Now I can really show my school colors. Unfortunately, I work with too many people who would probably get it immediately, and I have no desire to get fired this week. So we'll see.
A lot of truth exists within the boundaries of the cartoon posted below:
I had planned to use the word "shamnesty" to drive John Cole into an apoplectic stupor, but decided against it. Why? Because it is a pretty fucking stupid word.
Could have been worse, I suppose. It could have been "Bennifer" again. ::shudder::
Anyway, here's Lileks' take on the recent attempt by the Senate to legalize their current gardeners and nannies:
The failure of the immigration bill was a remarkable event, I think – but not the first notch in the belt for the new media as some suggest. It’s interesting how many of the big victories seem to have been large bites out of the President’s hide – Dubai, Harriet Miers, now this. It shows the power of a swarm concentrated on a particular thing – a person, a bill, a specific policy initiative. ... I had fun with the subject on the Hewitt show tonight – Dean Barnett was chowdah-tawkin’ in Hugh’s place, and I found myself describing the Senate as a place where the fizzy effervescent passions of the day are poured into a saucer, where they can go flat and get warm and sticky and attract flies. Good a definition of the Senate as any, I guess. It’s like a bowling alley with no pins, circular lanes, and nerf balls.
Okay, technically it's cracking Windows passwords. However, if you've somehow forgotten your's, this method should work just fine.
Note: I believe that this method only recovers passwords up to 14 characters in length. Also, it works up through Windows XP. Vista users need not apply.
The N.Y. Post comes up with some of the best fauxtography on the planet:
It makes me a nuts when people forward bogus warnings, and I've even done it myself a couple times, but this one is important. So please send this warning to everyone on your e-mail list.
If someone from the National Center for Tick Control comes to your front door saying they are checking for ticks due to the warming weather and asks you to take your clothes off and dance around with your arms up...
DO NOT DO IT!! IT IS A SCAM!!
They only want to see you naked...
I wish I'd gotten this yesterday. I feel so stupid. So used.
Dean Barnett posts a picture that is worth more than a thousand words. Unless, of course, you're a tone deaf elected official sipping lattes up in DC.
Actually, I hope that Dean doesn't mind, but I'm swiping that picture. It's too good not to share.
Ever lock your keys in the car? You fight with the whole coathanger thing to try and jimmy the lock open and sometimes you have to bite the bullet and call AAA.
Okay, no guy would actually call AAA. You know it and I know it. Anyway.
It turns out that some clever woman has come up with a novel use for the tennis ball on the end of your car's antenna. Check out this video:
For the record, my mother used to lock her keys inside her car about twice a year. I bugged her to get one of those Hide-A-Key things and she promptly locked that inside the car with her keyring. This technique would have proven quite useful to her, except I'm convinced that she would have locked the tennis ball inside the car, too.
Girls, let me clue you in on something: you were a group whose success depended almost entirely on the short skirts and tight tops you wore. Sure, you could sing a little bit, but let's face it: your legs and tits were what made you popular. Now that your a bit more mature, shall we say, those parts of your anatomy have probably loosened up a bit.
Quick aside: Ms. Halliwell's parts looked great uncovered. In fact, I almost bought a Spice Girls album in appreciation. Almost.
In any event, it's time to bring this old joke back out of retirement: The Spice Girls Application Form.
The Spice Girls Application Form Name:
- How would you best describe yourself?
( ) An energetic self-starter
( ) A team player
( ) A tasty, albeit untalented, bit of crumpet
- Do you have any detectable vestige of talent, besides your tits?
- Would it bother you to be the target of unrelenting hatred?
- "I am willing to trade sexual favours for a career in the music industry."
( ) Yes ( ) No
- How many times have you been kicked out of a karaoke bar?
- Does nudity bother you? If so, give three excuses for your portfolio.
- Explain the difficulties in identifying the source of individual free will in light of the deterministic theories of neurochemical medicine and modern behavioralist psychology... Just kidding!! Seriously, do you like leather mini-skirts?
( ) Yes ( ) No
- Are you deceptively attractive in coloured or stroboscopic light?
( ) Yes ( ) No
- Choose an appropriate nickname:
Sexy, Nasty, Sweetie, Syphilis, Lardy, Sickly, Sporty, Slappy.
- Choose an appropriate image:
( ) Cute, blonde, appeals to pedophiles
( ) Tub of lard
( ) Bloke. In a tracksuit.
( ) Vacant stare, no discernible brain activity
( ) Terrifying to small children and old men
( ) All of the above
- Do you promise to make one album and then go away forever?
( ) Yes ( ) No
- If two trains leave Liverpool an hour apart at 90 kilometers, and 75 kilometers an hour, respectively, how would you look in a bikini?
- If required as part of your contract, would you be willing to help alleviate Prince Charles's loneliness?
( ) Yes ( ) No
- In space provided, tell us why you want, why you really, really, want this job.
I've got an idea for a Spice Girls pay per view event that's sure to bring in lots of money: strip them all naked and have them wrestle in a vat of Jello, while simultaneously forcing them to do lots of tequila body shots off of the more interesting portions of their exposed anatomy. Now that would be spicy.
Technically, I haven't been tagged, but I decided to jump in anyway. Here are the rules:
Rules: Use the 1st letter of your name to answer each of the following. They MUST be real places, names, things...NOTHING made up! If you can't think of anything, skip it.
Try to use different answers if the person before you had the same 1st initial.
You CAN'T use your name for the boy/girl name question... Now Go!
And here's my entry:
Your Name: M_____
1. Famous singer/band: Mamas and the Papas
2. 4 letter word: mutt
3. Street name: Mulberry
4. Color: Maroon
5. Gifts/presents: Money
6. Vehicle: Mazda
7. Things in a Souvenir Shop: Magnet (commemorative)
8. Boy Name: Mark
9. Girl Name: Mathilda
10. Movie Title: "M". No, really.
11. Drink: Margarita
12. Occupation: Magician.
13. Flower: Marigolds
14. Celebrity: Mike Myers
15. Magazine: Mademoiselle
16. U.S. City: Macon
17. Pro Sports Teams: Minnesota Twins
18. Fruit: Mandarin orange
19. Reason for Being Late for Work: Misplaced my car keys
20. Something You Throw Away: Muffins, stale
21. Things You Shout: Motherf*cker!
22. Cartoon Character: Mickey Mouse
Popular Science posted an article on building what it calls a lunchbox PC. It is a full featured computer, sans hard drive and CD drive, although you can add them if need be. It also uses, not surprisingly, a version of Linux as the OS of choice. Excerpt:
With antiquated components flooding the surplus-parts market and free operating systems only a click away, building a fully functional computer has never been such a bargain. No, the $72 PC won’t replace your new dual-core, Vista-shredding laptop. But with its compact size and solid-state components (no hard drive or CD drive), it’s perfect for building into custom enclosures and for specific tasks like Web surfing or playing games. The computer boots from a USB flash drive running an operating system called Damn Small Linux that can handle just about any job.
I see via Jeff that Michele has cast a reincarnate spell on her former blog, instead of a resurrect spell. The results? The blog A Big Victory. I love Faster Than the World, but I'm glad to see Michele back with her very own place.
Are you getting bored with all of the current illegal immigration talk? Do your eyes glaze over whenever you see Trent Lott on television?
Okay, that last question was entirely rhetorical.
Anyway, you probably need a change of pace, something to clean out your mind. Here you go:
Now it's up to you to clean off your monitor. Perverts.
Bill Quick finally kissed Microsoft goodbye. Excellent. I remember his previous foray into the world Linux last year; he was unimpressed. However, Bill's managed to work around most of his issues and is browsing on his laptop via his EVDO card. Not surprisingly, his computer is much more responsive than it was before.
BTW, from what I've read, the EVDO cards can be a hassle to get up and running. Bill's experience appears to bear that out. However, he's perfectly willing to share his method and madness to anyone who is interested. Be sure to drop him a line if you have questions.
One user down, a gazillion to go.
If you go to a scifi con, or a gaming con, or any sort of RPG/fantasy/dorkwad con, be on the lookout for a woman wearing the T-shirt shown below. Trust me: it's quite possibly the only time in your life that you will ever, ever have sex.
Jonathan Hawkins links to this Michael Medved piece that, frankly, reeks of an April 1 article. Unfortunately, it's the middle of June, so apparently Mr. Medved is dead serious, which makes him, unfortunately, a retarded jackass. I remember Hugh Hewitt saying that Medved was strongly in favor of the amnesty bill as is; no amendments need apply. I thought that Hugh was kidding, but apparently I was mistaken. Anyway, excerpt:
...Despite the courageous reform efforts of far-sighted Republican Senators and of President Bush, the loudest voices in the GOP currently speak in strident, angry, desperate, uncompromising and unmistakably anti-immigrant tones.
Gee Michael, I'm almost at a loss how to respond to your puerile, insane, retarded, moronic and infantile prattle. Almost. Since reason, logic and, obviously, sanity are strangers to you, I'll make a slight breach in ettiquette by leaping over any factual arguments and going straight for the insults and ad hominem attacks.
You, sir, are embarrassment to conservatives everywhere. Your brain, such as it is, not only fails to fire on all cylinders, it's a wonder that can breathe without wearing a iPod that eternally cycles a recorning of "inhale....exhale". In fact, you are so fucking stupid that I'm convinced that, like the dinosaurs, you must have a brain in your ass to help you take a shit. However, unlike the dinosaurs, your assbrain is the larger of the two, which makes sense, since what comes out of your mouth is more putrid, vile, stinky and worthless than what comes out of the other end. At least your crap can be used for fertilizer.
Frankly, Michael, your act has more than worn thin. I will admit that I used to enjoy your occasional forays into the Attila the Hun chair, when you subbed for Rush. But somehow you mistook your modest talent for actual self-importance. I know, I know: you know so much more than the rest of us. I suppose that we should thank you for condescending to lecture to us about how we should act, or what we should do, or how we should vote. The reality is that most of us think that the fact that you have a syndicated column and a radio show is a sign of the end times. Sure, Err America was even more ridiculous that you. The buffoons on that network at least had the entertainment value of clown repeatedly stabbing himself in the eye. You, as I'm sure you're aware, have no such value. In fact, I swear that what fills my daughter's diaper daily has more intrinsic value than you and your opinions do. And quite frankly, her diapers' content disgusts me far less than you do.
I know what you're thinking: if I'm so bothered by you, why don't I simply ignore you? Well Michael, I think that you and I have finally found a point on which we can agree. Don't be too surprised when other coservatives - you know, the ones that you accuse of hating us some brown people- follow suit.
Enjoy yourself. And remember to keep a spare battery around for your iPod. I wouldn't want you to suffocate.
Here are some gas prices that should look familiar:
If you'll excuse me, I have to clean up some flaming manure.
Well, time to slow my trickle of traffic to an even smaller trickle: I'm headed out of the country on vacation tomorrow. The kids are coming with me and the wife this time, which means that the trip will be more fun. It also means that I won't get much rest until I come back to work. Such is life.
I've noticed some things over the last few years while clicking through the blogosphere:
1) There are some pretty smart people. And freaking stupid ones.
2) The political divide on blogs is vast, even more so than I anticipated.
3) Bloggers tend to help each other out when the chips are down.
Some of you may remember other bloggers requesting help/money these last few years: Dean; Misha; Lileks; Kevin; Jeff; and other who I cannot remember right now. People came out of the woodwork with donations. It was touching and, more importantly, the donations helped.
Why do I mention this? Because Rick Moran has made a similar request. He would like to keep writing for a living, but he also wants to keep him and his wife fed, clothed and housed. This fund drive could provide Rick with the wherewithal to keep on blogging,
pissing off amusing readers on the right and left. Anyway, please go here and give, if you're so inclined. Every little bit helps.
Iowahawk delivers another classic. Excerpt:
Skip to 7.
7. Now that you know the facts, would you like to reconsider giving a donation?
If "yes," return to 1a; if "no," go to 8
8. Two words: Nancy Pelosi. You at least have to admit we're somewhat better than Nancy Pelosi.
If "yes," return to 1a; if "go fuck yourself," go to 9
9. If I actually did fuck myself, would that help you reconsider giving a donation?
If "yes," describe fucking self and return to 1a; if "no," go to 10
10. All right then. Thank you for your time.
Despite not being a registered Republican, I've received dozens of GOP fundraising phone calls and they seem genuinely perplexed by my hope that the GOP national party should go piss up a rope. However, I'm very polite as I tell them to remove my name from their list, and that I hope the current GOP leadership gets an incurable case of chiggers in their nether regions.
Fahrenheit 451, that is. And you've always gotten it wrong. So sayeth the author, Ray Bradbury. Excerpt:
Bradbury still has a lot to say, especially about how people do not understand his most literary work, Fahrenheit 451, published in 1953. It is widely taught in junior high and high schools and is for many students the first time they learn the names Aristotle, Dickens and Tolstoy.
Now, Bradbury has decided to make news about the writing of his iconographic work and what he really meant. Fahrenheit 451 is not, he says firmly, a story about government censorship. Nor was it a response to Senator Joseph McCarthy, whose investigations had already instilled fear and stifled the creativity of thousands.
This, despite the fact that reviews, critiques and essays over the decades say that is precisely what it is all about. Even Bradbury’s authorized biographer, Sam Weller, in The Bradbury Chronicles, refers to Fahrenheit 451 as a book about censorship.
Bradbury, a man living in the creative and industrial center of reality TV and one-hour dramas, says it is, in fact, a story about how television destroys interest in reading literature.
“Television gives you the dates of Napoleon, but not who he was,” Bradbury says, summarizing TV’s content with a single word that he spits out as an epithet: “factoids.” He says this while sitting in a room dominated by a gigantic flat-panel television broadcasting the Fox News Channel, muted, factoids crawling across the bottom of the screen.
Eh, what does he know anyway?
Ever go shopping and see something that looks like a good deal? You decide to buy the item and take it home. Later that day, you see the exact same thing for about 20% less somewhere else. However, you've already unwrapped and installed/used the item in question, so you're pretty much screwed.
"It seems like a great deal, but maybe it's cheaper somewhere else?" I've said those words a lot, maybe not out loud but certainly in my head. The thing I love about shopping online is that I can instantly see if something is cheaper at another store. But, when you're out and about, how do you do the same thing? How do you keep your advantage? Well, if you take your cell phone with you, FruCall may just be the answer.
FruCall works off a very simple premise - barcodes. Almost every product has one. And if you were smart enough to set up a database, matching products to every published price available, well you'd have a database with which to comparison shop, just like the online sites we all use. FruCall has such a database.
The automated voice takes a little getting used to. It's a cross between a human and a speak 'n' spell. But once you get used to her strange voice, you soon get the lowdown on the bargains out there. She'll tell you the price range of the item you're currently looking at, new and used, and where to buy it. So, if you see a cool TV for $1000 and find out someone else has that same TV for $800, not only do you know of the deal, you can actually order it right there and then through your cell phone. You can also use the service using text messages and mWeb. Handy.
Did I mention that the Frucall account is free? Now go forth and save money.
I've been working with the health department these last 11 days to try and figure out the best way to isolate my dog for the required quarantine period. What we've decided is to build a pen inside of our garage. It's on a concrete slab and has four secure walls. My wife and I completed about 75% of the pen last night; my father-in-law will come by to help this weekend. Hopefully we can call Animal Control on Monday to ask for a pen inspection. If they sign off on it, my boy can come back home. It's going to be hard on bothm Diego and us, but I'm hopeful that all of us will work into a good routine within the first month or so.
I've been missing his doggie smile something fierce. And while I won't be able to wrestle him for another 169 days, I'll be able to keep him company, which should help. I hope.
Anyway, I'll start a new category pretty soon which will consist entirely of pet care during extended isolation. It should be tremendously popular to my readers.
Hey, what do you know? This is post number 2,000. Man, that's a lot of wasted pixels.