouth to yell for help.
Anyway, the most recent funny typed by John Cole was, I'm sure, completely unintentional. He twice linked to Glenn Greenwald (or a Sock Puppet book) and use the appellation Glennzilla.
Yeah, I know. I'll give you a few minutes to compose yourself. The thought that any rational or honest person would give Lampchop such undeserved props is a sign of, well, I guess it only matters that Gleen hates Bush. And really, if you're only motivating factor on whether or not to agree with someone depends purely on how he/she emote towards a politician, you're really not worth talking about. Sure, you'll be good for the occasional point-and-laugh moment, but you might as well stop pretending that you're actually some sort of honest arbiter of the truth.
And by us, I mean me. Yes, it's time for race season to kick off in the Richmond area and I will be running the Monument Avenue 10k for the second year in a row, surrounded by 30,000 of my closest friends, most of whom I have yet to meet. The runners will start in waves, with the fastest runners going first and progressively slower runners starting later. My category is old and slow, which means that the people walking the course will be stepping on my heels. Regardless, it's a fun race and I'd recommend it to anyone.
If you want to see how slow I am, check near the end of the race results on Sunday. I look forward to running some longer distances which will disguise my complete lack of speed a little bit.
You know you want to. Maybe you're shy, or you're just starting to explore geekdom and you don't know where to start. How about 25 Great Geek Websites. Excerpt:
Geeks like us spend a ridiculous amount of time browsing the Web. We get our nerd news online, we converse with like-minded individuals online, we get ideas online, we learn about new products online, and so on. We live and breathe the mighty cloud. ... Ars Technica Though it's full of spot-on reviews, the best feature of ars technica is the daily technology news blog. Ars blends up-to-the-minute reporting with its own unique, informed blend of analysis. As far as tech news goes, Ars covers the entire spectrum; tabs along the top direct you to business IT, gaming, hardware, a new security section, and more. ... Hack n Mod When it comes to mods, hacking, and other off-the-beaten-path hardware wrangling, the Web is full of destinations. Possibly one of the finest is Hack n Mod, which is packed with tutorials and articles. The content isn't just limited to computers; a glance at the sections reveals hacks about free energy, lasers, robots, and most of the current game consoles. This is where to go for everything from LED mods to building a pneumatic pirate cannon. ... Coding Horror Jeff Atwood keeps a blog of some of the most ridiculous, unpredictable, and hilarious programming gaffs ever. Riffing on everything from the true use of the middle mouse button to why registration keys suck, Atwood writes with wit and grace—often brimming with biting satire. This blog is a must for every coder, and anyone remotely interested in or connected to computer programming.
Okay, I'll admit this isn't as exciting as the Internet pr0n that MKH talks about on O'Reilly and there's no beautiful woman. Wait a sec, I think that I can fix that last part.
And I thought I got around the blogosphere just fine. It's now apparent that I need someone else's hands to find my own bottom. How else can to explain that I had never stumbled onto Cassy Fiano's blog before? Sure, it's well known to readers of this humble blog that I usually forget to add someone to my blogroll, even people I read all the time. Type the first couple letters in the address bar, browser fills in the rest and away we go. Eventually, I figure out that the time I spend every day slamming my head in a car door is time probably not well spent. Anyway. Bang, zoom, into the blogroll with ye.
And by crazy, I mean absolute batshit, bugfuck, should be in a wraparound coat in a padded room crazy. Jonah Goldberg links to some nutjob who forths at the mouth in her hatred of Firefly. Now, I've got no problem with people not liking Firefly. Such a person is, of course, a moron, but that doesn't mean he/she is insane. In this case though, we've definitely left reality far, far behind. And check out this reply in the comment thread:
Very articulately written. You've really untangled the woman-hating mess of this show, not an easy thing to do when there's so many levels of it.
Normally, I wouldn't link to such drivel, but I got an enormous laugh out of it and figured that you might need a chuckle today, too.
Drop by and wish Helen a belated (I'm apparently a little bit sllooooowwww) first birthday as a mother. From the looks of things, it was a joyous occasion. Here's hoping for many, many more.
Don't like Windows Explorer to root around in your directories and files? Well, now you can use the Firefox browser for that task, as long as you install Firefly. Pretty cool stuff. However, be aware that it's still what I'd consider a beta release.
Well, I missed it two days ago, but you can still celebrate a belated Happy Run Some Old Browsers Day. Excerpt:
In honor of the ten year anniversary of the Mozilla project, home.mcom.com, the Internet Web Site of the Mosaic Communications Corporation, is now back online. ... Once you've got those old browsers running, you'll find that they're working fine with the mcom.com web sites, but they fail on just about every other web site in the world (for the "Host" header reason I described above). I have a fix for that!
I wrote a small proxy server that bidirectionally translates the HTTP/1.0 protocol spoken by old web browsers to the HTTP/1.1 protocol spoken on the modern web. Download and run http10proxy.pl. (You may need to install the Net::Server::Fork Perl module first.) Then, go into the preferences on your ancient browser and set "HTTP Proxy" to localhost, port 8228. This will adjust outgoing Host headers as well as incoming Content-Type headers.
I remember downloading, configuring and running Mosaic. Those were the days.
Andrea Harris needs a little help. I've seen bloggers offer some spare change when others have been in trouble, such as Lileks, Dean and Jeff Goldstein, among others. Well, our little Twisted Spinster could use some of your extra quarters right now. Go now.
If you don't have any spare cash (and I've been there more times than I'd care to remember), post a link and spread the word.
As improbable as the Eagles' Hell Freezes Over Tour was, Harrison Ford returning as Han Solo in Carrie Fisher penned script beats it out by a mile. Next thing you know, a nuclear warhead will turn into a plummeting to its death blue whale. Excerpt:
It was bound to happen eventually – especially after he agreed to bring back ‘The Man in the Hat’ for another round ("Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull" opens in May). Harrison Ford has agreed to play the intergalactic smug smuggler, Han Solo, one more time.
“Han Solo”, based on a script by “Star Wars” veteran Carrie Fisher, will tell of the Space Pirate’s post-“Return of the Jedi” life – his rocky relationship with Leia, their mischievous Jedi-training twins, and principally, Solo’s ongoing battle with The Hutt’s, says BrokenDroid.com.
Well, this video shows a possible alternate future. Kind of problematical for someone in my current profession, but maybe I can become a CPA.
Pretty soon, every South Park episode from all 12 seasons will be available online. For free.
Kudos to Frank J. on his first byline, albeit one shared with Mr. Goldberg.
Now this is a prank:
Link via Neal Boortz.
Yeah. You know you want to read more.
The Rolling Stones
The Grateful Dead
The Beach Boys
The Twilight Zone
Opus: quod fiere non potest
The Love Boat
The Young and the Restless
Pretium iustum est
The Price is Right
Let the reruns continue!
Nescio quid dicas
I don't know what you're talking about
Nemo hic adest illius nominis
There is no one here by that name
Ita erat quando hic adveni.
It was that way when I got here
I have nothing to declare
Vescere bracis meis
Eat my shorts
Noli me vocate. Ego te vocabo.
Don't call me. I'll call you.
Nihil curo de ista tua stulta superstitione
I'm not interested in your dopey religious cult
Canis meus id comedit
My dog ate it
Die dulci freure
Have a nice day
Fac ut vivas
Get a life
Recedite, plebes! Gero rem imperialem
Stand aside, little people! I am here on official business
Utinam barbari spatioum proprium tuum invadant
May barbarians invade your personal space
Romani quidem artem amatoriam invenerunt...
You know, the Romans invented the art of love...
Utinam coniurati te in foro interficiant
May conspirators assasinate you in the hall
Magister mundi sum!
I am the master of the universe!
Unitam logica falsa tuam philosophiam totam suffodiant
May faulty logic undermine your entire philosophy
Cogito ergo sum
I think, therefore I am
Cogito ergo doleo
I think, therefore I am depressed
Senito aliquos togatos contra me conspirare
I think some people in togas are plotting against me
Nihili est - in vita priore ego imperator romanus fui
That's nothing; in a previous life I was a Roman Emperor
Aio, quantitas magna frumentorum est
Yes, that is a very large amount of corn
Perscriptio in manibus tabellariorum est
The check is in the mail
Non illigitamus carborundum
Don't let the bastards grind you down
Have you lost weight?
You haven't aged a bit!
Id tibi praebet speciem lepidissimam!
It looks great on you!
Capillamentum? Haudquaquam conieci esse!
A wig? I never would have guessed!
Braccae tuae aperiuntur
Your fly is open
Subucula tua apparet
Your slip is showing
In dentibus anticis frustum magnum spiniciae habes
You have a big piece of spinach in your front teeth
Abutebaris modo subjunctivo
You've been misusing the subjunctive
Heus, hic nos omnes in agmine sunt!
Hey, we're all in line here!
Non, mihi ignosce, credo me insequentem esse
No, excuse me, I believe I'm next
Nonne de novo eboraco venis?
You're from New York, aren't you?
Okay, so this is a repost. Think of it as a rerun of a beloved TV show.
Quo signo nata es?
What's your sign?
Mihi ignosce. Cum homine de cane debeo congredi
Excuse me. I've got to see a man about a dog
Viri sunt Viri.
Men are slime.
Romani quidem artem amatoriam invenerunt.
You know, the Romans invented the art of love.
O! Plus! Perge! Aio! Hui! Hem!
Oh! More! Go on! Yes! Ooh! Ummm!
Spero nos familiares mansuros.
I hope we'll still be friends.
Mellita, domi adsum.
Honey, I'm home.
Valui ad satanam in computatrum meum invocandum.
I succeeded in summoning satan into my computer.
You get paid for this crap?
I'm outta here!
Certamen Bikini-Suicidus-Disci mox coepit?
Does the Bikini-Suicide-Frisbee match start soon?
Me oportet propter praeceptum te nocere,
I'm going to have to hurt you on principle.
Tam exanimis quam tunica nehru fio.
I am as dead as the nehru jacket.
Ventis secundis, tene cursum.
Go with the flow.
Let it all hang out.!
Fac me cocleario vomere!
Gag me with a spoon!
Te audire no possum. Musa sapientum fixa est in aure.
I can't hear you. I have a banana in my ear.
Estne volumen in toga, an solum tibi libet me videre?
Is that a scroll in your toga, or are you just happy to see me?
Prehende uxorem meam, sis!
Take my wife, please!
Quantum materiae materietur marmota monax si marmota monax materiam possit materiari?
How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?
Nihil est-in vita priore ego imperator Romanus fui.
That's nothing-in a previous life I was a Roman Emperor.
Aio, quantitas magna frumentorum est.
Yes, that is a very large amount of corn.
Recedite, plebes! Gero rem imperialem!
Stand aside plebians! I am on imperial business.
Oblitus sum perpolire clepsydras!
I forgot to polish the clocks!
Vescere bracis meis.
Eat my shorts.
Sic faciunt omnes.
Everyone is doing it.
Fac ut vivas.
Get a life.
Anulos qui animum ostendunt omnes gestemus!
Let's all wear mood rings!
Mater tua criceta fuit, et pater tuo redoluit bacarum sambucus.
Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries.
orbes volantes exstare
Flying saucers are real
Woof woof! Grrrr!
si hoc signum legere potes, operis boni in rebus lainis alacribus et fructuosis potiri potes!
If you can read this sign, you can get a job in the fast paced, high-paying(!) world of Latin!
balaenae nobis conservandae sunt
Save the whales!
sona si latine loqueris
Honk if you speak Latin!
ne auderis delere orbem rigidum meum!
Don't you dare erase my hard drive!
Huc accedit Zambonis
Here comes the Zamboni!
alterum ictum faciam.
I'm going to take a mulligan
Quid est illa in auqua?
What's that in the water?
Furnulum pani nolo
I don't want a toaster
Latine loqui coactus sum
I have this compulsion to speak Latin
Machina improba! Vel mihi ede potum vel mihi redde nummos meos!
You infernal machine! Give me a beverage or give me my money back!
Catapultam habeo. Nisi pecuniam omnem mihi dabis, ad caput tuum saxum immane mittam.
I have a catapult. Give me all your money, or I will fling an enormous rock at your head.
Sentio aliquos togatos contra me conspirare.
I think some people in togas are plotting against me.
Noli me vocate, ego te vocabo.
Don't call me, I'll call you.
Cave ne ante ullas catapultas ambules.
If I were you, I wouldn't walk in front of any catapults.
Canis meus id comedit.
My dog ate it.
Nihil curo de ista tua stulta superstitione.
I'm not interested in your dopey religious cult.
Re vera, potas bene.
Say, you sure are drinking alot.
Utinam logica falsa tuam philosophiam totam suffodiant!
May faulty logic undermine your entire philosophy!
Non sum pisces.
I am not a fish.
Vah! Denuone Latine loquebar? Me ineptum. Interdum modo elabitur.
Oh! Was I speaking Latin again? Silly me. Sometimes it just sort of slips out.
Non est mea culpa.
It's not my fault.
Non calor sed umor est qui nobis incommodat.
It's not the heat, it's the humidity.
Di! Ecce hora! Uxor mea me necabit!
God, look at the time! My wife will kill me!
Cum catapultae proscriptae erunt tum soli proscript catapultas habebunt.
When catapults are outlawed, only outlaws will have catapults.
Antiquis temporibus, nati tibi similes in rupibus ventosissimis exponebantur ad necem.
In the good old days, children like you were left to perish on windswept crags.
Nullo metro compositum est.
It doesn't rhyme.
Non curo. Si metrum non habet, non est poema.
I don't care. If it doesn't rhyme, it isn't a poem.
Quomodo cogis comas tuas sic videri?
How do you get your hair to do that?
I am not lost.
Hocine bibo aut in eum digitos insero?
Do I drink this or stick my fingers in it?
Re vera, potas bene
Say, you sure are drinking a lot.
Illiud Latine dici non potest
You can't say that in Latin.
Solum potestis prohibere ignes silvarum.
Only you are can prevent forest fires.
Fac ut gaudeam.
Make my day.
Sola lingua bona est lingua mortua.
The only good language is a dead language.
Ad eundum quo nemo ante iit.
To boldly go where no man has gone before.
Postatem obscuri lateris nescitis.
You do not know the power of the dark side.
Clamo, clamatis, omnes clamamus pro glace lactis.
I scream, you scream, we all scream for ice cream.
Magnus frater spectat te...
Big Brother is watching you....
Monstra mihi pecuniam!
Show me the money!
Lege atque lacrima.
Read 'em and weep
Vacca, vacca, vacca
Cow, cow, cow.
Id est mihi, id non est tibi!
It is mine, not yours!
Read my lips...
Credo Elvem etiam vivere.
I believe Elvis lives.
Si hoc legere scis, nimium eruditionis habes.
If you can read this, you have too much education.
Si tu id aeficas, ei venient. Ager Somnia
If you build it, they will come
Cogito sumere potum alterum.
I think Iâ€™ll have another drink.
Noli nothis permittere te terere.
Donâ€™t let the bastards get you down.
Duc, sequere, aut de via decede.
Lead, follow, or get out of the way.
Paucis verbis, quid est deconstructionismus?
What, in a nutshell, is deconstructionism?
More to follow. Lots more.
Okay, I get that Rachel Lucas' site is a bit more potty-mouthed than mine, if for no other reason than I tend to cuss in her comments, which probably tends to raise her score. But Dr. Helen? I came in behind the pleasant Dr. Helen's blog on the Cuss-O-Meter?
Seriously, WTF? It's time to break out the Seven Words You Can't Say On TV: shit-piss-fuck-cunt-cocksucker-motherfucker-tit. Also, fart, turd and twat, because George Carlin felt compelled to add those later.