November 30, 2005

It's that time of year

Yes, it's here again. As Christmas approaches, I find that my admittedly limited ability to create new stuff absolutely craters, leading me to repost things from holiday season's past. However, it's new to some people every year. Anyway, if you think that you're experiencing deja vu over the next 30 days or so, don't worry: you're probably just going crazy. Start drinking heavily and it will all get better.

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No, really?

Shouldn't everyone's reaction to this article be No Shit?

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Horoscope for the day

Found at this site. Excerpt:

Cancer (June 21 - July 22)

Today you will notice yet another large freshly-dug mound of dirt in your neighbor's back yard. It's probably nothing -- he probably just digs at night if he can't get to sleep. I know I do.

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He's baaacckkk

Acidman is back and blogging. Go by and wish him well.

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Kill the day

If it isn't already dead, then this website is guaranteed to play Dr. Kevorkian to it.

Thanks to Bane for the link.

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This week's sign that the Apocalypse is upon us

Christmas joy.gif

santa outsourcing.jpg

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Bringing bad things to life

Remember the good old days when air guitar was huge? Unfortunately, I do. I had hoped that the craze would go the way of the dodo. That seems unlikely now that some Finnish students have created a computer system to add sound to your fantasy instrument. Excerpt:

Finnish computer science students have devised a system which enables air guitarists to hear themselves 'play'.

The Virtual Air Guitar project, developed at the Helsinki University of Technology, adds genuine electric guitar sounds to the air guitar.

Using a computer to monitor the hand movements of the 'player', it adds riffs and licks to match frantic mid-air finger work, reports New Scientist.

The Virtual Air Guitar project? If that isn't a sign of the end times, I don't know what is.

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November 29, 2005

Building a Home Theater PC

Not surprisingly, I'm recommending the non-Windows version found at Extreme Tech. Excerpt:

Now that we've heaped that glowing praise on this modern computing wonder, we have to throw a rock or two at it. A number of distributions like Xandros, Linspire, and Lycoris have made very big strides toward making Linux easy to install and use by less technical users who just want to get their stuff done, and not twiddle with source code, .conf files, and kernel modules. Linux has also made some good strides toward being an interesting alternative to Windows Media Center Edition (MCE). But obstacles remain—lots of them.

So, before you embark on trying to build a Linux-based Home Theater PC (HTPC), you have to ask yourself a question: "How much time do I have to dedicate to bringing up a Linux-based HTPC?" If the answer is "not much," then a Linux-based HTPC is probably not something you should build. Assembling the hardware is pretty easy, and the physical assembly process takes a half-hour to 45 minutes. Installing the OS can be a very straightforward affair as well. But installing extra drivers as well as installing and configuring a PVR media application (and its required packages) are not trivial tasks, and the road ahead is laced with hidden potholes.

Oh, to be retired and rich.

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November 28, 2005

Seems right to me

You are an enzyme. You are powerful, dark,
variable, and can change many things at your
whim...even when they're not supposed to be
changed. Bad you. You can be dangerous or
wonderful; it's your choice.

Which Biological Molecule Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

Thanks? to CalTech Girl for the link.

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War on reason

I have mixed feelings about legalizing drugs, despite conservative proponents such as Bill Buckley. However, this War on Drugs™ has long since passed the point where people can think that most anti-crime measures are reasonable. Case in point is this article by Jacob Sullum. Excerpt:

At my local drugstore, shelves of cold and allergy medicine have been replaced by merchandise cards hanging from metal rods. If I want to buy one of these remedies, I have to take the corresponding card to the pharmacist's counter, wait in line, show my ID and add my name to a register.

This procedure, required by an "emergency order" from Virginia Gov. Mark Warner, is supposed to prevent me from using the pseudoephedrine in products such as Sudafed and Dayquil to cook up a batch of methamphetamine in my garage.
Hard as this collateral damage is to justify, it pales next to that suffered by other innocent victims of the government's war on methamphetamine. Last summer, for instance, state and federal agents arrested 49 convenience store clerks and owners in Georgia on charges they sold pseudoephedrine and other supplies to informants posing as meth cooks.

The supplies, including matches, charcoal, antifreeze, coffee filters, aluminum foil, and cat litter, were all perfectly legal. The charges, carrying penalties of up to 25 years in prison as well as fines and asset forfeiture, are based on the doubtful premise the defendants knew or should have known what the fake customers pretended to be planning.

All but a few of the defendants are Indian immigrants, and many have a weak grasp of ordinary English, let alone the slang of black-market meth manufacturers. Several said they assumed the guy who bought matches and camping fuel, saying he needed to "finish up a cook," was having a barbecue.

This is the logic of the war on drugs. By criminalizing possession of a substance readily manufactured using innocuous everyday products, the government created the illicit labs it is trying to shut down by criminalizing the sale of those innocuous everyday products.

Perhaps recognizing that the lives of most Americans have not been affected by the "meth epidemic," prohibitionists are determined to spread the pain around.

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Holiday greetings

Due to the ever-increasing cost of postage, and my decreasing ability to write legibly, here is my card to cover every holiday of the rest of our lives.


Linked to the Beltway Traffic Jam.

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November 27, 2005

Quote of the day

And it's from Hog On Ice:

Here’s how it works. Dan Rather tries to palm off a memo written in crayon, and one blogger notes that Crayola didn't make that color back when Bush was in the Guard, and another blogger says they did, but it was only available in the mental institution where Bill Burkett used to spend time, talking to the kitties printed on the wallpaper. Sooner or later, we figure out the truth, and then Dan gets a gold watch and a paint-by-numbers kit and some new slippers.

Okay, more like an extended post theft than a quote. But it made me giggle like a schoolgirl.

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November 22, 2005

How to cook a turkey

Reposted from last year.

This has been making its way around the Internet since 1500 B.C., even though the first computer still hadn't been manufactured yet. However, if there's one thing that you can count on me for, it's recycling the stalest holiday humor you've ever seen between now and the New Year.

Step 1: Go buy a turkey

Step 2: Take a drink of whiskey, scotch, or JD

Step 3: Put turkey in the oven

Step 4: Take another 2 drinks of whiskey

Step 5: Set the degree at 375 ovens

Step 6: Take 3 more whiskeys of drink

Step 7: Turn oven the on

Step 8: Take 4 whisks of drinky

Step 9: Turk the bastey

Step 10: Whiskey another bottle of get

Step 11: Stick a turkey in the thermometer

Step 12: Glass yourself a pour of whiskey

Step 13: Bake the whiskey for 4 hours

Step 14: Take the oven out of the turkey

Step 15: Take the oven out of the turkey

Step 16: Floor the turkey up off the pick

Step 17: Turk the carvey

Step 18: Get yourself another scottle of botch

Step 19: Tet the sable and pour yourself a glass of turkey(Ed. note: this didn't used to be possible)
Update: More on this here.

Step 20: Bless the saying, pass and eat out

Posted by Physics Geek at 02:23 PM | Comments (1)

Help your fellow beer drinker

Have you ever been so drunk that you needed someone else to help you hold your beer while you drank? Did you ever thank that person properly? I thought not. Well, in rememberance of that special person from your dark, misspent youth, I give you this picture.

More beer and, umm, large tracts of land pictures here and here.

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Spicing up Thanksgiving dinner

Here is a new way to prepare your Thanksgiving or Christmas Turkey.

1. Cut out aluminum foil in desired shapes.
2. Arrange the turkey in the roasting pan, position the foil carefully (see
3. Roast according to your own recipes and serve.
4. Watch your guests' faces.

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Thanksgiving proclamation from 1789

WHEREAS, It is the duty of all nations to acknowledge the providence of Almighty God, to obey His will, to be grateful for His benefits, and humbly to implore His protection and favor;

WHEREAS, Both the houses of Congress have, by their joint committee, requested me "to recommend to the people of the United States a day of public thanksgiving and prayer, to be observed by acknowledging with grateful hearts the many and signal favors of Almighty God, especially by affording them an opportunity peaceably to establish a form of government for their safety and happiness:"

Now, therefore, I do recommend and assign Thursday, the 26th day of November next, to be devoted by the people of these States to the service of that great and glorious Being who is the beneficent author of all the good that was, that is, or that will be; that we may then all unite in rendering unto Him our sincere and humble thanks for His kind care and protection of the people of this country previous to their becoming a nation; for the signal and manifold mercies and the favorable interpositions of His providence in the course and conclusion of the late war; for the great degree of tranquility, union, and plenty which we have since enjoyed; for the peaceable and rational manner in which we have been enable to establish constitutions of government for our safety and happiness, and particularly the national one now lately instituted' for the civil and religious liberty with which we are blessed, and the means we have of acquiring and diffusing useful knowledge; and, in general, for all the great and various favors which He has been pleased to confer upon us.

And also that we may then unite in most humbly offering our prayers and supplications to the great Lord and Ruler of Nations and beseech Him to pardon our national and other transgressions; to enable us all, whether in public or private stations, to perform our several and relative duties properly and punctually; to render our National Government a blessing to all the people by constantly being a Government of wise, just, and constitutional laws, discreetly and faithfully executed and obeyed; to protect and guide all sovereigns and nations (especially such as have show kindness to us), and to bless them with good governments, peace, and concord; to promote the knowledge and practice of true religion and virtue, and the increase of science among them and us; and, generally to grant unto all mankind such a degree of temporal prosperity as He alone knows to be best.

--George Washington - October 3, 1789

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Smoking really is bad for you

Doubly bad, I suppose, if you attempt to open the door of an airplane in mid-flight so as to have a puff.

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Buckhead responds

I'm probably the last person on the Internet to have noticed, but Buckhead, he of Rathergate fame, has posted Clues for the Clueless on his webpage, detailing his investigation into the forged documents. Check out this excerpt from Part I of his explanation:

Ever since the controversy over the CBS use of forged memos erupted, those disappointed by the exposure of the forgeries have wondered if the whole thing wasn't some sort of set up perpetrated by the Dark Lord, Karl Rove. Integral to this paranoid theorizing was their slack-jawed amazement that anyone could have observed and commented that the documents were fake based on typography as quickly as I did. How could anyone not on the inside have articulated a technical and convincing explanation that the documents were fake within a few hours of the broadcast? Well, here's your answer. It's probably too late to make any difference, but I am no longer able to stifle myself now that Mary Mapes' has written a several hundred page book parading her venomous disregard for those who exposed her lies and her delusional self-image as the Joan of Arc of investigative journalism.

So, how did I know?

The short answer is that I am 47 years old and I am not a blithering idiot.

Personally, I think that he should stop beating around the bush and get to his point. Strictly my opinion, of course.

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Problem solved

A man is having an affair with his secratary. After hours of heated love, he realizes he should have been home long ago. As he quickly gets dressed, he asks his secratary to take his shoes outside and rub them in the dirt.

When he gets home, his wife immediately tears into him, "It's almost 9:00, where the hell have you been?"

The man looks her straight in the eye and says "Honey, I have something to admit. I've been having an affair with my secratary. I spent the last two hours making love to her."

The wife looks him up and down and says " You lying son of a bitch, I can tell by looking at the dirt on your shoes that you've been out playing golf!"

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November 18, 2005

Job application

A few months ago, the CIA had an opening for an assassin. This highly classified position is hard to fill, requiring enormous testing and background checks involved before an applicant can be considered for the position. After sending some applicants through the background checks, training and testing, the Agency narrowed the possible choices down to 3 men, for the one available position.

The day came for the final test to see which man would get the extremely secretive job. The Agent administering the test took one of the applicants to a large metal door and handed him a gun. "We must know that you will follow your instructions no matter what the circumstances", they explained. "Inside this room, you will find your wife sitting in a chair. Take this gun and kill her."

The man got a shocked look on his face and said "You can't be serious! I could
never shoot my own wife!". "Well", says the CIA man, "you're definitely not the right man for this job then."

The second applicant was brought to the same door and handed the gun. "We must know that you will follow instructions no matter what the circumstances", the Agent explained, "Inside you will find your wife sitting in a chair. Take this gun and kill her." The second man looked a bit shocked, but nevertheless took the gun and went in the room. All was quiet for about 5 minutes, then the door opened. The man came out of the room with tears in his eyes. "I tried to shoot her, I just couldn't pull the trigger and shoot my wife. I guess I'm not the right man for the job." "No" the CIA man replied, "You don't have what it takes. Take
your wife and go the hell home."

The Agents brought the third applicant to the same door to the same room and hand him the same gun. "We must be sure that you will follow instructions no matter what the circumstances, this is your final test. Inside you will find your wife sitting in a chair. Take this gun and kill her." The third man took the gun and opened the door. Before the door even closed all the way, the CIA man heard the gun start firing. One shot after another for 13 shots. Then all hell broke loose in the room. They heard screaming, crashing, banging on the walls. This went on for several minutes, then all went quiet. The door opened slowly, and there stood the third applicant. He wiped the sweat from his brow and said "You guys didn't tell me the gun was loaded with blanks! I had to beat the bitch to death with the chair!"

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A journalist had done a story on gender roles in Iraq several years before the second Gulf War, and she noted then that women customarily walked about 10 feet behind their husbands.

She returned to Iraq recently and observed that the men now walked several yards behind their wives.

She approached one of the women for an explanation.

"This is marvelous," said the journalist. "What enabled women here to achieve this reversal of roles?"

Replied the Iraqi woman: "Terrorist land mines."

I can see Helen Thomas right now, scratching her head while saying, "Huh?"

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The perfect combination

Do you like beer? Does the Blue Screen of Death™ from Microsoft make you want to throw your PC out of the window? Have I got an operating system for you: BEERnix. While it's still BETA, you can still download it, burn it to CD and then boot directly off of the CD. A small little distro, about 400Mb, it will still give you a frothy taste of Linux, to help you make the move away from Microsoft.


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Definition of a bad day

Graumagus created a new one. Excerpt:

Some time later this week I'm scheduled to be struck by a frozen meteor of blue feces released midflight from a faulty airline toilet resevoir. I won't be lucky enough to die from the hit, instead it will permanentally stain my head and face blue and give me brain damage so I wander the earth like a slack-jawed, drooling, Pictish village idiot complete with stank ass lumpy woad paint. It will forever limit my career options to begging for sandwich crusts and ketchup packets, being a Wal-mart greeter, or becoming economic advisor for Governor Blagojevich.

My advice? Start drinking heavily.

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Required reading

From Bill Quick. Excerpt:

Clearly, the anti-patriotic, hate-GWB's-America-First leftwing and Democratic party project is the product of the sort of insanity Megan McArdle made reference to when she declared that the party in power becomes smug and complacent, and the party out of power goes insane. This whole effort reeks of irrationality, and the response to Bush's new pushback raises those stakes to the level of psychosis. Why the hysteria, the panting, stuttering outrage from the unpatriotic left at a mere challenge from Bush?

Because they know it is true. Because they know the charges of unpatriotism are accurate. Because they are horrified, terrified, and mortified that the American people reject them in favor of Chimpy McBusHitlerHelliburton and his evil fascist crew - not once, but twice. They were raised to worship at the internationalist altar, praying for an end to nationalism and, indeed, an end to the nation-state, in favor of the triumph of world socialism. And theirs is a god that failed.

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November 17, 2005

Hacking Firefox

Is Firefox your browser of choice? If so, did you know that you could hack the browser to improve navigation and tab browsing? Then this article is for you.

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Do you know these people?

A list of seven well-known workplace troublemakers, with tips on how to deal with them. Excerpt:

1. The Misery Lady

Identifying Marks

Sweatshirts decorated with symbols of the nearest holiday.

Often Heard Saying

"Good morning! Oh, where's your hat? Do you like mine? Ha ha ha! It's Floppy Hat day! You didn't hear? Ha ha! Well, it was in my e-mail. Oh, no, that's okay! It's all for fun! You don't have to wear a floppy hat! Jean, do we have an extra floppy hat for him?"

What She Is

She knows your birthday. She always wears a smile. She can make your life a living hell. Like Annie Wilkes of Misery fame, she tells you she's your "Number One Fan" and she means it... as long as you do exactly what she wants.

She says it would be fun if everyone in the office dressed like Cupid for Valentine's Day. She suggests we all get together and put on a skit about the things that make us happy. The boss goes along with her in the name of boosting morale.

The reality, as anyone who has cringed their way through Misery Lady's events can tell you, is that she's "boosting morale" in the same way that dressing up her cat boosts the cat's morale

What You Should Do

Let her see things from your perspective.

At one company where I worked as a consultant, I had the men in the office organize Gladiator Days. On Gladiator Day, everyone was required to go shirtless and speak only in profanity. Everyone was forced to carry a club and all requests were ignored unless followed up with a threat (i.e., "Make these fucking copies for me or else I'll see that your daughter starts being an orphan and stops being a virgin on the very same night.")

By lunch, the message was sent loud and clear: what is fun for one and what is fun for another are two very different things.

Sadly, I recognized all seven. What's worse is that some of them are above me in the chain of command. Oh well. It's not like I actually work during the day.

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Public service announcement

Well, it's almost time for the annual Great American Smokeout, where smokers who really want to quit prove to themselves that they can stop smoking for one day. This year's date is November 17. For more information, go here.

This post will stay at the top of this blog until November 17 has passed us by.

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November 16, 2005

Objects in drinking glass are smaller than they appear

A new phase in post-victory celebrations is at hand. I dunno about you, but I'm waxing nostalgic for the day when people simply set fire to random cars. I guess that makes me an old fogey.

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Quote of the day

We speak for the dead.

Details at Ace's place.

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Inmates running the asylum

Sure, it happened in the Netherlands, but I'll bet that some eager activist groups in the US are salivating over the prospect of filing similar charges here. Excerpt:

The Dutch animal protection agency demanded prosecution Tuesday for the shooting of a sparrow that knocked over 23,000 dominoes during an attempt to set a world record.
The ill-fated bird flew into an exposition center Monday in the northern city of Leeuwarden, where employees of TV company Endemol NV had worked for weeks setting up more than 4 million dominoes in an attempt to break the official Guinness World Record for falling dominoes.

The common house sparrow — of a species on the national endangered list — was chased into a corner and shot by an exterminator with an air rifle.

"Under Dutch law, you need a permit to kill this kind of bird, and a permit can only be granted when there's a danger to public health or a crop," said agency spokesman Niels Dorland. "That was not the case."

"I might add: Is it really necessary to kill a bird that knocked over a few dominoes for a game?" he asked.

Dorland said the agency plans to submit the case to national prosecutors.

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Goodbye, majority party status

I was feeling pretty good this week. The President, along with many other prominent GOP'ers, finally started rebutting the BUSH LIED! meme. Add the Alito nomination to the mix and the GOP appeared to be on the rise. Then the Senate Republicans decided to give a vote of no-confidence on the war in Iraq.

Guys, here's a suggestion: go fuck yourselves. And start packing your bags. I now believe that 2006 will top 1994 as a political perfect storm.

Update: Only 13 Republican nays? The Party of the Stupid just became the Party of the Irrelevant. If those feckless sphincter muscles from the GOP aisle of the Senate think that this storm will pass, they're right. What they don't seem to grasp is that it might possibly move Republicans to permanent minority status. Us conservative/libertarian types have put up with a lot of crap from the GOP if only because Team Elephant appeared to be the only party serious about the War on Terror. If, like yesterday, Republicans act in the same manner as Democrat, voters will stay home in droves.

Via Hugh Hewitt comes this telling quote: Bill Frist is dead to me.

Look at the roll call of the vote. "Nay" votes from McCain, Kennedy, Kerry and Leahy, but not from George Allen or Rick Santorum, or Bill Frist? If you'll excuse me, I'm headed to the window to see if a certain group of Horsemen are riding by.

Update: McQ has more.

Final update: The Puppy Blender states, "It's almost as if the Republicans want to go back to being the minority party."

You mean that they aren't?

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It's that time of year again

It's time for the 2005 Weblog Awards. Nominations are now open.

Personal request: someone-I have no idea who, because it sure wasn't me- nominated me last year for, I believe, best humor blog. Notice the 2004 Weblog Award Finalist image in the sidebar. It sure would be nice to be nominated again this year....

Okay, I can be tacky and nominate myself. Feel free to move about the cabin now.

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PGH: Questioning Their Patriotism

Harvey has a doozy of an assignment this week: Is the Mainstream Media patriotic? Why or why not?

Good: Investigative journalists dig up some documents that prove Bush failed to meet his National Guard requirements.
Bad: The documents are such ridiculous forgeries faxed from a Kinkos that the journalists's own experts didn't support them.
Good: Kinkos profits for 2004 go through the roof.
Worse: "Journalists" still claiming the forgeries are authentic one year later.
Good: Dan Rather and Mary Mapes continue to provide material for late night talk show hosts.

Good: ABC, CBS, NBC and CNN provide round the clock coverage of our troops in Iraq.
Bad: That coverage consists of photos of flag-draped coffins or maimed soldiers.

Good: Major networks cover the President's morale building visit to our troops at Thanksgiving.
Bad: The visit is called a crass, politically opportunistic photo op.
Worse: The MSM incorrectly state that Bush used a plastic turkey during the photo op, and harp on "fake" turkey for months.
Good: Manufacturers of plastic turkeys get free publicity.

Good: The press crap themselves to show as many photos as possible of Saddam Hussein's capture.
Bad: Katie Couric and others actually ask whether or not Iraq is safer without Hussein.
Ugly: Many in the press claim that Bush is worse than Saddam.
Good: Katie wore black the day after Saddam's capture, and it really had a slimming effect on her.

Good: After Uday and Qusay get killed during a battle, the MSM show many pictures of the two crapweasels so that they people of Iraq can be certain that Saddam's hellspawn are actually dead.
Bad: MSM spends the next month describing how insensitve the US to Muslims for displaying photos of the deceased.
Good: The little fuckers were still dead.

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November 15, 2005

Required reading

Are you reading the Dilbert Blog? If not, you're missing out. Check out this post and its followup.

Sure, Scott Adams makes with the funny every day, but you might not have noticed that the guy can actually write pretty well.

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How the Matchstick people became extinct

A sad, sad story, but it had to be told.

Click on the extended entry to see what happened.

 __ |__        


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November 14, 2005

More beer blogging

Tim F. over at Balloon Juice posted his weekly Friday beer blogging post. Reading someone else who suffers from the same obsession as me is always a hoot, but I especially like his description of the boiling wort smell from a batch of pumpkin beer. Excerpt:

A short story; bear with me. Picture a freshman dorm in Colorado. Two friends have to run out to the homebrew supplier so it’s up to me to watch ten gallons of boiling, stinking pumpkin beer mash. For those of you who aren’t brewers, that’s roughly what it would smell like if Halloween died in a hot, sealed room and stayed there for a week. Rachel, a feared RA who loved nothing more than to bust students doing outlawed things like brewing beer, wanders in holding her nose.

“Whad are you doing?”
“Uh, ”
“Cooking dinner.”
“Seembs like a lod…”
“Whad is dat?”
“...Gazpacho. Ukranian pumpkin stew. It’s a family specialty. Want to try some?”
“Your loss. Sorry about the smell.”

I like to think that some day in the future she grabbed a waiter at a fine restaurant and declared, “I’ve seen gazpacho, and THAT’S NOT GAZPACHO.” Or something to that effect. The beer was worth the wait.

Tum actually reminds me that I still haven't written the Bottling Your Beer post in my Brewing Your First Beer series. I really want to finish that series and move on to intermediate brewing.

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Updated movie script

Cosmic Conservative has a script excerpt from a movie that, while I'm certain I haven't seen it, seems strangely familiar...

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More yummy goodness

This week, Carnival of the Recipes is hosted by Eric of Myopic Zeal. Lots of tasty recipes there. Sadly, I forgot to submit one. Again. ::sniff::

Anyway, go there and drool.

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Michael Newdow and Cindy Sheehan see a television camera. Who gets to it first? Chuck Shumer, of course.

Looks like Newdow is making a bid to supplant Shumer as the biggest camera whore in the US. He's now filing to have the phrase "In God We Trust" removed from the US currency.

A couple of years ago, I told a friend of mine that it was only a matter of time before someone filed this lawsuit. He told that I was full of shit, that no one would be that big of an asshole. And while my friend may be accurate in his assessment of the quantity of feces my body can hold, he seriously underestimates the enormous size to which walking, talking anuses can grow.

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Helpful advice

Tape a chocolate bar to the outside of your microwave. If the chocolate melts you will know that the microwaves are escaping and it is time to have the oven serviced.

A mouse trap, placed on top on of your alarm clock will prevent you from rolling over and going back to sleep.

Old telephone books make ideal personal address books. Simply cross out the names and addresses of people you don't know.

Before attempting to remove stubborn stains from a garment always circle the stain in permanent ink pen so that when you remove the garment from the washing machine you can easily locate the area of the stain and check that it has gone.

Lose weight quickly by eating raw pork and rancid tuna. I found that the subsequent food poisoning enabled me to lose 12 pounds in only 2 days.

Avoid parking tickets by leaving your windshield wipers turned to fast wipe whenever you leave your car parked illegally.

High blood pressure sufferers: Simply cut yourself and bleed for a while, thus reducing the pressure in your veins.

Olympic athletes. Conceal the fact that you have taken performance enhancing drugs by simply running a little slower and letting someone else win.

Heavy smokers: Don't throw away those filters from the end of your cigarettes. Save them up and within a few years you'll have enough to insulate your ceiling.

Create instant designer stubble by sucking a magnet and dipping your chin in a bowl of iron fillings.

X File fans: Create the effect of being abducted by aliens by drinking two bottles of vodka. You'll invariably wake up in a strange place the following morning, having had your memory mysteriously 'erased'.

A sheet of sandpaper makes a cheap and effective substitute for costly maps when visiting the Sahara desert.

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November 12, 2005

Beat the Geek: Week #10

Here goes the first installment of Beat the Geek. Here are my picks for this week. Leave your picks in the comments if you think that you can do better than me. I welcome the challenge.

Detroit over Arizona - Detroit is at home and Arizone sucks.

Jacksonville over Baltimore- Ditto

Indy over Houston- Double ditto

KC over Buffalo- Buffalo is at home, but their defense has been ragged this year

NY Giants over Minnesota- Triple ditto pick #1

Chicago over San Francisco- Actually, both teams might lose in this game

Denver over Oakland- A road win for Denver puts them on track for a home playoff game

Carolina over NY Jets- Carolina is my preseason NFC champion and I don't see any reason to change now

Tampa Bay over Washington- This cruddy contest will be forced fed to me via my local Fox affiliate this weekend, which means I'm headed to a sports bar

Atlanta over Green Bay(sorry, Harvey)- Atlanta is pretty good. Green Bay has outgained their opponents and outscored them and somehow they're losing. A lot. Call it a trend and move on. I sure would like to see Favre play for a better team this late in his career, though.

St. Louis over Seattle- Seattle wins this game and I'll believe that they're for real. I don't believe it yet.

Pittsburgh over Cleveland- Pittsburgh is better than the Browns. Much better.

Philadelphia over Dallas- Against all rhyme and reason, I'm picking the Eagles. The TO distraction is gone and the team will pull together, I believe. Remember: Philly won 2 playoff games without Owens last year.

My last 3 weeks I've gone 10-4, 12-2 and 11-3. I won't be surprised if I lose 10 games this week. I don't like these matchups.

Posted by Physics Geek at 10:42 PM | Comments (1) | TrackBack

November 11, 2005

Our national pasttime

Bashing the French, of course.

The following is from an email to Neal Boortz:

AP and UPI reported today that the French government announced that it has raised its terror alert level from "Run" to "Hide." The only two higher levels in France are "Collaborate" and "Surrender". The raise was precipitated by a recent fire which destroyed France's white flag factory, thereby disabling its military.

Posted by Physics Geek at 10:34 AM | Comments (1) | TrackBack

What he said

I've ranted on many occassions about the Katie Couric/Matt Lauer/ Tom Brokaw/Dan Rather/CBS/NBC/ABC/CNN/NY Times cabal who keep moaning about the horrid state of the US economy, conveniently ignoring all of the indicators of an amazing, continued expansion. Bizzy Blog adds the proper context:

QUESTION: When is this economy going to some respect?

The economy’s 3.8% third-quarter growth (subject to revision in the coming months) was remarkable, given the storms that occurred during almost the entire final month of the quarter:

Economists had forecast GDP would advance at a 3.6% rate in the July-to-September quarter. The economy has now expanded faster than 3% for 10 straight quarters.

So when was the last time the economy expanded faster than 3% for 10 straight quarters?

It didn’t happen during the 1990s (the longest streak was eight).

It last happened during the 13 quarters from 1Q 1983 through 1Q 1986. Not coincidentally, a president who believed in lowering taxes to stimulate economic growth was in charge the last time it happened.

So despite being at war, despite devastating storms, and despite legislative and regulatory drags on the economy like Sarbanes-Oxley, this has been most consistently growing economy in almost 20 years.

Not only that, the US economy has NEVER had a streak of more than 7 quarters of 3.0% or greater annualized growth at any other time in the 58 years that quarterly GDP statistics have been kept! (besides the ones already mentioned: i.e., the current streak of 10, the 1990s streak of 8, and the 1980s streak of 13–Added Nov. 3 for clarity)

Posted by Physics Geek at 09:16 AM | Comments (1) | TrackBack

November 10, 2005

I, for one, welcome our new spineless Overlords

Fortunately, the aforementioned Overlords won't be in power much longer. My money is that they'll be handed their Minority Party papers sometime in early November, 2006. There is a downside, of course, to this: jackasses like Charlie Rangel and Ted Kennedy will be setting the tone for all economic and environmental decisions made in DC. Then again, I'm not certain that the nation will notice the difference.

Michelle Malkin displays some e-mails from pissed off GOP voters. As for me, I'd say that I'm pissed off, but I'd be lying. I fully expected the GOP to cave on this issue. Why anyone would expect our feckless, cowardly GOP elected officials to finally display any backbone is beyond me.

Posted by Physics Geek at 12:58 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

Best wishes

Stop by and wish Cal Tech Girl a Happy Birthday, a birthday that she shares with the US Marine Corps, God love 'em.

Posted by Physics Geek at 12:39 PM | Comments (1) | TrackBack

I'm always the last to know

But the news is so good, I don't care: Steven Den Beste is back blogging again, this time at Red State. Check out this excerpt in his bio:

Yup, it's me alright. Accept no substitutes.

By the way, please show some couth and don't gush all over the comments.

What is this couth thing, and why is he talking about it?

Posted by Physics Geek at 10:35 AM | Comments (2) | TrackBack

And so it begins

The first Avian Flu death was reported in Anaheim, California. Look at the picture in the extended entry. It's horrifying.

bird flu.jpg

Update: Welcome Vodka Pundit readers! I wondered why my traffic for the day looked like this.

Update: Welcome, Dean Esmay readers!

Update: Link to the Carnival of the Trackbacks.

Update: Best decsription of this photo can be found at The Ramblings of a Geek. Excerpt:

Apparently the first avian birdflu death has occurred in California. A former Navy man and the primary caretaker for triplets too.


Posted by Physics Geek at 08:19 AM | Comments (14) | TrackBack

November 09, 2005

Required reading

Stephen Green typed a masterpiece. Read it all right now.

Posted by Physics Geek at 08:46 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

Take me to your leader

Two aliens land in Metro Detroit, and they happen to land next to a gas station. So, the aliens waddle out of their ship and look around.

The first thing they see that resembles a human being is the gas pump. The two aliens approach and the first one says "Earthling, take me to your leader!" Of course he gets no response...

The first alien looks at his buddy then addresses the pump again. "Earthling, I said take me to your leader!" Of course, still no response...

The alien then turns to his buddy and says "If this Earthling doesn't show me some respect and at least acknowledge me, I'm going to blast him!"

At that the second alien replies, "OK. I'm just going to stand down on the next block."

The first Alien looks a little puzzled, but waits for the other to waddle to the next block. He then addresses the pump a third time.

"Earthling take me to your leader!" Still nothing. So the alien then pulls out his ray gun and vaporizes the pump...

The gas station goes up in a huge explosion, blowing the alien all the way down the block to his buddy. He gets up, dusts himself off, and turns to the second Alien. "If you knew that was going to happen why didn't you warn me!?"

The second replies "Well, I didn't know exactly *what* was going to happen. But there's no way I'm gonna' mess with a guy who's dick hangs to the ground, wraps around his body twice, and is still long enough to stick in his left ear."

Posted by Physics Geek at 03:32 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

Great female comebacks

Man: "Haven't we met before?"
Woman: "Yes, I'm the receptionist at the VD Clinic."

Man: "Haven't I seen you someplace before?
Woman: "Yeah, that's why I don't go there anymore."

Man: "Is this seat empty?"
Woman: "Yes, and this one will be too if you sit down."

Man: "So, wanna go back to my place ?"
Woman: "Well, I don't know. Will two people fit under a rock?"

Man: "Your place or mine?"
Woman: "Both. You go to yours and I'll go to mine."

Man: "I'd like to call you. What's your number?"
Woman: "It's in the phone book."

Man: "But I don't know your name."
Woman: "That's in the phone book too."

Man: "So what do you do for a living?"
Woman: "I'm a female impersonator."

Man: "What sign were you born under?"
Woman: "No Parking."

Man: "Hey, baby, what's your sign?"
Woman: "Do not Enter"

Man: "How do you like your eggs in the morning?"
Woman: "Unfertilized !"

Man: "Hey, come on, we're both here at this bar for the same reason"
Woman: "Yeah! Let's pick up some chicks!"

Man: "I'm here to fulfill your every sexual fantasy."
Woman: "You mean you've got both a donkey and a Great Dane?"

Man: "I know how to please a woman."
Woman: "Then please leave me alone."

Man: "I want to give myself to you."
Woman: "Sorry, I don't accept cheap gifts."

Man: "I can tell that you want me."
Woman: "Ohhhh. You're so right. I want you to leave."

Man: "If I could see you naked, I'd die happy:
Woman: "Yeah, but if I saw you naked, I'd probably die laughing."

Man: "Hey cutie, how 'bout you and I hitting the hot spots?"
Woman: "Sorry, I don't date outside my species.."

Man: "Your body is like a temple."
Woman: "Sorry, there are no services today."

Man: "I'd go through anything for you."
Woman: "Good! Let's start with your bank account."

Man: "I would go to the end of the world for you.
Woman: "Yes, but would you stay there?

Posted by Physics Geek at 03:07 PM | Comments (2) | TrackBack

Ping me. Hard

Harvey posted a quick fix to a problem that I'm certain fellow MuNuvians have experienced: inability to retrieve the trackback URL for a post. Being the geeky sort of dork that I am, I'd already figured it out for myself, but didn't post about it because I'd assumed everyone already knew it.

Yeah, I know what you're thinking. My wife feels the same way. She reminds me frequently that other people's brains do not work the same way that mine does, to which the proper response is "Thank goodness."

Anyway, it's kind of cool, so check it out.

Posted by Physics Geek at 12:24 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

Freaking Microsoft

Another security flaw that allows someone to take over control of your computer, huh? Why can't Microsoft make regular errors in their programs? Things that force you to reboot your computer occassionally, or lockup your keyboard, or simply stop functioning? Oh wait, Microsoft still has those errors in addition to the more egregious security flaws. Isn't that special?

Words for the future today: embrace the Penguin.

Posted by Physics Geek at 10:40 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

Worthy read

From Rabbi Shmuley Boteach. Excerpt:

The American male is broken, and in his own brokenness, he is compromising his marriage and crippling his children. Immersed in a culture which is obsessed with success through competition, he is trained to forever feel like a failure. Rather than peering inside himself to discover his own unique gifts, he stares in front to see who has surpassed him, and behind, to see who is gaining on him.

The modern American male has little self-esteem and is a muddle of broken dreams. He lives in a society resembling not a circle, in which all are treated more or less as equals, but a pyramid, in which only a tiny few are perched at the top and the overwhelming majority are made to feel that they are at various stations of the bottom.

He is painfully aware that the recognition and respect of his peers will not come from assisting his kids with homework, or remaining faithful to his wife. All around him, the culture glorifies men who have built businesses even as they have abandoned wives, like Jack Welch and Donald Trump. Treating his co-workers with dignity will never bring him into the Forbes 400. Reading his children a bedtime story will not get him an invitation to the White House.
Bereft of inspiration, he fails to inspire his children. He does not parent them so much as admonish them. So they are reduced to searching for substitute heroes, and like him, they become TV addicts. The company of friends soon becomes far more fulfilling than their father's company, further isolating parent from child.

The great tragedy of this daily scenario is the fact that all along this man was a hero, only he never saw it. He got up every day to feed his children. He struggles with temptation, yet came home to his wife. But that never made him feel good about himself, because he bought the lie that a man is only important if he is rich or famous.

Read it all.

Posted by Physics Geek at 10:32 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

A disaster waiting to happen

I knew that San Francisco was run by idiots, but I didn't expect the actual residents to be stupid enough to vote against their own interests. Silly me. Anyway, it looks like almost 60% of San Fran residents voted to make owning a handgun illegal. After the civilization meltdown during the Katrina aftermath, you might have thought that even the liberal-pinko-commies would have given some thought to self-preservation. You'd be wrong. Here is Neal Boortz's take on it:

The voters of San Francisco, that's who. By a 58% to 42% margin they voted to make the ownership of a handgun illegal in San Francisco, and to require that every resident of San Francisco who owns a handgun to turn it in to the government by April 1st. April 1st, by the way, is more commonly known as "April Fool's Day." Even voters in San Francisco should be bright enough to figure out that law-abiding citizens will be the ones to turn over their guns, while the lawless, the criminal element, will not. The number of guns in the hands of law abiding citizens will go down. The number of guns in the hands of criminals will not.

It is particularly amazing that 58% of the San Francisco voters would support this foolish measure after New Orleans. San Francisco faces the prospect of a natural disaster far worse than Katrina. Do the people of San Francisco think that the criminal element will just stay home and behave after the earthquake hits? There will be no violence? No looting? After the experience of the victims of the lawless in New Orleans it is hard to believe that any logical group of Americans would voluntarily disarm. But ... I did say logical, didn't I?

Here's a question: how many people actually believe that all of the gun-owning liberal wussies in the city(there are bound to be large number, despite the local politics) will voluntarily give up their guns? I'm going to guess that the number is low. Certainly much lower than the actual number of legal handguns currently owned in SF.

Look for San Francisco to become the Britain of the Left coast. Criminals will be able to rob, maim and kill with impunity. Any citizen caught defending himself will be punished severly.

Posted by Physics Geek at 10:21 AM | Comments (1) | TrackBack

November 08, 2005

And now for something completely different

Time to forget politics for a while and get back to what's really important: football.

A couple of years ago, I instituted the Beat The Geek football picks. I think that it's time to pick up where I left off. Mid-season my seem like a funny time to get started, but it's better than never.

Last week: 11-3

Season record: 91-39

Picks for last week

wrong Atlanta 17 10 Miami

correct Carolina 34 14 Tampa Bay
correct Cincinnati 21 9 Baltimore
correct Detroit 14 27 Minnesota
correct Houston 14 21 Jacksonville
correct Oakland 23 27 Kansas City
correct San Diego 31 26 NY Jets
wrong Tennessee 14 20 Cleveland
correct Chicago 20 17 New Orleans
correct NY Giants 24 6 San Francisco
correct Seattle 33 19 Arizona
correct Pittsburgh 20 10 Green Bay
correct Philadelphia 10 17 Washington
wrong Indianapolis 40 21 New England

I'll have my picks in sometime on Friday. Feel free to try and beat me. No prizes for winning, just that warm sense of satisfaction that comes from a skill that's useless outside of Vegas.

Posted by Physics Geek at 08:22 PM | Comments (2) | TrackBack

We knew that it was good

Turns out that it's good for you, too. Beer, that is. Excerpt:

"Mmmm … beer."

This oft-repeated sentiment of Homer Simpson is a mantra for the millions of beer drinkers in the United States. As popular as beer is, however, it often has gotten a bad rap as a calorie-loaded beverage that only serves to create paunchy beer bellies and alcohol-fueled lapses in judgment.

But that negative image may begin to fade: Research is showing that beer could join the ranks of other guilt-inducing but wildly popular foods — chocolate, coffee and red wine — as a possible disease-fighter.

It turns out that beer hops contain a unique micronutrient that inhibits cancer-causing enzymes. Hops are plants used in beer to give it aroma, flavor and bitterness.

The compound, xanthohumol, was first isolated by researchers with Oregon State University 10 years ago. Initial testing was promising, and now an increasing number of laboratories across the world have begun studying the compound, said Fred Stevens, an assistant professor of medicinal chemistry at Oregon State's College of Pharmacy.

Earlier this year, a German research journal even devoted an entire issue to xanthohumol, he said.

What Stevens and others are discovering is that xanthohumol has several unique effects. Along with inhibiting tumor growth and other enzymes that activate cancer cells, it also helps the body make unhealthy compounds more water-soluble, so they can be excreted.

I wonder if alcohol is one of the unhealthy compounds of which they speak? Then again, who cares?

Thanks to blogless friend Jeff for the link.

Posted by Physics Geek at 04:18 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

November 07, 2005

My prediction

Despite one poll showing Kaine with an 8-point lead over Kilgore, I predict that tomorrow's VA gubenatorial election will be decided by 1-4 points. And despite Potts pulling a robust 4% from Kilgore's column today, I also predict that most of those voters will end up pulling the lever for Kilgore. And, for what it's worth, election polls traditionally underestimate the votes for a Republican. However, that usually happens at the federal level, not the state level. So here's my prediction:

Kaine: 48%
Kilgore: 47%
Potts: 1%

Kaine benefits from a popular Democrat governor, although that popularity is, as far as I can tell, undeserved. To his credit, Mark Warner has been a pretty moderate Democrat, which is the only type that this state will elect, except for the I-promise-I-won't-raise-taxes-so-what-I-did broken promises on taxes. However, the Republican majority in the state legislature gets most of the blame for that, and rightfull so, as the Democrats didn't have the votes to enact an increase without Republican help. There will be enough disaffected Republican voters who believe that it doesn't really matter who's in office anymore.

Update: After mulling over matters last night, I've decided to be a bit more optimistic based on several factors:

1) Back in 1989, Doug Wilder was predicted to blowout Marshall Coleman. He ended up winning by around 5,000 votes.

2) The 2004 national elections proved that Republicans could get out the vote as well, if not better, than the Democrats.

3) Mark Warner was up big in the polls against a tepid candidate who he had outspent by an enormous margin going into election day 4 years ago, but managed only a 4%-5% victory.

4) As I mentioned, Potts 4% in the polls won't translate into 4% of the actual voters. Many of those voters will end up voting for Kilgore.

5) Virginia is, buy and large, a pretty Republican state. Ask Joh Kerry how he did last year. I do understand the differences between state and federal elections, though.

I'm callling it a tossup.

One caveat: Virginia voters should beware the dreaded Democrat bias in early exit polls. Around 3:00 p.m. on election day last year, John Kerry thought that he was president. I can already the NBC/CBS/ABC/CNN talking heads trumpeting "IT'S OVER!!!!" before the polls close, which would make some people simply avoid voting altogether.

Posted by Physics Geek at 09:54 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

The competition

There was a competition to cross the English channel doing only the breaststroke, and the three women who entered the race were a brunette, a redhead and a blonde.

After approximately 14 hours, the brunette staggered up on the shore and was declared the fastest breaststroker. About 40 minutes later, the redhead crawled up on the shore and was declared the second place finisher.

Nearly 4 hours after that, the blonde finally came ashore and promptly collapsed in front of the worried onlookers.

When the reporters asked why it took her so long to complete the race, she replied, "I don't want to sound like I'm a sore loser, but I think those two other girls were using their arms..."

Posted by Physics Geek at 12:40 PM | Comments (1) | TrackBack

I love science

It leads to experiments like this one: What is the Ultimate Jell-O® Shot?

This experiment shows promise as well. Paraphrasing an old line from Dennis Miller: I wear two condoms all of the time and, when I get ready to make love, I take one off, which makes me feel like a wildman. It's kind of like a batter in the on-deck circle swinging two bats so that one bat will feel light by comparison.

Posted by Physics Geek at 10:33 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

In rare form

Mike has the latest draft of our living Constitution. Excerpt:

We hold these truths to be open to interpretation, that all Men, Wymyrns, Chyldryns, and Animals are created Equal and must remain exactly so throughout the course of their Lives, especially in an economic sense; that they are endowed by the Government of their Betters with certain negotiable Rights, ripe for Dialoguing, that among these are Life (in the Collective), Liberty (to a point), and the pursuit of Happiness (to be defined by us at a later date, and to specifically preclude the practice of Christianity and Judaism) –That to define these rights, Governments are instituted among Men by their Betters, deriving their absolute powers from the consent of the Enlightened, –That whenever any Form of Government becomes destructive of Individual Liberty, it is the Right of the Elite to expand it, and to institute new Rules incessantly, laying their foundation on such principles and organizing its powers as Political Correctness shall demand, as to them shall seem most likely to effect their Seeming Surface Harmony and Balance with Gaia.
Bill of Malleable Particulars

Article [I.] Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of Christian or Judaic religion, or prohibiting the free exercise of Islamism, Wiccanism, or Paganism; or abridging the freedom of speech of the Enlightened, or of the Mainstream Press, such term understood to specifically exclude Wingnut Bloggers or any and all aggregations of Americans organized to redress grievances not involving Environmentalism, Racial Preferences, or any other Cause the Enlightened approves of (such aggregations hereafter to be known as Special Interests); or the right of the Enlightened to assemble and riot if necessary, in protest or other attempt to Speak Truth to Power, and to petition the Government for a redress of Imagined Grievances.

Article [II.] There is no Article II. There never was. Look, over there! A lion! No, really! Look!

Go there. Now.

Posted by Physics Geek at 10:17 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

I passed

You Passed the US Citizenship Test
Congratulations - you got 10 out of 10 correct!
Could You Pass the US Citizenship Test?
Link via Dean.
Posted by Physics Geek at 09:20 AM | Comments (2) | TrackBack

Quantum theory wrong?

What if everything you know is wrong? If this report has any truth to it, I'll have to unlearn a lot quantum physics. Then again, quantum physics was always my weakest course, as I preferred the more concrete stuff.

Posted by Physics Geek at 09:04 AM | Comments (1) | TrackBack

The honest boss

How does your boss stack up against this one?

Posted by Physics Geek at 08:50 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

November 05, 2005

Something for the Christmas wish list

Guess what's going to be released on DVD this December 20? If you guessed the widescreen DVD of Serenity, you guessed right. YEEEAAARRGGGHHH!!!!

Uh, that last statement can be translated as "I've just pre-ordered my copy."

It's time for all of us Serenity/Firefly fans to start talking this up. Big DVD sales this Christmas season.

Update: Via Harvey comes some pictures from DragonCon, notable not for its excessive supply of geeks, but rather the photo of Jewel Staite someone was able to snap. Almost as cool as the signed photos of Elizabeth Gracen I got at Syndicon in 1998.

Posted by Physics Geek at 09:21 PM | Comments (1) | TrackBack

November 03, 2005

Interesting list

John Henke finally posts a followup to his review of left-wing blogs. This time, right-wingers are in his sights. Notable excerpts:

(1) Instapundit— right-leaning, pro-Iraq war (neo)libertarian; essentially, Glenn Reynolds is the managing editor of the right side of the blogosphere, and linkage from Instapundit can make or break a post, a blog or a controversy. As Reynolds has noted in the past, "InstaPundit is not an unbiased news service. It consists entirely of my opinions and such links to factual items as I find interesting." Fortunately, Reynolds reads and links widely, and, if not unbiased, he's at least relatively even-handed.
(5) Hugh Hewitt— If you were to combine all three Powerline bloggers, Sean Hannity and any given Republican Party Chairman in some sort of GOP experiment to create the most reliable Republican pundit'd have Hugh Hewitt: the distilled essence of The Party Man.
(13) ScrappleFace; IMAO; Lileks; Cox and Forkum— Republicans are funny, too! Granted, they can't draw like Ted Rall, write like Mark Morford, or make people laugh like Michael Moore. But, really, that's a compliment.

Read the rest.

Update: I checked out the left-wing blog review again and I simply have to post this excerpt:

(8) Oliver Willis —- Ridiculously partisan shill who spends a lot of time complaining about how partisan other people are. Worth reading, if only for the frequent pretzel-logic and double-standards.

Posted by Physics Geek at 08:37 PM | Comments (3) | TrackBack

Rules for women

Everyone has seen the rules for guys from women. Here's the response:

Women, learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

Birthdays, Valentines, and Anniversaries are not considered by us to be opportunities to see if we can find the perfect present . . . . again!

Sometimes we are not thinking about you. Live with it.

Sunday = sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.

Don't cut your hair. Ever. Long hair is always more attractive than short hair. One of the big reasons guys fear getting married is that married women always cut their hair, and by then you're stuck with her.

Ask for what you want. Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!

We don't remember dates. . . .Period!!

Most guys own three pairs of shoes - tops. What makes you think we'd be any good at choosing which pair, out of thirty, would look good with your dress?

Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.

Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.

If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.

If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.

If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.

Let us ogle. We are going to look anyway; it's genetic.

You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

Christopher Columbus did not need directions, and neither do we.

The relationship is never going to be like it was the first two months we were going out. Get over it. And quit whining to your girlfriends.

ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.

If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.

We are not mind readers and we never will be. Our lack of mind-reading ability is not proof of how little we care about you.

If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.

When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear Is fine...Really.

Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball, navel lint, the shotgun formation, golf, camping, or monster trucks.

Foreign films are best left to foreigners. (Unless it's Bruce Lee or some war flick where it doesn't really matter what they're saying anyway.)

You have enough clothes.

You have too many shoes.

BEER is as exciting for us as handbags are for you.

I am in shape. Round IS a shape!

Thank you for reading this; Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight, but did you know that men don't really mind that? It's like camping.

Posted by Physics Geek at 10:01 AM | Comments (3) | TrackBack

November 02, 2005

Open source gets a leg up

Google has partnered with OpenOffice. Cool.

That sound you heard was Bill Gates sphincter tightening.

Posted by Physics Geek at 04:41 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

I can review that movie in...

Four words or less. Check out the reviews for Serenity:

River: the Reaver Slayer

Whedon' need no Alliance

Posted by Physics Geek at 04:35 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

Darwin award nominee

Okay, so the incident happened three years ago. An inquest is in progress, though. Excerpt:

A UNIVERSITY student died after being hurled 100ft through the air by a medieval-style "trebuchet" catapult, an inquest heard yesterday.

Kostydin Yankov, 19, an Oxford University student, suffered multiple injuries and serious spinal damage when he fell short of the safety net.

He was on a day trip with the extreme sports club, The Oxford Stunt Factory, to Bridgwater, Somerset, in November 2002 when tragedy struck.

A jury at Taunton Coroner's Court in Somerset heard that Kostydin - Dino to his friends - was the fifth person to be "fired" by the device on the day of his death. All four people who went before him landed at the nearest end of the safety net.

Posted by Physics Geek at 10:08 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

November 01, 2005

Blame Jonah

I don't know where the dude finds stuff like this: cat bowling. Sure offend cat lovers everywhere.

Even K-Lo gets into the act by posting a link to Yoda break dancing.

Posted by Physics Geek at 12:22 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack