November 30, 2004

PGH

I pretty much dropped the ball on any and all Alliance assignments during the election season. However, now I can go back to what I do best: humor. See? You're laughing already. Anyway, here is the lastest PGH: What exaggerations, distortions or outright lies will the Legacy Media promulgate as fact in the closing days of 2004?

So many lies choices, so little time. Anyway, here we go:

1) Helen Thomas will be seen wearing a bikini. Katie Couric and Matt Lauer will do a week long, in depth study of how this is indicative of global warming.

2) One of the Bush twins will become engaged to a ::gasp:: man over the Christmas holiday. Dan Rather will open the CBS evening news with a special on homophobia running rampant through the Bush household.

3) Bin Laden will be captured; citizens in Afghanistan and Iraq finally rebel against the terrorists in their respective countries and install democracies; the House of Saud gives women the right to vote; and the Palestinians voluntarily disarm themselves as a sign of good faith to their friends in Israel. Peter Jennings, in search of his high school diploma, opens the evening news by declaring the Bush doctrine a failure because none of the aforementioned has countries have created a version of Social Security yet.

4) Michael Moore makes another documentary before January 1 that proves that President Bush was responsible for the attack on Pearl Harbor, the assassination of President Lincoln and the execution of Christ. Hollywood immedidately waves their own rules and awards the film best Picture, Best Documentary and Best Film That Equates Bush to Hitler.

5) Tom Brokaw will examine evidence of voter fraud in Texas, which could change the outcome of the presidential vote. Brokaw will neglect to mention that this would change the margin of victory from 40% to 39.9999999999%.

6) A freak 50" snowfall will hit Los Angeles. The NY Times will run a 10 part series on this new evidence of global warming. Unfortunately, no one is able to read the articles after a newly formed glacier crushes Manhattan.

7) Moveon.org provides incontrovertable proof that Mondale really won the 1984 election.

8) 60 Minutes will show that Bush killed the Wicked Witch of the East by dropping a house on her to illustrate the Bush administration's horrid residential zoning laws.

9) The water used to melt the Wicked Witch of the West will provide more evidence of Bush's failed environmental policies.

Time to stop. If my examples become any more deranged, I might have people like Kos linking to me.

Posted by Physics Geek at 09:29 PM | Comments (1)

Books that I've read twice

I'll take the bait from Hugh. What follows is probably an incomplete list, but it may give you some insight into how my mind works. Be afraid; very afraid.

The Hobbit and The Lord of the Rings trilogy have both ranked high on my re-read list since I first muddled through them at the age of 8. I never go more than 3-4 years without reading them both. I believe that I've read about Bilbo's adventure 15 times and about the One Ring 13 times. I've read The Silmarillion much less often, say around 5 times.

Stephen Donaldson makes my list with the original Thomas Covenant trilogy, which I've read about 8 times over the last 25 years. I'll be wading through the Second Chronicles for the 2nd time so that I'll be prepared for the third trilogy.

I enjoyed The Hitchhiker's Guide To the Galaxy immensely. Great humor combined with science fiction makes an unbeatable combination. Just a guess, but I've probably read that novel 5 times.

Starship Troopers also makes the list. One of Heinlein's best efforts. It's a pity that the movie was so wretched. Oh well.

On to Stephen King. Salem's Lot has passed before my eyes three times, while I've waded through The Stand twice.

The Narnia and Perelandra series by C.S. Lewis also make the list. I've read each of them at least 3 times.

Ive read Catch 22 twice. So far.

Hmm. I'm certain that I've forgotten a couple of books, but the list above comprises a majority of books that I've read multiple times. Funny how fantasy and science fiction make the list so often.

Update: I just remembered one more: Mila 18, a classic by Leon Uris.

Posted by Physics Geek at 07:50 PM | Comments (4)

"I lost on Jeopardy..."

I was there
to match my intellect
on national TV.
Against a plumber
oh and an architect,
both with a PhD.

The end is near. Looks like the rumors we heard in September could come true tonight.

After amassing the largest pot of winnings in TV game show history -- more than $2.5 million -- in a "Jeopardy!" winning streak that began way back on June 2, Jennings is brought down tonight after he flubs two Double Jeopardy responses and then blows the Final Jeopardy round, according to a report circulating yesterday.

Bummer. I'll miss him. And I will be watching tonight.

Update: Yep, Ken Jennings finally lost. He lost big on the Daily Double and then flubbed Final Jeopardy. Having watched the entire episode, I feel safe in stating that his successor will not enjoy as long a stay at the top. Just an FYI.

Posted by Physics Geek at 07:31 PM | Comments (0)

All Ace, all the time

I really enjoyed Ace's blog this past election season. He displayed the ability to combine Dungeons and Dragons with biting political humor. No mean trick, that. Anyway, what you might not have noticed is that he's a pretty fair writer. This column is a case in point. Excerpt:


Many liberals take genuine offense at the expression of an anti-liberal political notion. It's not just a political disagreement; to them, it's an attack on them as a person. As the liberal has so much of his sense of personal worth invested in his identity as a liberal, disagreements over policy are actually attacks on the core of his feeling of self-worth.

Not only does this make honest and logical argumentation difficult, but it also has the unavoidable effect of making liberals think that anyone who disagrees with them is a bad person. There's no getting around that implication: If liberal thoughts make one good, then it must be the case that un-liberal thoughts make one bad.

And that's why liberals honestly, genuinely believe that people who disagree with them are just plain bad. Not misguided. Not merely wrong. Not beginning with a different set of unproveable first assumptions which, inevitably, lead to wildly different conclusions. No-- if you disagree, you're a bad person. You're certainly unenlightened, probably stupid, and maybe racist and fascist to boot.

Liberals really have to learn to check that impulse. It's difficult to persuade those who disagree with you when your pitch is made from the standpoint of condescension and barely-disguised contempt. And the fact that so many liberal shibboleths are deemed sacred and simply not open to debate -- after all, if those bromides are questioned, wouldn't that be a confession that perhaps liberals aren't quite so superior as they think? -- make them inflexible and unreasonable even in the face of evidence and declining political appeal.

I've made the case several times on this blog that I remember the way the Democrat party used to be. Memo to Democrats: please pull your party back from the abyss. You made a good start by NOT nominating Howard Dean as your presidential candidate. Keep it up by finding some common ground with your political opponents. Remember that they are only your opponents; the people who want to blow us up are our enemies.

Posted by Physics Geek at 07:08 PM | Comments (0)

Reality takes a U-turn

finally_happens2.jpg

Ace mentions that Michael Moore actually made some sense on the Tonight Show. Money quote:

He said that the Republicans "told a good story" -- that since 9-11, we had not been attacked -- and admitted that was a "powerful" story. His body language of course indicated he thought that story was pure bunkum, of course. And he said the Democrats had no "story" of their own.

The most interesting remark, however, came after Jay asked "Why do you think Bush won?" Moore answered, "I think he got more votes."

I wonder if he just lost his Hollywood leftist street cred? Of course, not being invited to parties that Al Franken attends might be considered a good thing.

Posted by Physics Geek at 06:54 PM | Comments (0)

Now I can die happy

Aaron graciously created my own Blogopoly game piece. Behold:

blogopoly-piece-physics-geek.jpg

Cool. Thanks dude.

Posted by Physics Geek at 04:42 PM | Comments (2)

November 29, 2004

Updating the blogroll

So Bill moved to this site. Or is it this one? Eesh. It's too much like work. However, he makes life a little sweeter with this picture(click on image for larger size):

juliadress.jpg

Yes, I think her politics are nutty. I still think she's hot.

Posted by Physics Geek at 09:19 PM | Comments (4)

He's just big-boned

Parents need to get a firmer grip on reality. You'd think that buying tall and fat adult sizes for a 5th grader would faze them, but you'd be wrong.

Posted by Physics Geek at 09:10 PM | Comments (0)

"the way you drink...

says a lot about you." Here's the article and here's the excerpt:

Now there's a study that tells us we should be looking AT the glass, most specifically how folks hold their pints. That could reveal many secrets. Last week several newspapers in the United Kingdom reported on research by Dr. Aric Sigman, a psychologist and biologist who indentified six basic drinking poses.
...
The six categories of drinking demeanor found in male drinkers aged 18 to 40:

Pose 1: Libidinous or sex-mad. Exemplified in the "firm erect grip" round the middle of the glass, coupled with an arched back, stretching pectoral muscles and a swaying pelvis, generally making grand gestures with the non pint-holding hand. Example: singer Robbie Williams.

Pose 2: Self-righteous. Glass held aloft, as if toasting a crowd of adoring acolytes (or himself), the spare hand rests limply on the hip. Example: Tony Blair.

Read the rest.

Posted by Physics Geek at 08:15 PM | Comments (1)

Developing "scandal"

Czechs were offered two beers if they donated blood. I don't see the problem. Every time I give, I'm instructed to drink more fluids. Anyway, since the article is likely to roll off of the front page soon, I'm including the whole thing here:


Czechs Offered 'Beer for Blood'
Czechs were offered two beers in return for their blood in an effort to recruit blood and bone marrow donors. Anyone donating blood as part of the "beer for blood" campaign in Prague in October received two half-liter glasses of beer in return.

"The objective is to recruit new regular blood donors and also bone tissue donors," the initiative's organizer, Jaroslav Novak, editor of a Czech beer magazine, told AFP.

The campaign was held as part of a fair dedicated to St. Wenceslas at the Vystaviste exhibition ground in the north of the city. It will travel to other parts of the country.

The Czechs are the world's largest per-capita consumers of beer, knocking back 42.7 gallons per person last year. Sounds like they have the right group for the project.

42.7 gallons per year, or 5465.6 fluid ounces per year, which comes to roughly 15 ounces per person per day. They must be the slimmest people on the planet because they're doing the "Beer-Me" Diet plan all year 'round. You aren't familiar with that particular diet? Look no further than below...
========================================
The "Beer-Me" Diet

It seems that a lot of people are dieting recently, trying everything from an all-carbohydrate to an all-protein mix. I have another suggestion, one that has worked through the ages: the "Beer-Me" diet. Personally, I have a "liquid dinner" every time I go to the club on Friday night!

  • Fact: A lite beer has between 70 and 100 calories, is almost all water, and the part that isn't water is almost pure carbohydrates.
  • Fact: The average diet recommends a daily caloric intake of 1,200 calories for women, 1,500 for men, if you want to lose the medically safe two to three pounds a week. On the "Beer-Me" diet, that equates to at least 12 beverages a day for women, and 15 for men. A measurable goal.
  • Fact: The alcohol in beer is a diuretic, which causes the water to flush out almost immediately, leading to a consistent workout regimen including deep knee bends (getting out of the chair), fast walking (very good for your heart) and squats (as the case may be).
  • Fact: Drinking beer actually helps you sleep-even when you aren't necessarily tired. All that added rest is certain to help any problems you may have experienced in sleep deprivation, counting calories on those other fad diets. In addition, you may experience the occasional "How did I get here?" when you wake up, which always makes for lively conversation, and possibly additional exercise if you have to sneak out and run home.
  • Fact: The "Beer-Me" diet is good for your heart. After just one day of consuming your required 12-15 beers, you will certainly want to consume some aspirin, which is medically proven to help prevent heart attacks.
  • Fact: On the "Beer-Me" diet you can eat anything you want. The only rule is that you cannot consume any food until you have consumed at least half of the day's required beers. This way the food will probably only stay in your body a short time, until you again exercise the deep knee bends, quick walk and, this time, the "lean-over-and-hurl" stomach crunches.
  • Fact: Beer drinking is often done in bars, where other forms of exercise are common. Dancing, for example, is a good way to build up a thirst, as is chasing members of the opposite sex. If you really want to maximize your workout, try actually walking up to the bar, versus using a waitress. To take this to the extreme, you could even get up and get someone else a beer-perhaps someone who is newer to the diet plan than yourself.
  • Fact: Beer is cheaper than Jenny Craig.

Based on these facts, let's run through a given scenario for diet implementation.

Caution: This is a weekend diet plan, and should be attempted during the work week by only the staunchest of dieters.

  • Monday through Thursday: Eat junk food, and basically be a slob.
  • Friday: Feeling "huge," swing by the liquor store and stock up. Go to favorite place of beer drinking and begin the consumption process (remember 12 for women, 15 for men).
  • Saturday: Wake up (as required) and lounge around all day, feeling slightly smaller after expunging any food that you may have accidentally consumed (particularly if it involved beef jerky from the 7 Eleven). Take aspirin. Notice that you have absolutely no interest in food, anyway.
  • Saturday (p.m.): Restart cycle, noticing that your appetite has still not returned. Perhaps only meet half of your consumption goal due to an ongoing discussion with "the dog t 364 hat bit you." This is a good thing, as only half-consumption means less than 1,000 calories for the day, and you still don't feel hungry.
  • Sunday (a.m.): Wake up for mandatory sports day. This is a very convenient diet during football season, but it can be successfully implemented year-round. There is some major professional sport being played every day of the year except the day before and the day after the Major League All-Star game (fact-look it up). Consumption on this day should be paced to cover the entire day-you don't want to peak too soon. Again you notice a lack of appetite, and are feeling thinner all the time. Don't forget the aspirin.
  • Monday: Return to work, feeling thinner, well rested, and surprisingly mellow. Mark your log book, and begin preparation for the upcoming weekend.

Update: Uh, make that 15 ounces per day, not 15 beers. I is edumecated. Thanks to a commenter who didn't attempt math on no sleep. I've updated the post above. Thanks for the heads up.

Posted by Physics Geek at 08:11 PM | Comments (3)

Spam websites facing potential denial of service

Mheh. You simply install a screen saver that requests data from websites mentioned in Spam. Since the sites derive no income from this request, the servers just spin their collective wheels. Yippe-kay-yay, motherf***er.

Posted by Physics Geek at 07:47 PM | Comments (0)

Friends of Iraq Blogger Challenge

Spirit of America is at it again with another blogger challenge designed to gin up donations. Michele has decided against forming a team again(too bad- the Victory Coalition was a great team, other teams notwithstanding). However, she has formed a one woman team, in who's name you can contribute. Michele did such a bang-up job last time that I'm linking to the site where you can donate in the name of A Small Victory. My gutter image will be updated soon.

foi_1.gif


Posted by Physics Geek at 07:24 PM | Comments (0)

A blogger changing her stripes

It looks like some freaky-deak Michael Moore fans have threatened bodily harm against Rachel Lucas. Consequently, she will be starting a new blog using a pseudonym. As regrettable-and ridiculous- as that seems, I agree with her position and wish her well. However, I will be on the lookout for her new blog. Here's her hint:

I'll ask a few of my blogging friends, whose blogs most of you probably read, to toss up a link to my new blog when it's ready, without mentioning my name. Most of you will probably figure it out. But new readers won't, and that's the idea. More on all this later. I'm kinda stressed out today. I feel bad about not writing people back and I am tortured by it, believe it or not.

Good luck, Rachel. I'll follow the breadcrumbs to your new home, wherever that might be.

Posted by Physics Geek at 05:55 PM | Comments (0)

"We are the knights who say, "Nee!"

And the search continues. Cool. No word on how the experiments on the velocity of African and European swallows is progressing.

Tip o' the blog to Kelley.

Posted by Physics Geek at 05:31 PM | Comments (1)

I'm not ashamed

Okay, I also watch Desperate Housewives. However, I can tell that I'm a little older than Jay. Excerpts:

1) Teri Hatcher. She's one of the best comic actresses around, both in timing and physicality. Put her on the screen and you're guaranteed laughs.
Further, she's a screaming hottie about whom I've harbored impure thoughts about since I first saw her in "Lois And Clark." She is, quite simply, one of the most beautiful women I've ever seen.

First saw her on Lois and Clark? Bah. I'm surrounded by children. I remember her playing Penny Parker on MacGyver. Her appearance in an early episode of Tales From The Crypt was memorable more for her wearing a nice lacy bra than anything else. She was, and still is, drop dead gorgeous. I have one other quibble with Jay's commentary:

But Teri, please, take it from someone who's loved you for years. Keep the clothes on. I saw you in "Heaven's Prisoners," and -- how can I say this kindly? -- gravity has not been kind to you. Keep wearing the hot clothes.

He needs to rent Cool Surface and check out Teri pre-sag. ::drool:: Besides, I don't know what he expects from a curvy woman when she makes it to 40. Some things are bound to be a little less firm. I prefer to think of it as well-aged, like a really good wine.

2) Felicity Huffman. Of course he mentions Sports Night, but he neglects two earlier notable TV appearances: Golden Years, which was my first introduction to Ms. Huffman, and a 1st season appearance on the X Files in the episode "Ice".

3) Marcia Cross. I was first introduced to this shapely redhead on Melrose Place( and no, I'm not ashamed about that one either) back in 1992. I've had a... thing... for her since then.

All these children in the blogiverse make me feel old. Okay, that and the fact that I AM old.

Posted by Physics Geek at 04:35 PM | Comments (0)

Helping out our troops

Vox's column at WND displays a request from an Army Major in Kuwait. Excerpt:


Greetings from Kuwait. Been over here in the desert with the Army for about 10 months and trying to keep up my sense of humor. Enjoy your Monday commentary on WorldNetDaily. A little intellectual stimulation goes a long way over here ... I would love it if you would consider this unusual request:

Everyone has their favorite movie. You know, that special movie you can watch over and over again by yourself or with someone special. I'd like for you to send us your favorite movie on DVD.

But there's a catch. With each movie sent, I want you to attach a note telling us what makes it your favorite movie (i.e., how it touched you, special memories, favorite scenes, why you relate to it, etc). I'm not asking for a lengthy review, just a small note with your personal thoughts.

Write your thoughts on a 3x5 card or sticky note and insert it inside of the DVD case. Please include your e-mail and/or mailing address. I know plenty of soldiers and sailors here who would love to watch them ... I'm eager to know what you consider to be your favorite movie.

Here's the important part, though:

If you wish to respond to the major's request, send DVD's to:

MAJ SCOTT SADLER
SDDC SWA (FWD)
CAMP SPEARHEAD
APO, AE 09305

Posted by Physics Geek at 02:40 PM | Comments (0)

Making some headway

A woman, paralyzed for 20 years, walks again after being treated with stem cells. No ethical dilemmas here. Excerpt:


A South Korean woman paralyzed for 20 years is walking again after scientists say they repaired her damaged spine using stem cells derived from umbilical cord blood.

Hwang Mi-Soon, 37, had been bedridden since damaging her back in an accident two decades ago.

Last week her eyes glistened with tears as she walked again with the help of a walking frame at a press conference where South Korea researchers went public for the first time with the results of their stem-cell therapy.

They said it was the world's first published case in which a patient with spinal cord injuries had been successfully treated with stem cells from umbilical cord blood.

Though they cautioned that more research was needed and verification from international experts was required, the South Korean researchers said Hwang's case could signal a leap forward in the treatment of spinal cord injuries.

The use of stem cells from cord blood could also point to a way to side-step the ethical dispute over the controversial use of embryos in embryonic stem-cell research.

Update: Predictably, the "all death, all the time- except for Death Row inmates" crowd is pretending that this is a great victory in the march to as much embryionic stem cell research as the government can pay for. Professor Bainbridge has the scoop.

Posted by Physics Geek at 02:33 PM | Comments (0)

November 28, 2004

You just knew that this was coming

Jeff links to a story that will probably irritate most people that don't have their heads firmly embedded in their asses. Excerpt:


A California teacher has been barred by his school from giving students documents from American history that refer to God -- including the Declaration of Independence.
...
Among the materials she has rejected, according to Williams, are excerpts from the Declaration of Independence, George Washington's journal, John Adams' diary, Samuel Adams' "The Rights of the Colonists" and William Penn's "The Frame of Government of Pennsylvania."

Neato.

Neal Boortz has more, including the name and address of the school principal. Have at it:

Stevens Creek Elementary School
10300 Ainsworth Drive
Cupertino, California 95014

Principal: Patricia Vidmar
(408) 245-3312

Posted by Physics Geek at 02:55 AM | Comments (1)

Yummy goodness

Carnival of the Recipes #15 is up and simmering over at Random Thoughts. Go over there and check it out.

I can't believe I forgot to submit a recipe. Again. However, I have managed to eat a buttload this holiday, so that makes up for it. Right? ::burrrrrpp::

Excuse me.

Posted by Physics Geek at 02:10 AM | Comments (0)

November 24, 2004

Ouch

Found in the estimable Best of the Web:

Reuters quotes Ron Artest, the Indiana Pacers forward who's been suspended from basketball for fighting with fans in Detroit, as telling People magazine: "I'm trying to be positive. I'm a big fan of the Nobel Peace Prize."

Well, Ron, we admire you for setting your sights high. But if you want a Nobel Peace Prize, throwing a few punches is woefully inadequate. You're at least going to have to start blowing people up or something.

Posted by Physics Geek at 04:01 PM | Comments (1)

Broken clock, twice a day and all that jazz

Andrew Sullivan weighs in on the decision by See BS to keep Rather on at 60 Minutes. Excerpt:

Why on earth is Rather staying on full-time at Sixty Minutes, the show whose reputation he besmirched by rashness and partisanship? Notice the ABC News story barely mentions the memo-gate fiasco. Rather's tenure as CBS anchor was bound to end some time soon. Big deal. A simple question: How can you rehire a man for Sixty Minutes when you haven't even published your own investigation into the journalistic meltdown that he presided over? Shouldn't you wait until you know what actually happened before you declare that someone will stay on full-time? And how long does such an investigation take, for Pete's sake? My bullshit detector just went through the roof on this one.

Update: Sigh. Trying to compete with a guy who reads the entire freaking Internet before breakfast is simply a waste of time. I guess I could go on about the great minds et al, but why bother?

Posted by Physics Geek at 03:49 PM | Comments (0)

The rest of us still aren't sorry

However, the world finally responds to our their begging for forgiveness. Here's my favorite:

bush the power.jpg


Damn. They're on to us.

Update: Forgot to give credit where credit is due for the link. Whoopsy.

Posted by Physics Geek at 03:26 PM | Comments (1)

Non-holiday humor and associated dreck post

Vox posted an interesting comment from JW about how men treat women and vice versa. Excerpt:

In my circle of acquaintances, and probably with yours, there are a few men that do not treat their women well. But the majority of the time, in a group setting, it is the women who disrespect their men. Every 10-15 minutes two things happen: a woman asks a favor of their man, and a woman disses her man (by insulting him, mocking him, scoffing at him, or making him the brunt of a joke). These women regularly say things to or about their man, publicly, that they would be irate about if he said the same. The ironic thing is that most of these women are otherwise decent people, but no one seems to take offense to their verbal snarls at their men--but if a man says something disrespectful there is a rallying call to support the woman.

Vox responds, displaying his usual facility with the English language. Pertinent excerpt with the money quote highlighted:

JW is correct and I am no misogynist, but being a male of unusual verbal skills, I have always enjoyed the look of utter shock on a woman's face when I turn her words around and shred her to bits in public. I'm not sure if it is my ability or my willingness to do so that is more unexpected, but on more than one occasion I have had the impression that the men around were on the verge of breaking into spontaneous applause at the verbal vivisectomy. I can't stand bullies of any kind and I derive much the same pleasure from taking down a verbal bully as I once did from bouncing a physical bully's head off a brick wall.

One of the reasons that I married Space Bunny was that she never once forced me to treat her that way; she is far too civilized to play show-the-leash games or indulge in bully-cat behavior. Such women are, in the words of the wise man, more precious than gold.

Amen to that. I count my blessing every day that I stumbled onto, and somehow convinced to marry me, a woman like that. I've been around too many eviscerating harpys in my lifetime; I can't imagine living with one.


Posted by Physics Geek at 02:59 PM | Comments (0)

This week's sign that the Apocalypse is upon us

Via Kevin. I'm certain that the musical quality will rival that of this album, which appears to be out of print. However, the website linked above allows you to hear such holiday classics as "Zip It".

Posted by Physics Geek at 02:47 PM | Comments (0)

Just what eveyone wants

An interactive game to Fix-A-Turkey. Lots of violent humor. Mheh.

Posted by Physics Geek at 02:30 PM | Comments (0)

A Thanksgiving prayer

From Charlie Sheen, no less. Excerpt:

Thank you, O Lord, for keeping Heidi Fleiss's mouth shut when it was supposed to be shut, and open when it was meant to be open. Wink, Wink.

Thank you, O Lord, for my magnificent head of hair.

Thank you, O Lord, for my Bank Card commercial which airs every NFL timeout. I make more for that 30-second spot than my gardener Hiyoshi will make in his lifetime, and as You know, those Japs live forever.

Thank you, O Lord, for my wife Denise Richards. She is just as sexy a little slut in real life as she was in "Wild Things," and I need not remind you, Almighty Father, how hot she was in that.

::sniff:: It's beautiful, man. Go read it all to truly get into the Thanksgiving spirit.

Posted by Physics Geek at 02:28 PM | Comments (0)

How to cook a turkey

This has been making its way around the Internet since 1500 B.C., even though the first computer still hadn't been manufactured yet. However, if there's one thing that you can count on me for, it's recycling the stalest holiday humor you've ever seen between now and the New Year.
---------------------------------------------------
HOW TO COOK A TURKEY

Step 1: Go buy a turkey

Step 2: Take a drink of whiskey, scotch, or JD

Step 3: Put turkey in the oven

Step 4: Take another 2 drinks of whiskey

Step 5: Set the degree at 375 ovens

Step 6: Take 3 more whiskeys of drink

Step 7: Turn oven the on

Step 8: Take 4 whisks of drinky

Step 9: Turk the bastey

Step 10: Whiskey another bottle of get

Step 11: Stick a turkey in the thermometer

Step 12: Glass yourself a pour of whiskey

Step 13: Bake the whiskey for 4 hours

Step 14: Take the oven out of the turkey

Step 15: Take the oven out of the turkey

Step 16: Floor the turkey up off the pick

Step 17: Turk the carvey

Step 18: Get yourself another scottle of botch

Step 19: Tet the sable and pour yourself a glass of turkey

Step 20: Bless the saying, pass and eat out

Posted by Physics Geek at 02:05 PM | Comments (0)

the Cameron Column #1(#57 reprinted): The Thanksgiving Turkey

Like many men, I am different from my wife in ways which are noticeable, and, in my opinion, fortunate.

Take the Thanksgiving turkey (and I mean that literally. PLEASE come over to our house, open the refrigerator, shove aside everything growing green fuzz, and take this carcass away before it reincarnates as turkey lasagna or turkey tetracycline or whatever new concoction awaits the family.) But take Thanksgiving--my wife prefers small birds that fit nicely into the roasting pan and which can be cooked in a few hours.

"Ha!" I can be quoted as sneering. I trace my own gender lineage to that proud, hairy group of hunter-gatherers who, prior to the invention of TV remote control, would pick up their spears, huddle, and then go out and pull down a huge bison for dinner, stopping at the bar on the way home for a couple of cave brews. So when I go to the store for a turkey, I find a TURKEY: a mammoth, many-pound fowl with drum sticks as large as my thighs and wings you could park a car under.

Words cannot describe the delight on my wife's face when my neighbors help me carry the bird into the refrigerator, where, following the instructions, it is left to thaw for a period of six months. (My wife often has several interesting but impractical suggestions on where else we might stick the turkey for this thawing procedure.) Cooking begins around Halloween, a slow roasting process which varies from my mother's recipe in that there are no flames or threats of divorce "if anybody says a word about how the turkey tastes."

I enjoy every step of turkey preparation, particularly since I am not involved in any of it. Well, that's not entirely true--at one point, I am asked to reach into the mouth of the turkey and retrieve the giblets, which turns out to be a bag of what looks like pieces of Jimmy Hoffa. (I realize I am not, technically speaking, putting my hand in the bird's "mouth," but I'd rather not dwell on what this means.) How the turkey manages to swallow this stuff in the first place is beyond me. Traditionally, we open this bag, dump the contents into a pan of water, and boil the results. Only the cat is happy about this development.

As wonderful as this all is, by the fourth or fifth night my appetite for turkey variations has waned, and I provide valuable feedback to my wife by making gagging noises at dinner time. Her verbal (as opposed to projectile) response to this is to imply that it is somehow MY fault we have so many leftovers, to which I logically reply, "hey, YOU cooked it."

Now, before you men out there become too smug with how adroitly I out maneuvered her with my quick retort, you should be advised that she STILL blames me for our turkey-induced bulimia. Therefore I appeal to my readership: has anyone else noticed bizarre psychiatric reactions to turkey consumption which might explain this whole controversy? Please advise via return e-mail, which will be picked up by the crack WBC technical team and, judging by previous results, forwarded to the Governor of New Jersey.

Thanks... oh, and Happy Thanksgiving too.

The Cameron Column, A Free Internet Newsletter
Copyright W. Bruce Cameron 1998


Posted by Physics Geek at 02:04 PM | Comments (0)

Spicing up Thanksgiving dinner

Here is a new way to prepare your Thanksgiving or Christmas Turkey.

1. Cut out aluminum foil in desired shapes.
2. Arrange the turkey in the roasting pan, position the foil carefully (see
attached)
3. Roast according to your own recipes and serve.
4. Watch your guests' faces.

Posted by Physics Geek at 02:02 PM | Comments (0)

Thanksgiving proclamation from 1789

George Washington’s Thanksgiving Proclamation, 1789

Whereas it is the duty of all nations to acknowledge the providence of Almighty God, to obey His will, to be grateful for His benefits and humbly to implore His protection and favor; and Whereas both Houses of Congress have, by their joint committee, requested me "to recommend to the people of the United States a day of public thanksgiving and prayer, to be observed by acknowledging with grateful hearts the many and signal favors of Almighty God, especially by affording them an opportunity peaceably to establish a form of government for their safety and happiness:"

Now, therefore, I do recommend and assign Thursday, the 26th day of November next, to be devoted by the people of these States to the service of that great and glorious Being who is the beneficent author of all the good that was, that is, or that will be; that we may then all unite in rendering unto Him our sincere and humble thanks for His kind care and protection of the people of this country previous to their becoming a nation; for the signal and manifold mercies and the favorable interpositions of His providence in the course and conclusion of the late war; for the great degree of tranquillity, union and plenty which we have since enjoyed; for the peaceable and rational manner in which we have been enabled to establish constitutions of government for our safety and happiness, and particularly the national one now lately instituted; for the civil and religious liberty with which we are blessed, and the means we have of acquiring and diffusing useful knowledge; and, in general, for all the great and various favors which He has been pleased to confer upon us.

And also that we may then unite in most humbly offering our prayers and supplications to the great Lord and Ruler of Nations, and beseech Him to pardon our national and other transgressions; to enable us all, whether in public or private stations, to perform our several and relative duties properly and punctually; to render our National Government a blessing to all the people by constantly being a Government of wise, just, and constitutional laws, discreetly and faithfully executed and obeyed; to protect and guide all sovereigns and nations (especially such as have shown kindness to us), and to bless them with good governments, peace and concord; to promote the knowledge and practice of true religion and virtue, and the increase of science among them and us; and, generally, to grant unto all mankind such a degree of temporal prosperity as He alone knows to be best.

Given under my hand, at the city of New York, the 3rd day of October, A.D. 1789


Posted by Physics Geek at 02:00 PM | Comments (0)

November 23, 2004

Wishing everyone a Happy Thanksgiving

thanksgiving.JPG

Update: Gregg Easterbrook adds more. Excerpt:

In other NFL news, Thanksgiving has become Throwback Day, with teams to wear
old-fashioned uniforms and old logos on the NFL.com home page. TMQ suggests this
menu for your own personal Throwback Thanksgiving:



  • Wild turkey, shot with a musket and hand-plucked.
  • Dried maize; no corn-on-the-cob.
  • Ample, overflowing servings of lobster. (The Pilgrims considered lobster
    tasteless and complained in their diaries of having to eat it so often.)
  • Seal meat.
  • Hard apple cider. (Till the early 1800s or so, hard cider was in rural
    North America considered the only totally safe beverage, because the alcohol
    killed waterborne pathogens; children often drank diluted hard cider and went
    through the day slightly tipsy.)
  • For desert: plums, grapes and stewed pumpkin. (There is no chance the
    Pilgrims ate pie at the first Thanksgiving, because they had no refined sugar.
    Until the 1800s, most Americans rarely tasted anything containing refined
    sugar.)

As you dig into your turkey, stuffing and pecan pie, washed down with a $10
bottle of wine superior in quality to any wine available to the 17th-century
kings of France, remember how hard your ancestors worked, and how they
sacrificed, in the dream that someday their descendants would be warm, well-fed
and secure against nature. Considering that your forebears just a century ago
had an average lifespan of 46 years and often shivered during winters while
eating mostly salt-preserved food, try to get through turkey day without
complaining about anything, okay? Happy Throwback Thanksgiving!

Posted by Physics Geek at 05:03 PM | Comments (0)

Burn baby burn

The anti-capital punishment types will be out in force over this case. Actually, I have no problem who oppose ALL killings on moral principles. My sister opposes abortion and capital punishment. Anyway, what's really going to get my goat are those "but for the grace of God, there go I" ultra-leftist feminist types who will be out in force claiming that this poor, poor, misunderstood woman actually lopped off her 11-month old baby's arms as a cry for help. Maybe they can qualify it as a really late term abortion. After all, it's HER body. The fetus has no rights.

Posted by Physics Geek at 03:17 PM | Comments (0)

Bird droppings or cow pie: you decide

Andy Rooney spoke to students at Tufts University recently and had the following pearls of wisdom to offer:

Rooney also attributed voters' reliance on religion in the recent election to ignorance. "I am an atheist," Rooney said. "I don't understand religion at all. I'm sure I'll offend a lot of people by saying this, but I think it's all nonsense."

He said Christian fundamentalism is a result of "a lack of education. They haven't been exposed to what the world has to offer."

Rooney said he also could not understand how "men who work with their hands voted for George Bush," and again attributing the phenomenon to a lack of education. "The labor force is conservative," he said. "How in the world did that happen?"

Translation: you people are freakin' morons, especially those of you who believe in God. Now go back home, but don't drive too far or you'll fall off the edge of the Earth.

Nice little assnugget, this Mr. Rooney. I guess my degrees in physics and nuclear engineering, my background as an engineer in aerospace alloy development and my current career as a computer programmer are all illusions. After all, someone that believes in God can't be educated, right? Anyway, the old pusbag does make one valid point, which might surprise his friends at See BS:

"I am very critical of some of the people at CBS who make it apparent what their political leanings are," Rooney said. "That's what happened to this thing of Dan Rather's that got out. There's no question they wanted to run it because it was negative towards Bush."

I think that Rooney and the Dan are going to have a chat soon.

: Paul is already on the case.

Posted by Physics Geek at 03:09 PM | Comments (2)

Anti-religious bigotry continues to grow

And just a little way up I-95 from where I live. Apparently, it's forbidden to let the children™ know that the Pilgrims were a devout group that repeatedly thanked the Almighty during the first Thanksgiving. Excerpt:

Young students across the state read stories about the Pilgrims and Native Americans, simulate Mayflower voyages, hold mock feasts and learn about the famous meal that temporarily allied two very different groups.

But what teachers don't mention when they describe the feast is that the Pilgrims not only thanked the Native Americans for their peaceful three-day indulgence, but repeatedly thanked God.

Thanksgiving is usually taught as a part of social studies and emphasizes cultural immersion.

"The Pilgrim Story is read in Spanish and English," said Alfreda Adams, principal at Mills-Parole Elementary School in Annapolis, where 70 Hispanic students attend. "We make sure that we celebrate all cultures."

School administrators statewide agree, saying religion never coincides with how they teach Thanksgiving to students.

The Mayflower, Pilgrims, Native Americans become enduring symbols to students before the week-long hiatus they are granted each year to spend time with their families.

"In elementary school we learned that the Pilgrims came to the Indians and they all had a feast," said Emmanuel Cobington, 13, and a seventh-grader at Annapolis Middle School.


Dude, righteous feast! Cool.

Posted by Physics Geek at 02:31 PM | Comments (0)

Flatus: a heartwarming Thanksgiving tale

There was an old married couple that had happily lived together for nearly forty years. The only friction in their marriage was caused by the husband's habit of breaking wind nearly every morning as he awoke.

The noise would always wake up his wife, and the smellwould cause her eyes to water as she would choke and gasp for air. Nearly every morning she would plead with him to stop ripping one in the morning. He told her that he couldn't help it. She begged him to see a doctor to see if anything could be done but the husband wouldn't hear of it. He told her that it was just a natural bodily function, and then he would laugh in her face as she tried to wave the fumes away with her hands. She told him that there was nothing natural about it, and if he didn't stop, he was one day going to "fart his guts out."

The years went by, and the wife continued to suffer, and the husband continued to ignore her warnings about "farting his guts out", until one Thanksgiving morning. Before dawn, the wife went downstairs to prepare the family feast.

She fixed pumpkin pie, mashed potatoes, made gravy and, of course, a turkey. While she was taking out the turkey's innards, a thought occurred to the wife as to how she might solve her husband's problem. With a devilish grin on her face, she placed the turkey guts into a bowl and quietly walked upstairs hours before her flatulent husband would awake. While he was still soundly asleep, she pulled back the covers and then gently pulled back her husband's jockey shorts.

She then placed all of the turkey guts into her husband's underwear, pulled them up, replaced the covers and tiptoed back downstairs to finish preparing the family meal.

Several hours later she heard her husband awake with his normal loud butt trumpeting. This was soon followed by a blood curdling scream and the sound of frantic footsteps as her husband ran to the upstairs bathroom.

The wife could not control herself, and her eyes began to tear up as she rolled on the floor laughing. After years of putting up with him she had finally gotten even.

About twenty minutes later, her husband came downstairs in his blood-stained underpants with a look of horror in his eyes. She bit her lip to keep from laughing, and she asked him what was the matter. He said, "Honey, you were right. All those years you warned me, and I didn't listen to you."

"What do you mean?" innocently asked his wife.

"Well you always told me that I would end up farting my guts out one of these days and today it finally happened. But by the grace of good Lord and these two fingers, I think I got 'em all back in."

Posted by Physics Geek at 01:37 PM | Comments (2)

November 22, 2004

This just in...

There's a new video game in town. No official word yet on what the company's next release will be, but anonymous sources say that The Polly Klass Sleepover Extravganza will be on the shelves by next Christmas.

Posted by Physics Geek at 06:58 PM | Comments (0)

Lileks on scifi

Harvey, the following is the only part you would care to read of today's Bleat:


I watched the first episode of Battlestar Galactica’s new season. Not something I ever thought I would look forward to, given how much I loathed the original. I mean, if you were eight years old and watched it in your Underoos and have great love for it because it was part of your childhood, that’s fine. Sad, but fine. At the time we quasi-adults thought it was stupid, and an obvious ripoff of the Genius of George Lucas. (In retrospect, they just showed us what Lucas probably would have done if he’d had to produce a weekly series.) I watched the two-hour special on Sci-Fi only because Ronald D. Moore was connected to it. He could re-envision “My Mother the Car” and I’d watch it. (In his version, the “mother” would be some sort of holographically stored personality matrix based on the character’s dead mother, loaded into a GPS program to humanize the user interface; he buys a new car, hears his mother’s voice. As the season goes on the computer program based on his mother begins accessing emotions and memories the software writers did not intend to include, but were unintentionally added to the matrix due to the program’s cross-correcting synaptic relay duplication algorithms, or something like that. In Moore’s hands, it would be believable and touching.)

Anyway. The new series has not yet broadcast here in the states, but it’s coming. Bottom line: Yes. Yes, indeed. It’s very good. Even the Courtney-Love-as-Starbuck thing works. The slogan for the show: “The World is Over.” And that’s exactly how it feels. The show has a pervasive ache to its tone and timbre, and I applaud all involved. I can only hope that the people behind the 80s version of “Buck Rogers” watch it and soil themselves in shame. If Twiki ever went up against Jar-Jar I’d root for the Binks. Which says a lot. To be exact, it says “bidi bidi bidi.” Meesa hate that.


Posted by Physics Geek at 06:42 PM | Comments (1)

Yes, I'd like cheese with that whine

I enjoy running. Not so much when some lunatic is chasing me while weilding a meat cleaver, but rather for fun and exercise. I'm not a fast runner, but I am able to maintain my mediocre pace over long distances. Consequently, my times in 10k+ races tend to be reasonable, usually around the middle of the pack. However, it seems that every time I try and train for a marathon, I end up getting injured. Here's the annoying part: not one of those injuries has been injury related.

Example #1: After completing my sixth half-marathon, I decided to start lengthening my biweekly long runs a la Jeff Galloway's method of training. Two days after completing my 18 mile run, my neck seized up. More specifically, a knot formed in the muscle tissue near the crest of my scapula, forming an acorn sized mass that was physically palpable. It felt like a rock. This painfully tightened all of the muscles along the left side of my head. I started eating aspiring like Chiclets just so I could sleep. The jouncing of my neck muscles while running made me want to scream, so I had to curtail my training for about 5 months. Scratch one race. Oh, I tried running the marathon on zero training for several months. Around the 20 mile mark, my leg muscles attempted to curl themselves into a fetal position. Argh.

Example #2: I was at the 15 mile mark when the spring in my car door sprung and the door slammed onto my shin. Hard. The resulting bone bruise and damage to the fascia took a long time to heal. Scratch race #2.

Now this year. I started my training far too late to be ready for the Richmond Marathon, but I was thinking about the Virginia Beach Marathon in the early spring. Along comes the most beautiful of baby girls into my life. I spent a lot of time on my knees next to her crib while trying to console her. Apparently, the soft tissue in my left knee is not really a fan of newborns. Now I have an appointment with an orthopedic guy near the end of this month to try and figure out how much damage there actually is. Guess what I've been unable to do for the last 7 weeks. And I can't use the exercise bike either due to the excessive pain. Pretty much all leg motions make me squeal like a pig, so swimming is out, too. So long, hard-earned fitness. Sigh. I'd feel sorry for myself, but then I look at my wife and two children and realize just how damn lucky I am. The knee is a just a nuisance. An excruciatingly painful nuisance one, though.

Here's hoping the ortho guy can figure out what's wrong and fix it. Scope, knife, whatever. I just want to get it done.

See, freedom from beal is easy. You just need to be self-absorbed and whiny; it looks like I hit the daily double with this post.

Posted by Physics Geek at 06:27 PM | Comments (2)

And still more yummy goodness

Carnival of the Recipes #14 is up and running over at Boudicca's place.

Why am I always the last to publicize this? Besides being a freaking idiot, of course.

Posted by Physics Geek at 05:37 PM | Comments (1)

Curmudgeonly scifi author at it again

I love Ray Bradbury. Not so much his science fiction, although The Illustrated Man and Farenheit 451 are a couple of my all-time favorites, but rather for his I-don't-give-a-damn-what-people-think approach to speaking. He says exactly what's on his mind, regardless of his audience. I used to enjoy seeing him trade bards with Bill "Dickhead" Mahrer on Politically Incorrect, back when it was funny. One night sexual harassment came up and Bradbury was asked his opinion. His reply went something like this:

Mahrer: "So Ray, what do you think about sexual harassment?"

Bradbury: "I think sexual harassment should be legal. I sexually harassed my wife for 2 years before she agreed to marry me."

It's tough to imagine the current touchy-feely PC age producing someone like him. Anyway, he's got an editorial at Opinion Journal. The subject? An expedition to Mars. Excerpt:


Put all these together, shove them in tomorrow's slot machine and pull the handle. If the totals come up with three swastikas, three hammer and sickles, or three papal crowns with honeybee insignia, the results may well be the same.
What we need now is a competition of hatreds and loves. The final reward on Mars might well be not spices or gold, but the squashing of egos and a promise of immortality.

In any event, time is running out. Congress, as usual, is imitating Sleeping Beauty. It is time to waken from the slumber.

That footprint on the moon is being filled with eternal dust and Mars still waits to have its canals filled with our dreams. Where, oh where, is the technological madman to wake us from our slumbers and provide us with the proper destiny?

Tomorrow morning, may that madman be born.


Posted by Physics Geek at 02:40 PM | Comments (0)

November 19, 2004

Great idea, but it's already been done

Someone has created a beer that contains a huge jolt of caffeine. Big whoop. In one of my brewing books, a homebrewer experimented with bittering agents other than hops and was quite taken with the idea of using caffeine. His recipe included enough Vivarin tablets to make your heart beat like a jackrabbit's. Add that to a beer buzz and your evening will be off to a great start.

Posted by Physics Geek at 03:57 PM | Comments (4)

Willful ignorance from Sullivan

Andrew keeps on peddling the same tripe. Excerpt:

Since there's no legal history of civil marriage being transportable to another state if that state opposes it as a matter of public policy, and since the 1996 Defense of Marriage Act enshrines that principle even more emphatically, and since even Massachusetts hasn't finally resolved its policy, real conservatives should wait and see.

Gee, you'd think that Sully would bother to actually look IN the Constitution when me makes statements such as this one. Hey Andrew, ever heard of the Full Faith and Credit clause? Or is that portion shaded on in your copy by the emanations and penumbras? I've heard of that before: it's called the "Shadow doctrine". I refer to it as the Bullshit doctrine, of course, but that's because I'm a maladjusted social misfit that actually believes what the Constitution says. I guess that that position is too nuanced for you.

Posted by Physics Geek at 03:45 PM | Comments (0)

I must be the last person to know

Apparently, Target and Best Buy have banned Salvation Army volunteers from the front of their stores this year. Hmm, what to say, what to say... wait minute, I know. Fuck them. Sorry if the profanity bothers you, but I'm getting a little incensed over the anti-Christian bigotry in this country, espcially around a Christian holiday and all. For the record, I believe that the ACLU headquarters are closed on Christmas. If they really believed their own bullshit, they'd remain open. Calling it "winter holiday" doesn't wash; everyone knows it's Christmas, even my atheist and agnostic friends.

Good news on one front though: it appears that BJ's Wholesale Clubs, of which I am a happy member, has opened its doors to the annual red kettle drive. And of course Wal-Mart welcomes the Salvation Army every year. Time to go visit those two retailers whilst I fart in the general direction Target. For the record, they're building a Target across the street from my neighborhood BJ's. Guess which side of the street I won't be stopping on?

Posted by Physics Geek at 03:34 PM | Comments (2)

Finding that happy place within

Michele has discovered a way to keep herself centered during the day. Excerpt:

I have acheived inner peace through writing about semen covered dinners, suicidal Santas and rock and roll.

Me? I use a different method to remain calm.

Posted by Physics Geek at 03:22 PM | Comments (2)

The end is near

Of Chris Matthews' credibility, that is. And that's just sad. See, I remember the early days of Softball Hardball, back when Matthews used to go after liberals and conservatives alike. Rush Limbaugh even allowed Matthews to be a guest host on his radio show; I'd be quite surprised if Rush asked Michael Moore to sit in the Attila the Hun chair for a day. Anyway, something inside of Chris snapped during the last 4 years of a Republican administration. I no longer watch Hardball to discover his positions on the issue; they're easy enough to find over at the Democratic Underground. And that's a pity. Thanks, Chris, for moving down to your new level of integrity. If you look up, you might see Dan Rather.

Posted by Physics Geek at 03:01 PM | Comments (0)

Scientific breakthrough

UCLA Medical Research

A study conducted by UCLA's Department of Psychiatry has revealed that the kind of face a woman finds attractive on a man can differ depending on where she is in her menstrual cycle. For instance, if she is ovulating she is attracted to men with rugged and masculine features. However, if she is menstruating, or menopausal, she is more prone to be attracted to a man with scissors lodged in his temple and a bat jammed up his ass while he is on fire.

Further studies are expected.

Posted by Physics Geek at 02:06 PM | Comments (2)

Geekalanche?

Well, that's odd. I checked my site stats this morning and noticed that I hit a new record for hits yesterday: 375. Small potatoes for most blogs, but a huge hit for me. Then I checked my referrer logs to see who was sending me all of the traffic. I checked the last 100 referrers and found that 67 of them were, umm, me. From this post. Since I don't link to myself in the post, I can't see how I'm generating my own traffic. My guess is that some of it is bleeding over from Risawn, who's been getting buried by the Puppy Blender. Anyway, I don't get it, but I do appreciate the jump in traffic. Now I'll wait and see how long it takes to drop back down to earlier levels.

Update: Welcome Instapundit readers! Stay and visit for a while, if you're so inclined. Especially if you like beer and beer gadgets. At least now I understand the spike in traffic.

Update #2: Turns out that I'm getting lots of links from Risawn, who's been getting swamped with her own Instalanche, which in turn sends people to me. Surprise! Anyway, I just wanted to thank Risawn for adding me to her blogroll. She required only minimal groveling, which was much appreciated. Being a married guy, I exceed my quota for begging every day before breakfast. However, forcing me to wash her car every day for the next 2 years seems a bit pricey.

Posted by Physics Geek at 01:47 PM | Comments (0)

November 18, 2004

Great American Smokeout

Attention all smokers! Put the following date on your calendars: November 18. That is the day when smokers struggling to kick the habit can prove to themselves that it IS possible to quit smoking. How? By abstaining for a single day. Once you've accomplished that, try another day. Repeat as necessary.

Good luck, everyone. I have confidence that you can do it. Remember: it's just one day. You can do anything for one day.

Update: this post will stay at the top of this blog until November 18 has passed.

Update: Just in case you needed any more reasons to quit. check out this article. Excerpt:

More than four million people die from smoking-related causes each year, making nicotine addition a leading cause of preventable mortality worldwide.

Posted by Physics Geek at 11:59 PM | Comments (4)

Some common sense

Harvey posits an idea that I'd be glad to support. Excerpt:

There's a thought I've had for years, but rarely dare to speak publicly, lest I be branded some sort of hate-monger, but here it is:

If you get direct payments from the government, you don't get to vote.

Why? Because you've been bribed. There's a direct conflict of interest. If a judge had a direct financial stake in the outcome of a trial, he'd have to recuse himself. Why should voting be any different?

Posted by Physics Geek at 04:39 PM | Comments (3)

Kick the U.N. off of our soil. Now.

The UN formed a committee to determine the cause of anti-Semitism. Conclusion? It's the fault of the Jews. Excerpt:


Recommentations:

. . . The leaders of Jewish communities should also act to distinguish defence of the State of Israel from the fight against anti-Semitism. . . .

Contextualising the memory of the Holocaust with that of other genocides and serious events in contemporary history in order to make sure that at the end of the day everyone can feel the Holocaust as their own tragedy, both Jews and non-Jews.

In other words, according to the U.N. experts' draft report, discrimination against individual Jews is bad, while "anti-Zionism"--the denial to the Jewish people of an equal right to self-determination--is not. Since it is the perception of unconditional Jewish support for Israel that leads people to attack a Jewish cemetery, and anti-Semitism was absent from the Muslim world prior to the Arab-Israeli conflict (the mufti of Jerusalem and his friend Hitler notwithstanding), the way to defeat anti-Semitism is for Jews to cut loose defense of the state of Israel. And by the way, anti-Semitism will diminish if only we stop emphasizing the unique horror of the Holocaust.

I cannot begin to express my contempt for this bloated, parasitic organization. Suffice it to say that I will throw a party when the UN becomes a historical footnote.

Update: In a related matter, Pat Buchanan has trouble coming to grips with reality. Taranto has the scoop:

Pat Buchanan weighs in with a defense of Yasser Arafat against Boston Globe columnist Jeff Jacoby:

If, as Jacoby writes, Arafat "inculcated the vilest culture of Jew-hatred since the Third Reich," why did Ehud Barak offer him 95 percent of the West Bank and a capital in Jerusalem? Why did "Bibi" Netanyahu give him Hebron?

Why did Shimon Peres and Yitzhak Rabin share a Nobel Prize with him? Why did Bill Clinton invite him to the White House more times than any other leader? Were they all enablers of terrorism?

No.

Actually, the answer is yes--but Buchanan fails to acknowledge it even after the fact.


Posted by Physics Geek at 04:07 PM | Comments (2)

Want to waste some time?

Then go to this site. Submit different commands; force the chicken to do your bidding. I tried "dance" and it worked. Sadly, the chicken depressed me by being a better dancer than me. I cheered up, though, when I remembered that EVERYONE is a better dancer than me.

Posted by Physics Geek at 02:36 PM | Comments (1)

Is our children learning?

Apparently some of them are. A boy correctly spelled a 310 letter medieval word in front of his class. A nine year old boy, at that. Next on his agenda is a word containing more than 1,000 letters.

Posted by Physics Geek at 02:27 PM | Comments (2)

Theater of the absurd

Not surprisingly, it comes from San Francisco. Excerpt:

Berkeley tolerates its homeless people, and takes good care of their stuff when they abandon it in shopping carts.

Not only does the city pack carts and other belongings into a huge container in case folks want it back -- it also deep-freezes them for as long as 90 days
...
Critics say Berkeley's freezer program is an example of good intentions run amok. The city, which faces a $7.5 million deficit, should treat abandoned shopping carts as stolen property instead of worrying so much about the contents, they say.

"The amount of money wasted in this city is so outrageous it's ridiculous, '' said Jim Hultman, who learned of the cart freezing while fighting a $50,000- a-year program near his house that gave homeless people rented storage space.

I'll bet Jim sings a different tune when the townspeople show up at his front door wielding pitchforks and torches. The inhuman monster.

Posted by Physics Geek at 02:24 PM | Comments (0)

Get a grip

So a guy opens a coffee shop with the name Bad Ass Coffee. As you might expect, some people are upset at the vulgarity. Those people have a point. However, they proceed to go off the deep end, thereby losing support from most rational people. Excerpt:

They aren't buying the explanation that the Bad Ass Coffee Co. chain takes its name from the lovable-looking beasts used to haul beans in Hawaii.

"We're not promoting any body part," Liotta, a Lindenhurst resident whose franchise will be the first in the Chicago area, said Tuesday. "It is about the donkeys," which are featured on the company's signs.

But Marion Rush, who is leading a petition drive against the shop, isn't swallowing that argument.

"I'd be upset if someone came up to my child and said `badass,'" Rush said. "I would be upset if my daughter used the word `badass'."

On Monday, the Antioch Village Board agreed, passing a resolution condemning the name and likening it to a sort of moral apocalypse.

Moral apocalypse? Right.

Posted by Physics Geek at 02:20 PM | Comments (1)

It's heeerrrree

Well, almost. Bill Whittle's book will be available to order via Paypal within a few days. Stocking stuffers for all your friends and relatives.

Posted by Physics Geek at 02:03 PM | Comments (0)

Send what you can

Blackfive has the scoop. I'm reprinting the whole thing here. Somehow, I don't think Matt will mind.

Not only is BalboaNaval Hospital receiving our injured heroes but the medical facilities at Camp Pendleton are also at near No Vacancy populations. In the latter case it's not money that is needed for our wounded Marines at Pendleton but stuff.


Here's why and what they need: At the beginning of Operation Iraqi Freedom, some of the spouses of the deployed Marines put together hundreds of recovery baskets in anticipation of wounded Marines arriving at our military hospitals. The purpose behind these baskets was to provide the wounded with personal items to be used during their hospital stay and to help fill up their days while being confined in the hospitals. However, due to the higher than anticipated numbers of wounded, they are all but out of the supplies to outfit these baskets.

They are in need of the following items: nonperishable food (snacks and candy), DVDs, all sizes of batteries, phone cards, Game Boy games, books and magazines, Domino's Pizza gift certificates (they deliver on base), towels and wash cloths, and hygiene gear (razors and shaving cream).

These items can be sent to MSgt William Bonney, Office of the Division Inspector, 1st Marine Division Rein FMF, Bldg 1413 Room 200, Box 555380, Camp Pendleton, CA 92055-5380.

Our wounded Marines need our help. It's the least we can do in return.


Posted by Physics Geek at 01:51 PM | Comments (0)

The final word

There's been a huge furor over the MNF football intro this week. To me, it's a tempest in a teapot. People complaining that "I was watching with my child!" need to say the following to themselves: "I have the remote; I can change the channel."

Now I hear that Tony Dungy, coach of the Indianapolis Colts, has weighed in with his disapproval, calling it "racially insensitive". I think he's just upset about someone showing up his players. After all, Nicolette Sheridan wrapped up TO pretty good, and that's a skill that his defense hasn't mastered yet.

Update: Best analysis yet over at the Kerry Spot.

Update: The Instamonster had this to say:

I saw the commercial for the first time in that broadcast, and I have to say that it was an absolute disgrace, and that it should not have been allowed to air. It didn't show nearly enough of Nicolette Sheridan to justify all the hoopla, and that's a tragedy because, despite her perhaps overdone plastic surgery, she's still hot.

Bah. Give me Terri Hatcher any day of the week. Any day that I don't happen to be married, of course.

Posted by Physics Geek at 01:34 PM | Comments (1)

November 17, 2004

Question?

Is it just me, or is Eliza Dushku really, really hot? I've been leaning in that general direction since she first appeared on Buffy. Here's some evidence to ponder:

Hmm. I will have to think on this matter for a while longer.

Posted by Physics Geek at 09:38 PM | Comments (5)

From the keyboard of Dogbert

I just finished the latest DNRC newsletter. One of the highlights of these newsletters is the section where Dogbert answers emails that Scott Adams is far too polite to respond to himself. Excerpt:

Dear Dogbert,

When I order wine at a nice restaurant, the server hands me the cork. What
am I supposed to do with the stupid cork?

Melissa


Dear Molester,

This is your opportunity to show off your fine breeding. Confidently grab the cork and sniff daintily with one nostril while inserting a finger into the other nostril, up to the second knuckle. If the cork's odor is agreeable, take a bite of the cork and chew it while shuddering in delight. Then grab your throat, bug out your eyes, and make a choking noise. Grab a pen and write "Heimlich Maneuver" on a napkin and wave it for help. When no one offers to help, throw yourself over the back of a chair, land on your sternum, and spit cork debris in the direction of anyone who appears to be reaching for a disposable camera to record your death. Then sit back down and say to the server, "Very good."


Sincerely,

Dogbert

Bastard must have been watching me at dinner the other night.

Posted by Physics Geek at 09:16 PM | Comments (2)

Hunting for the mild at heart

And damned lazy, too. I didn't particularly enjoy the one time that I went hunting because I was cold, tired, sore and bored. Having said that, the ability to hunt while sitting at home in front of my computer strikes me as even more ridiculous.

Posted by Physics Geek at 06:16 PM | Comments (0)

In case I haven't mentioned it before...

I'm a huge fan of the Earthsea Trilogy by Ursula K. Le Guin. I first encountered the books back when I was 13 and have re-read them about every 5-6 years. Well, the SciFi channel is set to broadcast the miniseries Earthsea which will be based on the first two books in the triology. Hopefully this will eventually lead to having The Farthest Shore being produced. Tehanu and The Other Wind I can live without, although I enjoyed the fifth book much more than the fourth.

One final note about Le Guin: I disliked The Left Hand of Darkness almost as much as I enjoyed the Earthsea Cycle. However, the three novels in this compendium restored my passion for her works. I give both the Hainish novels and the original Earthsea trilogy my highest rating. Read them, if you haven't already.

Update: I forgot to mention that the miniseries premieres on December 13 at 9 p.m. ET. Guess I need to tell my wife that I have plans for that and the subsequent evenings.

Posted by Physics Geek at 05:38 PM | Comments (0)

Darwin was wrong

When idiots like the woman in this story survives, you just know that natural selection isn't all that it's cracked up to be. Excerpt:

Last January, Frankhouser was hit by a train as she walked along railroad tracks in her hometown of Jeannette, Pa., a southeastern suburb of Pittsburgh.

Amazingly, she came away from the encounter with only a broken finger, some cuts and, according to the lawsuit, "pain."

That's not all, folks: she's suing the rail company for not warning her to walk on the tracks.

"Defendant's failure to warn plaintiff of the potential dangers negligently provided plaintiff with the belief she was safe in walking near the train tracks," Frankhouser's suit asserts.

It goes on to state that Norfolk Southern, based in Norfolk, Va., should have posted signs warning passersby "of the dangers of walking near train tracks and that the tracks were actively in use."

Anyone else want to get in line and bitch-slap some frigging sense into this dimwit? I swear to God, I don't know what's happened to the people in this country. Every time something bad happens to someone, they want to win the tort jackpot. Not to put too fine a point on it, but Fuck. Them. And fine them for filing frivolous lawsuits.

Posted by Physics Geek at 05:20 PM | Comments (1)

Fat: it's what's for dinner

Has everyone heard about Hardee's new burger?

Weighing in at 1,420 calories and containing 107 grams of fat. All you vegetarians just don't know what you're missing. The unfortunate thing is that it's a frigging Hardee's burger. Ugh.

Tip of the blog to Kevin for the link.

Posted by Physics Geek at 04:01 PM | Comments (2)

Stacked and packed

A hot conservative type woman sporting a big freaking gun.

risawn fahrenheit.jpg

It just doesn't get any better than this. Bang, zoom, into the blogroll with Risawn.

Update: I nearly forgot: Risawn reminded me of the following quote by John Stewart Mill.

""War is an ugly thing, but not the ugliest of things. The decayed and degraded state of moral and patriotic feeling which thinks that nothing is worth war is much worse."

Words to live by.

Update: Welcome Instapundit readers!

Posted by Physics Geek at 03:28 PM | Comments (4)

Cracking under the strain?

Or just plain "on crack"? Bill O'Reilley recommends Bill Clinton for Secretary of State. Really.

Posted by Physics Geek at 02:54 PM | Comments (0)

November 16, 2004

Potential movie adaptations

TMQ decries the taking of wonderful novels and then creating a cinematic disaster whose only resemblance to the book is the title. Excerpt:

At any rate, this buying up of rights to good books, then changing everything in order to make bad movies, made TMQ wonder about other similar possibilities for big-budget productions:

For Whom the Bell Tolls. Ben Affleck stars as an operative of An Agency Far, Far More Secret Than the CIA who is sent behind the lines of the Spanish Civil War in order to prevent Nazi agents from using a beautiful scientist's invention to open a doorway into a parallel universe. Gorgeous shots of the Catalonia countryside, plus numerous car chases. Angelina Jolie costars as the scientist, who can only think when her shirt is off.

Hedda Gabler. Nicole Kidman produces and stars in this all-singing musical-comedy adaptation of the Ibsen play. Story line is slightly altered to have Hedda be a beautiful Norwegian housewife who teaches kickboxing and operates an organic online catering firm. She falls in love with a dark, handsome stranger (Ben Stiller) and must reconcile her passion for him with her duty to her introverted husband Tesman (Andre3000), a scientist who has invented a doorway into a parallel universe.

Goodnight Moon. Big-budget adaptation of the children's classic uses incredible digital technology to make you believe that Cameron Diaz has turned into an old lady whispering "hush." The baby bunny in the bedroom falls through a doorway into a parallel universe and must stop a ring of ruthless spies bent on world domination -- all before lights-out! Eddie Murphy voices the mouse.

Posted by Physics Geek at 08:35 PM | Comments (0)

He gotsky a new mapsky

The Commissar has a new map of the Empire of Blogs. The Mu Nu Confederation plan of world domination proceeds apace. However, my own little corner of re-education appears to be curiously absent. The residents of my single pixel gulag will continue to suffer in obscurity.

Posted by Physics Geek at 08:08 PM | Comments (0)

Beer gadget: the counter-pressure bottle filler

What, you may ask, IS a counter-pressure bottle filler and why would I need one? If you keg your beer, or your favorite beer only comes in kegs, then you might want to have a counter-pressure bottle filler on hand. It will allow you to bottle kegged and carbonated beer, allowing for easy transport while simultaneously keeping the beer carbonated. Pretty handy if you want to take some homebrew to a party.

There have been numerous examples of homemade counter-pressure bottle fillers presented in various magazines and books. However, the best Poor Man's Counter Pressure Bottle Filler looks like this


Now get to work.

Posted by Physics Geek at 07:36 PM | Comments (2)

Looks like I missed out

A grilled cheese sandwich sporting a picture of the Virgin Mary was pulled off of ebay recently. Now I'll never get a chance at the winning bid.

Posted by Physics Geek at 07:07 PM | Comments (0)

Well, this isn't good

I work on a PC all day. Being a programmer(and an engineer before that) means that I'm pretty much the uglier Siamese twin of a computer all day. Here's the bad part: it could give me glaucoma. Excerpt:

Heavy use of computers may be linked to the development of a progressive eye disease, researchers claim.

A study in Japan has found that staring at a screen could be related to glaucoma, which can lead to blindness.

The latest study, by the Toho University School of Medicine, Tokyo, finds the risk is particularly strong for the short-sighted.

Thank God I'm far-sighted. It still sucks the big fat hairy green drippy one, though.

Posted by Physics Geek at 07:02 PM | Comments (0)

12 Days of Homebrew Christmas

Copied from this site in its entirety:

On the first day of Christmas my partner gave to me,
A pre-assembled bottling tree.

On the second day of Christmas my partner gave to me,
Two yeast packs
And a pre-assembled bottling tree.

On the third day of Christmas my partner gave to me,
Three hop pellets
Two yeast packs
And a pre-assembled bottling tree.

On the fourth day of Christmas my partner gave to me,
Four pounds of malt
Three hop pellets
Two yeast packs
And a pre-assembled bottling tree.

On the fifth day of Christmas my partner gave to me,
Five How To Brew books,
Four pounds of malt
Three hop pellets
Two yeast packs
And a pre-assembled bottling tree.

On the sixth day of Christmas my partner gave to me,
Six carboys bubbling
Five How To Brew books,
Four pounds of malt
Three hop pellets
Two yeast packs
And a pre-assembled bottling tree.

On the seventh day of Christmas my partner gave to me,
Seven mashtuns lautering
Six carboys bubbling
Five How To Brew books,
Four pounds of malt
Three hop pellets
Two yeast packs
And a pre-assembled bottling tree.

On the eigth day of Christmas my partner gave to me,
Eight friends a-capping
Seven mashtuns lautering
Six carboys bubbling
Five How To Brew books,
Four pounds of malt
Three hop pellets
Two yeast packs
And a pre-assembled bottling tree.

On the ninth day of Christmas my partner gave to me,
Nine brewsters mashing
Eight friends a-capping
Seven mashtuns lautering
Six carboys bubbling
Five How To Brew books,
Four pounds of malt
Three hop pellets
Two yeast packs
And a pre-assembled bottling tree.

On the tenth day of Christmas my partner gave to me,
Ten brewpots boiling
Nine brewsters mashing
Eight friends a-capping
Seven mash tuns lautering
Six carboys bubbling
Five How To Brew books,
Four pounds of malt
Three hop pellets
Two yeast packs
And a pre-assembled bottling tree.

On the eleventh day of Christmas my partner gave to me,
Eleven chillers chilling
Ten brewpots boiling
Nine brewsters mashing
Eight friends a-capping
Seven mash tuns lautering
Six carboys bubbling
Five How To Brew books,
Four pounds of malt
Three hop pellets
Two yeast packs
And a pre-assembled bottling tree.

On the twelth day of Christmas my partner gave to me,
Twelve maltsters malting
Eleven chillers chilling
Ten brewpots boiling
Nine brewsters mashing
Eight friends a-capping
Seven mash tuns lautering
Six carboys bubbling
Five How To Brew books,
Four pounds of malt
Three hop pellets
Two yeast packs
And a pre-assembled bottling tree.

Posted by Physics Geek at 04:27 PM | Comments (2)

Beer: it's what's for Christmas

If you want to give the gift that keeps on giving, then homebrew kits and gadgets are the way to go. Anyone can give beer by mail, but let's face it: eventually, the beer runs out. Teach a man/woman to homebrew, though, and the fun never stops. Go here for some gift suggestions.

Posted by Physics Geek at 04:24 PM | Comments (1)

Making the perfect Christmas list

Many breweries produce specialty brews near the winter solstice each year. Here is a pretty good list of holiday beers that you might want to be on the lookout for. The excerpt below is of the ones I've actually tasted at least once.

Brewed in North AmericaAbita Christmas Ale - Louisiana Anchor "Our Special Ale" - California Avery Brewing Old Jubilation Ale - Colorado Berkshire Brewing Cabin Fever Ale - Massachusetts Bert Grant's Deep Powder Ale - Washington Blue Ridge Snowball's Chance Winter Ale - Maryland Boulder Igloo Ale - Colorado Boulevard Nutcracker Ale - Missouri Breckenridge Christmas Ale - Colorado Catamount Wassail - Vermont Concord Brewing Northwoods Ale - Massachusetts Crooked River Yuletide Ale - Ohio Deschutes Jubelale - Oregon Dogwood Winter Ale - Georgia Dominion Winter Brew - Virginia Flying Fish Grand Cru Winter Reserve - New Jersey Full Sail Wassail - Oregon Goose Island Christmas Ale - Chicago Great Lakes Christmas Ale - Ohio Harpoon Winter Warmer - Massachusetts(note: had one last night) Highland Brewing Cold Mountain Winter Ale - North Carolina(great beer available in Asheville, NC) Leavenworth Snowblind Winter Warmer - Washington Magic Hat Feast of Fools - Vermont Mendocino Yuletide Porter - California New Belgium Frambozen - Colorado Otter Creek - A Winters Ale - Vermont Pete's Winter Brew - Texas Pyramid Snow Cap - Washington Redhook Winterhook - Washington Rogue-Santa's Private Reserve - Oregon Rogue-Yellow Snow - Oregon Saint Arnold Christmas Ale - Texas Saint Arnold Winter Stout - Texas Samuel Adams Old Fezziwig - Massachusetts Samuel Adams Winter Lager - Massachusetts Shiner Winter Ale - Texas Sierra Nevada Celebration - California Stoudt's Holiday Reserve - Pennsylvania Tabernash-Left Hand XXXmas Ale - Colorado Troegs Mad Elf - Pennsylvania Troegs Oatmeal Stout - Pennsylvania Weeping Radish Christmas Double Bock - North Carolina Wild Goose Snow Goose - Maryland Woodstock Ichabod Crane Holiday Beer - New York

Imported into North AmericaAas Jubel - Norway
Abbaye des Rocs Special Noel - Belgium
Corsendonk Christmas Ale - Belgium
Delerium Noel - Belgium
De Dolle Winter Nacht - Belgium
Fantome de Noel - Belgium
Fantome Winter - Belgium
Fuller's Old Winter Ale - England
Fuller's Vintage Ale - England
Harvey's Christmas Ale - England
Samichlaus - Austria(coming in around 14% alcohol, this is a good sipping by the open fire beer)
Samuel Smith's Winter Welcome - England
Scaldis Noel - Belgium
Young's Winter Warmer - England

That list is scarily long. What's worse is that it's bound to lengthen this holiday season.

Posted by Physics Geek at 04:21 PM | Comments (0)

Sneak preview

Pssst! Wanna get some behind the scenes info about Lucas's latest celluloid abortion masterpiece, Revenge of the Sith? Then go here. Not sure yet? Okay, here's an excerpt:

We enter the green screen set of Revenge of the Sith. I watch as George Lucas takes control. Stars Hayden Christiansen and Natalie Portman are both suspended twenty feet over the floor in hydraulic harnesses, their limbs clamped to their sides.

Both wear skin-tight green body suits that blend with the green background, with orange tennis balls glued to their bodies in a grid. Though the set is completely bare, I can sense the possibilities. In post-production, everything green will be replaced with the fruits of Lucas's imagination, brought to reality through digital effects. I take a seat and watch the magic happen.

"Squint!" Lucas screams into a boom mic. "We're animating your bodies to walk toward each other!" Green mechanical arms push the two actors together. Portman begins to twitch from the pressure of the clamps.

"Don't move your limbs!" Lucas directs. "You'll disrupt the motion tracking! Act with your faces! No, not your mouths! We're doing CGI mouths. Just your eyes. Your other eye! Now squint! You're in love! Squint like it!"

The director sakes a seat attached to a camera rig. "Here comes the wompherder! You're running now! Your bodies are animated to be running! You're in terror! Squint in terror! NOT WITH THAT EYE!"

The hydraulic arm jerks Hayden suddenly upward by six feet, contorting his spine visibly. Several members of the crew get queasy and run from the room.

"Ooooo! Now Anakin is riding the wompherder! Go Anakin! Squint, Natalie! Squint in admiration! No, not that much!"

I can hardly wait to see the final product.

Posted by Physics Geek at 03:42 PM | Comments (0)

Give me a break

So the Boy Scouts are discriminatory because its members must believe in God. Somehow, I don't believe that the ACLU would get its panties in a wad about an association of atheists requiring a denial of God by its members to be violating anti-discrimination laws.

Posted by Physics Geek at 01:36 PM | Comments (0)

November 15, 2004

Battle of the sexes

Received via email:
-------------------------

A woman and a man are involved in a car accident; it's a bad accident.

Both of their cars are totally demolished but amazingly neither of them are hurt.

After they crawl out of their cars, the woman says, "So you're a man. That's interesting. I'm a woman. Wow, just look at our cars! There's nothing left, but we're unhurt. This must be a sign from God that we should

meet and be friends and live together in peace for the rest of our days.

Flattered, the man replied, "Oh yes, I agree with you completely, this must be a sign from God!"

The woman continued, "and look at this, here's another miracle. My car is completely demolished but this bottle of wine didn't break. Surely God wants us to drink this wine and celebrate our good fortune."

Then she hands the bottle to the man. The man nods his head in agreement, opens it and drinks half the bottle and then hands it back to the woman.

The woman takes the bottle and immediately puts the cap back on, and hands it back to the man.

The man asks, "Aren't you having any?"

The woman replies, "No. I think I'll just wait for the police....."

Posted by Physics Geek at 09:04 PM | Comments (1)

13 reasons to smile

Now that food has replaced sex in my life,
I can't even get into my own pants.


Marriage changes passion.
Suddenly you're in bed with a relative.

I saw a woman wearing a sweat shirt with "Guess" on it.
So I said "Implants?" She hit me.

How come we choose from just two people to run for
president and 50 for Miss America?

A good friend will come and bail you out of jail...
but, a true friend will be sitting next to you saying, "Darn...that was fun!"

I signed up for an exercise class and was told to wear loose-fitting clothing.
If I HAD any loose-fitting clothing, I wouldn't have signed up in the first place!


When I was young we used to go "skinny dipping,"
now I just "chunky dunk."

Don't argue with an idiot; people watching may not be able
to tell the difference.

Wouldn't it be nice if whenever we messed up our life we could
simply press 'Ctrl Alt Delete' and start all over? AMEN, AMEN !!

Why is it that our children can't read a Bible in school, but
they can in prison?

Wouldn't you know it...
Brain cells come and brain cells go, but FAT cells live forever.

Why do I have to swear on the Bible in court when the Ten
Commandments cannot be displayed in a federal building?

Bumper sticker of the year:
"If you can read this, thank a teacher-and, since it's in English, thank a
soldier
!!"

Posted by Physics Geek at 09:02 PM | Comments (2)

Around the horn

It's been months since I posted a linkfest. I got kinda sidetracked, what with the election and all. Man, I'm glad that's over for a while. Anyway, on with whatever I've culled from the web and blogiverse:
===============================
Now that is an expensive dam.

A mach-10 jet. I think I'm getting all tingly inside.

So now a for-pay version of The Book Of Mormon is being produced. I guess "free" wasn't good enough?

Scientific wonder: a walking, talking plant. Okay, I've just insulted the azaleas in my yard.

Eight-week-old kitten Milo sits  Monday Nov.1, 2004 in the washing machine that nearly killed him earlier after he climbed in through curiosity. Milo disappeared at Ginny Troth's house in  Redditch, central England, recently and bedded down in the laundry for a cat-nap. But Mrs Troth, who had been searching for him, unwittingly switched on the machine for a spin wash. Mrs Troth said she only realized where the inquisitive tabby might be about halfway through the cycle. (AP Photo/Rui Vieira)
Hey, look in the f**king machine next time!

The most recent bug fix for Internet Explorer has been released. Code name? Firefox.

Odo's character on Boston Legal has been upgraded to permanent cast member. About time.

This news story contains a line that you almost never see:

A British skydiver has survived a 3,500ft fall after his parachute failed to open.
Charlie Williams, 25, was saved by a corrugated iron roof he smashed through at 120mph.

The producers of this German soap opera really bend over backwards to please you.

The interim coach of the Dolphins makes the same effing mistake that his predecessor made: he's starting Feeley. I believe that the word "permanent" will not be attached to this coach's resume. On the other hand, Feeley isn't very mobile. Behind Miami's makeshift O-line, that could be trouble. Big, big trouble.

>Ace links to a story that shows that maybe stupidity is to blame for France's myriad problems.

Don't piss off Susie; she might bring out the Comfy chair. I think that my results are unsurprising:

You are the Abuse Clerk. You dish out verbal abuse all day long...as long as the customer keeps paying. AAH, what satisfying work!
You are the Abuse Clerk! You dish out verbal (and
some physical!) abuse all day long...as long as
the customer keeps payin'! Aaah...such
satisfying work!


What Monty Python Sketch Character are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

The Queen of All Evil has a related quiz which yields the expected result. I, on the other hand, am a pimply, bespectacled nerd-boy playing a D&D wizard in my mom's basement. And we didn't even have a basement. The comment on my social life is accurate, though.

You are Tim the Enchanter! Sure you can blow up small objects, but no-one really respects you. But you'll have the last laugh...MUAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
You are Tim the Enchanter! Sure you can blow up
small objects, but no-one really respects you.
But you'll have the last
laugh...MUAHAHAHAHAHAHA!


Which Monty Python & the Holy Grail Character are you REALLY?
brought to you by Quizilla

Update: Susie had the same results as Rosemary. Hmmm. I'm thinking about wandering the English countryside whilst dressed as a knight. Or I would be if I weren't married.

Jen posts about the Three Stages of Karoake, which is not to be confused with the Five Levels of Drinking. Trust when I tell you that there's a good reason I don't drink heavily in establishments sporting one of those machines.

Leann links to a little animation that's sure to make your heart grow lighter. I have to admit that I have the winning icon on my desktop at home.

The Bartender is sure to catch some flak for the joke he posted here. In a related story, I got my ass kicked in middle school for telling the following "joke" to a girl:

"Here's a joke that'll flatten your chest...oops, I see you've already heard it." ::smack::

Just to prove that God has a sense of humor(and that I was a world class moron as a teenager), Meg developed quite nicely in high school. Spectacular, even. She forgave me, of course, but she never forgot. At least that's what I'm guessing because she kept "accidentally" showing me her cleavage for the next 4 years. Yeah, accidental. That's it.

Annika asks a question that cannot be answered without massive amounts of drugs.

Iowahawk has the goods on a disease spreading like wildfire throughout the Blue States. It appears that the rot is deep.

I agree completely with Harvey. Call it the non-Silicon Valley Q-factor.

Quantifying this Jeff Goldstein post is left as an assignment for the reader. Funny, I feel that way about a lot of the stuff at Protein Wisdom. Not that I'm jealous or anything.

"Question authority, but not ours. Hate the man, but we're not him."

When reality hits you in the face. Not that I'm gloating or anything, mind.

James displays a picture of a car that might prove difficult to unload. I'm just saying.

A travel guide that all Blue Staters will need to read before traveling to the areas populated by us stoopid folk.

I hear that there's a little Nip in the air today. Also, the troops in Fallujah are exploiting Chinks in the enemy's armor. More like this here and here.

I'm glad that Jim Treacher isn't angry with me. Then again, my blog creeps along under the radar of, oh, pretty much everyone.

If you're visiting Kim du Toit's site regularly, well, you're missing out. Especially when he posts things like this.

::sniff:: A peace agreement has finally been reached in the Middle East. I'm getting a little misty-eyed.

The Carnival of the Recipes #13 is up and cooking. Go and drool. Better yet, go and cook.

Okay, there's a lot more out there, but I've had it. I'd forgotten how tiring these things were. Back to my job where I can get some rest.

Posted by Physics Geek at 08:57 PM | Comments (4)

Simmons on fire

What with a newborn in the house, working two jobs and teaching a training class and all, I haven't kept up with my daily erading of blogs, which means I missed this beauty over at Cold Fury. Excerpt:

We’ll be burning the UN HQ in New York down, of course, and we’ll be locking all the delegates inside the building before we set it alight. Then we’ll be invading France, just to teach ‘em a lesson about how we Texas cowboys do bidness. The world’s oil, of course, is ours, and we’ll be boiling tons of it and pouring it over the heads of those who refuse to acknowledge our Xtian God. There’ll be no stem cell research, there’ll be no health care at all for the poor (whose numbers we will be increasing by every means we can think of), and if you dare to complain about life in the New Conservative Amerikkka, we’re going to kill you for it.

All of that: so stipulated. Now, the question for you moonbat Lefty baglappers: what the hell are you going to do about it?

I mean, seriously; if you truly believe that all this is now in the process of happening right before your very eyes, doesn’t it become incumbent upon you, as the most basic imaginable of moral obligations, to do something to prevent it, or overturn it? I mean, obviously, you tried peaceful means of stopping us, but that didn’t work—because us right-wingnuts rigged the election and disenfranchised everybody. And you can’t go to the courts because they’re in the Bushitler’s pocket too, all the way up to the Supreme Court, which you’ve been saying for four years now illegally handed him the White House after the tainted 2000 “election.” So your last legal, nonviolent means of resistance has been taken away from you, and you can’t even count on the media to publicize the reality of what’s going on because of their right-wing slant, their fondness for the status quo, and of course the fact that they’re really nothing but money-grubbing corporations themselves whose only concern is the bottom line.

So what’s left, Lefties? Where do you go from here? What are you gonna do about it?

I’ll tell you what you’re going to do about it: you’re not going to do one damned thing but continue with your whining, that’s what, and it’s not because deep down you’re all cowards either. It’s because deep down, you know you’re full of shit. You don’t even believe half the stuff you’re currently crying about yourselves.

Posted by Physics Geek at 03:41 PM | Comments (0)

Eminent scientist Patti Davis weighs in

So Katie Couric interviewed Reagan's liberal, hippy daughter and finds that she opposes President Bush's "ban" on embryonic stem cell research. Excerpt:

In an emotional TV interview airing tonight, Ronald Reagan's daughter says President Bush's re-election is "tragic" because it could curtail badly needed embryonic stem-cell research.

Four years of delay in embryonic stem-cell research could be potentially devastating to millions of suffering Americans, former First Daughter Patti Davis tells Katie Couric on NBC's "Dateline."

I'm still amazed that Bush's reversal of the Clinton ban on stem cell research, albeit in a limited fashion, is still referred to as a "ban on research". Apparently, allowing something to happen is now referred to as a ban when a Republican is in office. And by the way, private money has never been banned from this type of research, only federal monies. Amazingly, the vast majority of investors are sinking their hard-earned capital into adult stem cell research. I guess they're just stupid. Right? Anyway, here's more:

In the interview to plug her memoir "The Long Goodbye," Davis said she had chronicled her father's years-long struggle with Alzheimer's and agreed with former First Lady Nancy Reagan that embryonic stem-cell research could have saved him.

I will never say anything bad about Nancy because she's suffered a loss that I can't bring myself to imagine. Her daughter, though, pisses me off because even the most ardent proponents of embryonic stem cell research agree that Alzheimer's isn't likely to be treatable with stem cells. In fairness to Patti, the research is ongoing.

One final intemperate question: do you think that anyone would give a crap about what Patti Davis thinks if her father wasn't Ronald Reagan? Just curious.

Posted by Physics Geek at 02:06 PM | Comments (0)

Lost city of Atlantis discovered?

I dunno, but archaeologist Robert Samast thinks so. Great find, if true. Nex thing you know, they might actually dredge up evidence that Howard Dean ever ran for president.

Posted by Physics Geek at 01:49 PM | Comments (0)

November 10, 2004

Test your knowledge of US geography

Cool little animated test found here. Drag and drop the states where they go in the map. My score? 90%, average error of 15 miles and 291 seconds. However, if you start with a lot of central states first, the odds are good that you'll have some distance errors because you can't dead reckon ALL of them.

Posted by Physics Geek at 07:19 PM | Comments (4)

The rush is on!

And it's time for the annual year-end dash by imbeciles to get their names onto the list of this year's Darwin Award nominees. Here's the latest entry. Unbelievable.

Posted by Physics Geek at 05:37 PM | Comments (0)

Color me surprised

So fat people are more likely to suffer from heart disease later in life. Again I say to you: no shit.

Posted by Physics Geek at 05:29 PM | Comments (0)

Truth from a surprising source

And that source would be none other than Ted Rall. Excerpt:

Firstly, living in the sticks doesn't make you more American. Rural, urban or suburban--they're irrelevant. San Francisco's predominantly gay Castro district is every bit as red, white and blue as the Texas panhandle. But if militant Christianist Republicans from inland backwaters believe that secular liberal Democrats from the big coastal cities look upon them with disdain, there's a reason. We do, and all the more so after this election.

No shit. Of course, this nugget of truth is buried in the rest of Rall's crap. I'm certain that he didn't mean for this to be the money quote. Oh, what the heck, here's the final paragraph:

So our guy lost the election. Why shouldn't those of us on the coasts feel superior? We eat better, travel more, dress better, watch cooler movies, earn better salaries, meet more interesting people, listen to better music and know more about what's going on in the world. If you voted for Bush, we accept that we have to share the country with you. We're adjusting to the possibility that there may be more of you than there are of us. But don't demand our respect. You lost it on November 2.

I have nothing to add to this dreck.

Posted by Physics Geek at 05:26 PM | Comments (1)

When the stereotype doesn't fit

Since I number among the -apparently- ignorant, Confederate flag salutin', NASCAR lovin', gay bashin' contingent that obeyed the voices in my head by voting for Bush, I have to say this to my lovable lefty loons: I understand your ideas just fine, I just think you're dead wrong on most issues. However, I believe that reasonable people can disagree on issues and that a spirited dialogue can help both sides by pointing out the holes in each other's arguments. What I'm hearing from a lot of you, though, is that you don't give a shit what I think and would rather spend your time castigating any and all who have the temerity to disagree with you. For the record, you're not going to win many converts this way. My opinion, of course, but I think that I'm on to something. Stay with me here.

Back in 2002, many people pointed to lying propagandist such as Michael Moore and described him as being indicative of a disease that had crept into the Democratic party. Many of you were outraged by this comparison because- you said- Moore was a fringe element in your party. Extrapolating his views and ideas to the Democrat party as a whole was patently unfair. And guess what? You were absolutely correct. Then a funny thing happened: you decided to make Michael Moore the poster child of your party. You even gave him a seat of honor during your national convention, seating him next to former president Jimmy Carter. The Photoshopped newspaper headlines, distortions of the truth and outright falsehoods that Moore displayed in F 9/11 became campaign slogans for the Democrats. I'm going to go out on a limb and state that this might not have been such a good idea. Let's see why this might be true.

Tom Daschle, the soon to be former Senate minority leader attended a screening and was photographed with Michael Moore. Since Tom represents a very red state, this probably wasn't too smart. Every 6 years, Daschle pretended to be a right-winger to get re-elected. It worked, too, until this year, when the voters in his state realized that maybe, just maybe, a guy who doesn't distance himself from a shithead like Michael Moore probably isn't the best choice to represent their interests in the US Senate.

The Republicans increased their majorities in both the House and Senate. 'Nuff said.

Let's recap: the Democrats moved their party's center below the Mendoza line of reason and put this on public display. They displayed no interest in reasoned discourse, opting instead for ad hominem attacks on anyone and everyone that didn't believe that Bush was just like Hitler. That is, if Hitler were much stupider. And now that-surprise!- your candidate lost, you've decided to simultaneously increase the ferocity and decrease the sanity of your arguments. And I hear that you're thinking of making Howard Dean the new chair of the DNC. Maybe you haven't heard of the first rule of holes; I suggest that you aquaint yourself with it, pronto. Not that I expect you to listen to me any more that you have in the past. But I can still hope.

Update: Dean provides a far more eloquent dissertation on this subject. It is your required reading for today.

Posted by Physics Geek at 03:41 PM | Comments (0)

November 09, 2004

Wussification of the MOAB

Along comes a real bomb that puts the MOAB in its place: the MOP. Excerpt:

The Air Force built a weapon so big it was nicknamed "Mother of All Bombs" on the eve of the war with Iraq, but MOAB would be dwarfed by a much larger munition now under study.

The proposed Massive Ordnance Penetrator, or MOP, would weigh 30,000 pounds, nearly 40 percent more than the 21,000 pound MOAB -- officially Massive Ordnance Air Blast -- that never saw combat.

"The reason it's heavier than MOAB is that it has to penetrate a target," said Fred Davis, technical director for assessment and demonstrations at the Air Force Research Laboratory's Munitions Directorate.

MOP would be designed to explode deep in the ground or inside a structure to destroy tunnels and bunkers or topple tall buildings.

Posted by Physics Geek at 07:47 PM | Comments (2)

Post-election analysis of pollsters

Bookmark this page, print it and keep a copy nearby as a useful reference for the next election cycle. National and battleground polls are graded on how closely their final polls aligned with reality. What follows is the excerpt with regards to proven polling hack John Zogby:

As we all know, Zogby had been on record for months saying that Kerry was going to win this race. Despite his final tracking poll that put Bush ahead by one point nationally, Zogby's polling at the state level reflected his belief that Kerry was going to be the beneficiary of huge turnout - especially among the youth vote. The result is that Zogby missed three of the eleven states he polled in (FL, IA, and NM), had a relatively high error rate across the board (3.8%), and his numbers generally skewed in favor of John Kerry.

Adding insult to injury, Zogby's bizarre election day antics calling for "surprises" in Colorado and Virginia and a decisive 311 electoral vote victory for Kerry suggest he was relying on (not to mention taken in by) the badly skewed early exit poll data.

Let's be honest: Zogby's conduct this year bordered on outrageous. No other independent pollster was out making public predictions of a John Kerry or George W. Bush victory months before hand. And no other pollster decided to wait until 5:30pm Eastern time on election day to post their final numbers.

Posted by Physics Geek at 05:54 PM | Comments (0)

I don't get it?!

Found this over at Best of the Web:


The Bush political team intuitively understood the tone of the U.S. voters
much better than the media did. To be honest, I still don't quite understand
how certified media junkies like me could have been so wrong
.


I read the New York Times and the New Yorker religiously. I watch CNN
and the networks' evening news programs
as well as the gabfests on Sunday
mornings, too.


Go figure.

Posted by Physics Geek at 03:00 PM | Comments (0)

Tricky guys finish last

It's the day before Thanksgiving and the butcher is just locking up when a man pounds on the door.

"Please let me in," says the man, "I forgot to buy a turkey and my wife will kill me if I don't come home with one."

"Okay," says the butcher. "Let me see what I have left." He goes into the freezer and discovers that there's only one scrawny turkey left. He brings it out to show the man.

"That's one is too skinny. What else you got?" says the man.

The butcher takes the bird back into the freezer and waits a few minutes and brings the same turkey back out to the man.

"Oh, no," says the man, "That one doesn't look any better. You better give me both of them!"

Posted by Physics Geek at 02:49 PM | Comments (0)

I had planned on being magnanimous, but...

Okay, I've avoided gloating about the election results. John Kerry gave a gracious concession speech, which kind of prevents me from piling on. I could, but it would make me feel icky. I had planned on kicking Edwards for that screechy speech he gave, but then I heard about his wife's cancer. The Edwards clan gets the hands off treatment from me. The election pales in importance to a struggle between life and death. If I haven't mentioned it before, I lost several relatives to breast cancer. Watching a loved one get slowly devoured from within was a truly horrific experience. I don't wish it on anyone, and that includes walking piles of anal leakage such as Mikey Moore.

Where was I? Oh yeah, avoiding the gloat. As I suggested-not because of it, of course- some Democrats have engaged in the type on introspection necessary to determine what flaws exist within their party and how to go about correcting them. However, some more, umm, misguided leftists have engaged in the lots of keyboard farting about how stupid, misguided, bigoted, etcetera Red America is. Well, here's a t-shirt that those assholes will really love. Give them as gifts to Dean supporters. Wear them around Hillary voters. Send one to Dan Rather as a gift. Hey, go crazy with the idea.

Posted by Physics Geek at 02:11 PM | Comments (0)

November 08, 2004

More yummy goodness

The Glittering Eye hosts the Carnival of the Recipes #12. Go there and drool.

Posted by Physics Geek at 02:52 PM | Comments (0)

Stop Specter now!

Here's an online petition to try and help block Specter's confirmation to the head of the Judiciary Committee. Go vote. Now.

Posted by Physics Geek at 01:26 PM | Comments (0)

November 05, 2004

I know, this guy isn't a real Democrat

So an honest Democrat calls for the type of party introspection that I've been calling for. If the Democrats actually start asking themselves these questions, the party will be well on its way to becoming what it once was. My bet? This guy will have to move. He'll be labeled a right-wing mouthpiece and his house and car will get egged. And we won't be allowed to play in anymore Democrat reindeer games.

Posted by Physics Geek at 07:52 PM | Comments (0)

Reality check

I've said repeatedly that I hope the Democrats would get creamed in this year's election so that they'd-finally- grow up and realize that the party need to change. Well, they're a-changin' all right, but I don't think they've quite got the idea. Steven H. has more. Excerpt:

It would be funny if the Democrats were responding to their third ass-kicking in four years by offering more of the same. But moving even farther to the left...that's downright hysterical. If they keep it up, during the next round of elections, we're going to see street nuts in San Francisco telling reporters, "We have to get rid of these liberal head cases before they ruin the country."

Of course there's more. Lots more.

Posted by Physics Geek at 07:25 PM | Comments (0)

Geeky fun

Sort of. I've enjoyed reading Claire Wolfe's Hardyville columns since they were on WND back in the day. Every now and then, though, she writes a column that makes me go huh?! This one is an example of that type of column. Wanna stash some stuff and then find it later via GPS? Then it's right up your alley. And no, I'm not kidding.

Posted by Physics Geek at 07:10 PM | Comments (0)

My sides hurt

Can't. Stop. Laughing. Ace, you're killing me. Excerpt:

DAN RATHER: I did my best. I'm a Texas newsman, Mr. Trump, and I go to where the story is, no matter who might be angry about. Not the White House, not political partisans on the Internet--

TRUMP: Dan, I've gotta be honest. Those were some really bad forgeries. They were ridiculous.

RATHER: We put them through the most intense fact-checking possible--

TRUMP: Dan, one of them was scribbled on the front of a Taco Bell tray-liner. It said that George Bush was to be suspended for flying for failing to complete a required gordita. And it gave the name of his Air National Guard unit as "Extra Spicy." I've seen better work, Dan.

Posted by Physics Geek at 06:29 PM | Comments (0)

Frank J.'s worst nightmare

Super gorillas that eat lions for breakfast. Ugh. No one told me that Michael Moore clones were on the loose.

Posted by Physics Geek at 06:14 PM | Comments (0)

I needed a laugh today

DId anyone else see Jane FrownySmiley's article at Slate? Here's the title:

Why Americans Hate Democrats—A Dialogue
The unteachable ignorance of the red states.

Posted by Physics Geek at 04:56 PM | Comments (1)

Quote of the day

Found at the Kerry Spot. Excerpt:

Bill Maher had it right when he called Kerry a Frankenstein's monster of the worst Democratic candidates in recent memory: the I-know-better-than-you arrogance of Al Gore; the toxic inability to relate to human beings of Michael Dukakis; the dippy never-lost-faith-in-liberalism outlook of Walter Mondale. And, one might add, the decisiveness of Bill Clinton.

Posted by Physics Geek at 04:47 PM | Comments (0)

I still think she's a wonderful choice

Captain Ed examines Nancy Pelosi's nuanced response to President Bush. Excerpt:

Pelosi's leadership has been the ruin of her party. She has helped perpetuate the poisonous atmosphere in DC, and her ungracious comments today as well as her knee-jerk reaction to blame everyone but herself for her failure will not appeal to a campaign-weary American electorate. The Democrats need to quit demanding bipartisanship and start exhibiting it, and they need real leaders willing to work across the aisle rather than spit across it. If the Democrats want to compete in 2006, they need to jettison the Pelosis, McAuliffes, and Carvilles of their party now.

When the Democrats nominated Pelosi, I was giddy. After all, the worst attributes of the Democrats would be on permanent display to the country. People needed to become aware of just how demented the party leadership had become. Now? I think it's time for the Dem's to grow up. I saw what happened to the Democrats when they were in charge of the House for 40 years. I suspect that the same will eventually happen to the Republicans if they remain in power indefinitely. The best preventative medicine to such an occurrence is for the Democrats to finally come to grips with the problems within their party. And fix them, too. However, I'll settle for the Donkeys just acknowledging that they have issues to address. Kind of the first step in their 12-step program of party rehabilitation.

Posted by Physics Geek at 04:28 PM | Comments (0)

News roundup

NZ Bear has outdone himself with his latest creation: The Blogosphere Daily News. It looks like Arts and Letters Daily for blogs. Odds of one of my posts ever hitting that page? Magic 8-Ball answer: When pigs fly.

Posted by Physics Geek at 01:56 PM | Comments (0)

November 04, 2004

Doing my part

Apparently the entire blogosphere is determined to push Lileks latest book to #1 on Amazon. I'll do my part. Let's see: add the number of daily visitors to this site to the total # of visitors to all other blogs, subtract the number that actually visit other sites first, carry the one... okay, it won't have any freaking impact, What the heck, I'll hype the book, too. It's bound to make me laugh my hiney off. Maybe I can convince my wife to buy it for me this Christmas...

lilekshome.jpg

Posted by Physics Geek at 09:16 PM | Comments (0)

Spot on, as usual

If Lileks didn't exist, we'd have to invent him. Excerpt:

You want comity? You want progress? Enough with the catastrophe rhetoric, then. Enough with the nonsense. Enough with the gasbag fantasies. Reading the Klemperer diaries make me realize again what real true perfidy looks like, and how those who view a Bush victory as “four more years of evil” are parading their petulant variety of moral idiocy for the approval of the claque. They’re the modern Rumpelstiltskins, ripping themselves in half in anger to protest the price of pants.

It’s a great & rare idea: one nation, under God, with liberty and justice for all. I think we can hammer out the particulars in a spirit of good will, eh? Or not. Our choice.

“Who is the father of George W. Bush?” Gnat asked on the way to school today. Oh boy.

“You’re not going to believe this, but his name is George Bush, too.”

“Oh, daddee.”

“True.” Pause. Should I? Might as well. “And he was the president once, too.”

“George Bush’s daddy was president too? You’re joking me. That’s silly.”

And so it begins. But if all goes as it usually does, in 14 years she’ll vote for someone I don’t like; he’ll win, and she’ll and remind me: you taught me to respect the President.

If I can give her that much, I’ve done my job.

Posted by Physics Geek at 09:09 PM | Comments (0)

Natural selection at work

Well, almost. Excerpt:

A Canadian man, angry that he was refused a plane ticket to Australia at Los Angeles International Airport, stripped naked, sprinted across the tarmac and climbed into the wheel well of a moving jumbo jet, officials said.

Posted by Physics Geek at 08:57 PM | Comments (0)

Election-style top ten lists

Received via email this morning. I have no idea where they came from.

---------------------------------------------------------------
Top Ten John Kerry Excuses

10. Voters were in a fever-induced haze because they couldn't get flu shots.

9. Floridians confused by shockingly unconfusing ballots.

8. Maybe it wasn't best idea to begin speeches with "yo mama is so fat" jokes.

7. The endorsement from Osama Bin Laden didn't exactly help him.

6. "Dude--it's the Curse of the Bambino."

5. Should've campaigned more in New Mexico, less in regular Mexico.

4. Turns out voters think it's hot that Cheney has a lesbian daughter.

3. Thought America was ready for a lunatic first lady.

2. Voters seem to really like a weak economy and a badly-run war.

1. Was distracted by late night erotic phone calls from Bill O'Reilly.
==================
Top Ten Punchlines To Dirty Election Jokes

10. "With a poll like that, I'm suprised he can gallup at all."

9. "She starts chanting, 'four more minutes! four more minutes!'"

8. "That's not the voting lever, but don't stop pulling."

7. "This isn't how it looks--I'm just joining a third party."

6. I prefer Bush, but I don't know who I'll vote for."

5. "So that's where Katherine Harris was hiding the Al Gore votes."

4. "Unfortunately, his margin of error was plus or minus three inches."

3. "Get used to it, honey--we live in a swing state."

2. "I thought you had trouble maintaining an election."

1. "I saw your sister with Mary Cheney--there was no sign of Dick."

Update: Just heard that list #1 is from Letterman.

Posted by Physics Geek at 06:23 PM | Comments (4)

Bringing tears to my eyes

Gennie breaks out the whooping stick so you don't have to. I have to admit, I was doing my best not to gloat, especially after Kerry's concession speech. However, as Dizzy Girls reminds us, there are PLENTY of other targets that should receive our scorn. Since I can't possibl improve upon her rant, let me give you a taste to whet your appetite:

So many right-wing bloggers are going the nice route and have decided not to gloat. Well, fuck that! I'm gloating damnit and I don't care. If Kerry had won, every left-wing blog would be rubbing our faces in it like a puppy who shit on the carpet. So take the high road my fellow right-wing bloggers. As for me, I'm going to gloat my ass off!

Michael Moore: Fuck you...fuck you...FA-UCK YA-OO!!! Fuck you you piece of human filth. 58 million Americans think you and your movie are full of shit. Please do us all a favor and move out of the country.

Hollyweird: America sent you a message last night, wanna know what it said? It said that we don't give a shit about you and your opinions. Your endorsements mean crap to us. Stop pretending like you're better than us and smarter than us. You fucked up big time. You've exposed yourselves for what you really are: anti-American tin-foilers. I've got a running list of you bitches and I promise you that I will NEVER give you another red cent. Please do us all a favor and make good on your promise to leave the country. We've been waiting for four years already. If you need help packing or anything, let us know, we'll be MORE than happy to help you get the hell out of this country that you hate so much.

I'm trying to stifle giggles here at work since I'm surrounded by leftists from the lunatic frince, but it's hard. Really, really hard.

Update: A den Beste sighting has become more rare than a conservative Democrat in Berkeley, but here you go. And yeah, I know he's got Chizumatic going strong.

Posted by Physics Geek at 04:13 PM | Comments (0)

And you guys backed this guy's re-election?

I still don't understand why Bush and Co. backed Arlen Specter in his bid for re-election. Anyone with an ounce of sense would have known that

1) Specter is pretty much a RINO and
2) since he doesn't have to worry about the voters again, this being his last term and all, he's free to be as big a liberal dickhead as he wants.

Case in point. Excerpt:

U.S. Sen. Arlen Specter, who is expected to chair the Senate Judiciary Committee next year, bluntly warned President Bush yesterday against putting forth Supreme Court nominees who would seek to overturn abortion rights or who might otherwise be considered too conservative to win confirmation.

Memo to Senator Specter: go fuck yourself.

Hey, does anyone know if the Senate rules can be changed to remove this asshole from the Judiciary Committee? Just curious.

Update: Turns out that I'm not the only one that feels this way. Excerpt:

One more thing. In Pennsylvania, where Bush made a crucial error in intervening the wrong way in a tight GOP primary race between conservative Pat Toomey and Sen. Arlen Specter, he got nowhere on Tuesday. We're left with Specter as the presumptive next chairman of the Judiciary Committee, where Bush's judicial nominees will run the gantlet.

Specter has already given notice that he will approve only "centrist" (read: pro-abortion, pro-'gay') judges. Given Tuesday's mandate for the "extremist" moral order that Specter disdains, it's not too early to begin a campaign to dump him and ensure that a real conservative like Jon Kyle takes this crucial post.

You heard it here: Dump Specter, now.

Update #2: The folks at the Corner are on it as well. I should have guessed. Excerpt:

A few readers have already told me they have e-mailed Bill Frist and/or their senators. The more I think about it, this election is not over—there is unfinished business. As you know, Arlen Specter warned the president yesterday, in the press, that he will have a litmus test for judges if Specter is judiciary chair, a foregone conclusion as far as most are concerned. Fact is, folks, HE IS NOT JUDICIARY CHAIR, but there will be elections in the Senate in the coming days which could very well make him judiciary chairman. Conservatives, as we have seen, won this election. Many of you personally played no small role in that. Why should Republicans stifle their conservative base by putting Arlen Specter in as judiciary chair? There is no reason. If there was some deal cut that he would be judiciary chair, it seems to me he broke it yesterday. Some might want to give him the benefit of the doubt. (Not me.) Maybe Specter just wanted to keep the liberals who supported his reelection bid off his case, so he issued his warning to the president on the day of his victory (and a very conservative victory across the nation, at that). Fact is, we only know what he says. And I, for one, will take him on his word. So, simply put, Arlen Specter cannot be judiciary chair. If you agree—if you agree that good men and women cannot be kept off the Supreme Court because they are against abortion (disqualifying, for starters, any faithful Catholic, many evangelicals, Muslims, automatically…)—call and e-mail Bill Frist (and your Republican senators, if applicable) today. I’m pretty certain an overwhelming outcry from conservatives in the next few days is the only way Arlen Specter can be kept from becoming a huge obstacle. So get to work. Frist’s number is 202-224-3344.

Call often. Let's get this party started.

Posted by Physics Geek at 03:40 PM | Comments (0)

Putting your money where your vote is

For those of you interested in such things, both the Iowa futures market and Tradesports betting wagered-correctly- that Bush would be elected. These results were far more accurate than the pollsters turned out to be. Just an FYI.

Posted by Physics Geek at 03:36 PM | Comments (0)

Needing new crystal balls

Best of the Web lists a roundup of predictions that, alas, did not come to pass.::snicker:: Excerpt:


"A clear theme in this administration's policy is that the United States neither needs nor particularly wants the good opinion of the states it dominates. It is indifferent to the legitimacy provided by the respect of other peoples. It is content to rest its claim to international leadership on the exercise of its power. That certainly is not what the electorate voted for two years ago. It is why Bush will almost certainly be a one-term president."--William Pfaff of the New York Times' Paris edition, Oct. 26, 2002

"He has canceled elections in Iraq. He will probably cancel them in Afghanistan. Will George W. Bush put the kibosh on elections in the United States next year? . . . It's easy to come up with a scenario in which canceling the 2004 election could be made to appear reasonable. Imagine that, a few weeks before Election Day, "dirty bombs" detonate simultaneously in New York and Washington. Government, media and political institutions and personnel lie ruined in smoking rubble and ash; hundreds of thousands of people have been murdered. The economy, already teetering on the precipice, is shoved into depression. How could we conduct elections under such conditions?"--anti-American columnist Ted Rall, July 17, 2003

"Elections that feature a sitting president tend to be referendums on the incumbent--and in recent elections, the incumbent has either won or lost by large electoral margins. If you look at key indicators beyond the neck-and-neck support for the two candidates in the polls--such as high turnout in the early Democratic primaries and the likelihood of a high turnout in November--it seems improbable that Bush will win big. More likely, it's going to be Kerry in a rout."--Chuck Todd of The Hotline, in The Washington Monthly, May 2004

"I take it as a given that virtually no Gore voters from 2000 will pull the lever for Bush. But how many lightly-committed Bush voters from 2000 will hold him to account if they believe he gambled big and gambled unwisely with America's honor and safety, and came up short? I think more than a few. And since there were more Gore voters than Bush voters last time anyway, well . . ."--blogger Josh Marshall, June 29, 2004

"One day last May, I assigned the election to John Kerry. I said it early, and often. As I looked more, I saw that it shouldn't even be close. I said that in this space more than once. Now I am so sure that I am not even going to bother to watch the results tonight. I am going to bed early, for I must rise in the darkness and pursue immediately an exciting, overdue project. Besides, if I was up, so many people, upon seeing every word I said of this election coming true on television in front of them, would be kissing my hands and embarrassing me with outlandish praise."--Newsday columnist Jimmy Breslin, Nov. 2, 2004

"Regular readers won't be in any doubt about who I want to win, though New York Times rules prevent me from giving any explicit endorsement. (Hint: it's the side that benefits from large turnout.)"--former Enron adviser Paul Krugman, implicitly endorsing George W. Bush, Nov. 2, 2004

"This is the best election night in history."--Democratic National Committee chairman Terry McAuliffe, Nov. 2, 2004, just beore 8 p.m. EST
*Note: So long, sucker!

"I know it's hard to believe there was once a time when even a politician would put the country first. But when Eisenhower urged Nixon to challenge the suspect election results in '60, he refused to put the nation through it. Nixon showed a lot of class. [pause] Did I just say that?" "What a difference a half century makes."--Garry Trudeau, Doonesbury, Nov. 3, 2004


Posted by Physics Geek at 03:16 PM | Comments (0)

Wardrobe malfunction?

I am not linking to Ana Marie Cox. However. I am stealing her bandwidth.

Hot conservative chicks. It just doesn't get any better than that.

Posted by Physics Geek at 01:30 AM | Comments (2)

Moonbat, heal thyself

Iowahawk is far more gracious than I am. He reaches out to his freakishly demented drooling leftist loons brothers across the political aisle and offers them some sage advice. Excerpt:

Also remember that every cloud has a silver lining. For example, did you know that George Soros wants to share his fortune with you for forwarding this message to all of your progressive friends? This is NOT a junk letter, and you will regret if you ignore! As part of a progressive community email 'beta test.' When you forward this message to friends, George Soros and MoveOn will track it for a two week time period. For every person that you forward this e-mail to, George Soros and MoveOn.org will pay you $50, and for every person that fowards from there, they will pay you $49, and so on! In two weeks, remember to contact MoveOn.org and ask for your money.

He's a bigger man than I am. ::sniff::

Posted by Physics Geek at 01:25 AM | Comments (0)

November 03, 2004

PGH assignment

Lack of sleep will reduce my ability to be funny. Sadly, no one will notice. Anyway, here is this week's assignment: What would you do with 380 tons of explosives?

1) Offer it as a diet pill to Michael Moore. To him, it would be wafer thin. But I digress.

2) Use it to perform exploratory surgery on Arafat. Sure, 380 tons is a bit of overkill but-. Overkill: there's a word just not used enough in conjunction with Arafat's name.

3) Use it to build a protective moat on the other side of Israel's anti-terrorist wall. You can't be too safe.

4) Smear it on a slice of rye bread and eat it. Explosives taste just like chicken.

5) Use the 380 tons to fuel the spaceship containing all of the celebrities that said they'd leave the country if Bush won. Buh-bye. Don't let the door bruise your ass on the way out.

6) Destroy every frigging copy of The Phantom Menace, that celluloid abortion that Lucas foisted on us after 20 years of waiting.

7) Throw the anniversary edition of ET onto the pile. FBI swat team members carrying cell phones for defense. Riigghhhttt.

8) And don't forget to add the updated version of Star Wars. Greedo did NOT shoot first, damnit.

Posted by Physics Geek at 09:29 PM | Comments (0)

Well said

I disagree with Scott Ganz on many political issues, but damn, the guy makes a lot of great points. Excerpt:

To the Loony Left: Reexamine how out of step you are with even your own party, and start playing the game. Also, take a bath.

To the Liberals and the Democrats: Figure out what's really important. Pick your fights. Stop pursuing causes that make you feel liberal, like taking away hunting rifles and making sure white men can never get a job, and start fighting for true liberalism. Fight for true personal freedom, corporate responsibility, working families, and social justice.

To the Middle: This guy you just elected? Watch his ass. Not in a Michael Moore movie, mind you. But you should keep checking under the hood. You're not going to be as happy as you think you are.

To the Right: Remember the 94 backlash? Step too far outside the bounds of decency, and you'll pay just like we did a decade ago. We still vote in this country.

To the Maniac Far Right/Christian Coalition: You guys-- Ah fuck it. There's no reasoning with you lot.

To Foreigners: You meddled like never before, and it blew up in your face. You hate us, and occasionally I see why. However, you forgot that Americans are irrationally attached to the notion of being liked, and now that you've definitively expressed that we are not, it's time to sit back and enjoy the pissy backlash. Next time you want a new President, discuss it quietly at your next Global Conference on Ending Racism, AIDS, and Jewishness.

It should be an interesting 4 years.

Posted by Physics Geek at 07:36 PM | Comments (0)

What he said

Adam Yoshida posts what I was thinking but had absolutely no ability to put into such clear and concise words. Excerpt:

This is a decisive moment in American history. There’s no denying this fact. The nation stood at the crossroads yesterday and the people choose to go the right way. They rejected the Democrat Party and the pernicious things that those people stand for.

Michael Moore and his ilk have been rejected by the people. Treason didn’t carry the day. Forgeries and lies failed to produce the results that they wanted.

It was closer than we’d like, of course. Far too close. I still can’t believe that anyone voted for John Kerry. John Kerry was a personification of everything that’s wrong with the Democrat Party today. A traitor in his youth, he proposed policies of economic division at home and which would have brought military defeat abroad. The once-proud Democratic Party of people like Franklin Roosevelt, Harry Truman, John F. Kennedy and Lyndon Johnson has been reduced to such a level as to become little better than the party of AIDS, abortion, adultery and appeasement.

There's more, of course. Thanks to Kim du Toit for showing the way.

Posted by Physics Geek at 07:24 PM | Comments (0)

Frank J. reaches out to the liberals

Let the gloating commence.

Posted by Physics Geek at 07:12 PM | Comments (0)

From an alternate reality...

What if Kerry had won? Behold:

Please note that Texas is the only state with a legal right to secede from the Union. Please refer to the Texas-American Annexation Treaty of 1848.

We Texans love y'all, but we'll have to take action if Kerry wins president over Bush. We'll miss you, too.

Texas has given all those complainers plenty of time to get used to theresults. After seeing the whiners along the campaign route, the folks from Texas are considering taking matters into our own hands.

Here is our solution:

1. Let John Kerry become President of the United States, all 49 states.

2. George W. Bush becomes the President of the Republic Of Texas.

So what does Texas have to do to survive as a Republic?

1. NASA is just south of Houston, Texas. We will control the space
industry.

2. Gasoline - We refine over 85% of the gasoline in the United States.

3. Defense Industry - We have over 65% of it. The motto "Don't Mess with Texas" will take on a whole new meaning.

4. Oil - We can supply all the oil that the Republic of Texas will need for the next 300 years. Yankee states? Sorry about that.

5. Natural Gas - Again we have all we need, and it's too bad about those northern states. John Kerry will figure a way to keep them warm.

6. Computer Industry - We currently lead the nation in producing computer chips and communications: Small places like Texas Instruments, Dell Computer, EDS, Raytheon, National Semiconductor, Motorola, Intel, AMD, Atmel, Applied Materials,
Ball Semiconductor, Dallas Semiconductor, Delphi,
Nortel, Alcatel, etc. The list goes on and on.

7. Health Centers - We have the largest research centers for cancer research, the best burn centers, and the top trauma units in the world, and other large health planning centers.

8. Education - We have enough colleges to keep us going: UT, Texas A&M, Texas Tech, Rice, SMU, U. of Houston, Baylor, UNT, Texas Women's University, St. Mary's University, San Antonio College. Ivy grows better in the South anyway

9. Laborers - We have a ready supply of workers. We just open the border when we need some more.

10. We have control of the paper industry, plastics, insurance, etc.

11. In case of a foreign invasion, we have the Texas National Guard and the Texas Air National Guard. We don't have an army, but since everybody down here has at least 6 rifles and a pile of ammo, we can raise an army in 24 hours if we need it. If the situation really gets bad, we can always call Department of Public Safety and ask them to send over a couple Texas Rangers.

12. Food - We are totally self sufficient in beef, poultry, hogs, several types of grain, fruit, vegetables, and let's not forget seafood from the Gulf. And everybody down here knows how to cook them so that they taste good. Don't need any food.

This names just a few of the items that will keep the Republic Of Texas in good shape. There isn't a thing out there that we need and don't have.

Now to the rest of the United States under President Kerry:
Since you won't have the refineries to get gas for your cars, only President Kerry will be able to drive around in his 9-mile-per- gallon SUV. The rest of the United States will have to walk or ride bikes. You won't have any TV since the space center in Houston will cut off your connection to space communications.

You won't have any natural gas to heat your homes, but since Mr.. Kerry has predicted global warming, you will not need the gas.

Have a nice day!

Signed,
The People in Texas

Posted by Physics Geek at 06:39 PM | Comments (0)

A happy anniversary

Stop by and congratulate Heather on celebrating 13 wonderful years.

Posted by Physics Geek at 04:06 PM | Comments (0)

When you know it's over

Leann posts about a couple with irreconcilable differences. Mheh.

Posted by Physics Geek at 04:02 PM | Comments (0)

Buh-bye

Hit the road Jackass.
Don't you come back no more no more.
Hit the road Jackass.
Don't you come back no more.
What you say?!

Update: Great minds think alike. Or this case, Will Collier and I are on the same page. No offense intended, Will.

Posted by Physics Geek at 03:33 PM | Comments (0)

Sanity returns?

Sullivan makes statements about President Bush that actually make sense. Maybe reality has forced his brain to reboot. Finally.

Posted by Physics Geek at 03:04 PM | Comments (0)

Election night recap

From a polling place near you...

swing state.bmp

Posted by Physics Geek at 02:13 PM | Comments (2)

Time for a career change

Media darling John Zogby is going to need a lot of soap to wash the egg off of his face. Oh and John? Remember how you stated this afternoon that Virginia was tied and "look for a surprise"? Let me be the first Virginian to tell you to kiss my ass.

Posted by Physics Geek at 05:10 AM | Comments (0)

November 02, 2004

We interrupt election coverage for this important announcement

My friend's cat had 4 kittens and I already took one so she now has three kittens to give away. She is looking for a good home for these kittens. The kittens are 6 weeks old and have been wormed and have had all their shots. A photo of each is attached to assist you with choosing one or more.



cat001.jpg cat002.jpg cat003.jpg

Please let me know if you are interested... they're so cute.

Posted by Physics Geek at 09:36 PM | Comments (6)

Just go vote, people

I cannot fucking believe that anyone is freaking out over exit polls taken in the middle of the day. Since some of actually work for a living, we're forced to vote before or after our day job. Consequently, the people voting in the middle of the day tend to be

1) more female than the population as a whole
2) more unemployed than the population as a whole

Yeah, that's a representative sample of the total electorate.

Listen: if you're actually stupid enough to be influenced by the midday numbers, this country is in deep shit. Especially when some of those numbers are completely out of whack with reality. Kerry will probably win Pennsylvania, but only crack heads like Terry McAuliffe could actually look at a poll giving Kerry a 20 point lead and go, "Looks right to me." Just go vote and let the numbers sort themselves out the way they always do.

I cannot believe some people are this effing stupid.

Update: Mrs. du Toit makes a simliar point in her post:

It’s fairly obvious that the exit polls, taken in the morning, were wrong. And why would Republicans vote later in the day, rather than earlier? Because Republicans have jobs. DUH!

Posted by Physics Geek at 09:18 PM | Comments (0)

And the coveted Little Miss Attila endorsement goes to...

George W Bush.

I'm really behind on my blog reading. I have no idea how I missed her post. Great read, so get to it.

What? Still not sure if you want to? Okay, here's an excerpt:

To begin with, I want to point out two things about the voting process. First of all, it's private. You don't have to tell anyone the way you voted. Not your spouse. Not your parents. Not your teachers, co-workers, or friends. Some of us let our concern over what other people might think prevent us from voting the way we might want to in our most private moments. To do this is to squander the privileges that a lot of men (and a huge number of women) died for over the centuries winning our independence, strengthening the Union, and defending this country. Democracy is precious; use it to its fullest. I may wear my politics on my sleeve, but there is really no need for you, dear reader, to be as vulgar as I am.

Secondly, political thought is not an aesthetic issue, but one that requires reason and common sense. In other words, when you are thinking about your vote, do not use the part of your mind that puts your wardrobe together, or arranges your art on the wall, or engages in any creative endeavor: this project needs your problem-solving mind, the part of you that figures out how you're going to make more money this month when you're short on rent, or how to open new markets for your small business, or how to position yourself so you can get that promotion next year, or how to sell your art. This realm is a function of your left brain; fashion and aesthetics have nothing to do with it.

What I'm suggeseting here, in part, is that you can be a Bohemian and still vote for Bush: no one will confiscate your hemp clothes or your vintage hats if you do so. Promise.

It gets even better.

Posted by Physics Geek at 07:48 PM | Comments (0)

Election coverage

I would be remiss in my duties if I neglected to mention that the Command Post will have the most comprehensive election coverage from around the country. Yours truly has signed on as a contributor for things related to the Old Dominion. Keep watching for updates.

Posted by Physics Geek at 07:29 PM | Comments (0)

Your election primer

The Kerry Spot gives you the goods on what to look for this evening.

Posted by Physics Geek at 05:24 PM | Comments (0)

Nonpartisan joke

While walking down the street one day a US senator is tragically hit by a
truck and dies.

His soul arrives in heaven and is met by St. Peter at the entrance.

"Welcome to heaven," says St. Peter. "Before you settle in, it seems
there is a problem. We seldom see a high official around these parts,
you see, so we're not sure what to do with you."

"No problem, just let me in," says the man.

"Well, I'd like to, but I have orders from higher up What we'll do
is have you spend one day in hell and one in heaven. Then you
can choose where to spend eternity."

"Really, I've made up my mind. I want to be in heaven," says the
senator.

"I'm sorry, but we have our rules."

And with that, St. Peter escorts him to the elevator and he goesdown,
down, down to hell. The doors open and he finds himself
in the middle of a green golf course. In the distance is a clubhouse
and standing in front of it are all his friends and other politicians
who had worked with him.

Everyone is very happy and in evening dress. They run to greet him,
shake his hand, and reminisce about the good times they had while
getting rich at the expense of the people.

They play a friendly game of golf and then dine on lobster, caviar
and champagne.

Also present is the devil, who really is a very friendly guy who
has a good time dancing and telling jokes. They are having such a
good time that before he realizes it, it is time to go.

Everyone gives him a hearty farewell and waves while the elevator
rises...

The elevator goes up, up, up and the door reopens on heaven where St.
Peter is waiting for him.

"Now it's time to visit heaven."

So, 24 hours pass with the senator joining! a group of contented souls
moving from cloud to clou! d, playi ng the harp and singing. They have a
good time and, before he realizes it, the 24 hours have gone by and St.
Peter returns.

"Well, then, you've spent a day in hell and another in heaven. Now
choose your eternity"

The senator reflects for a minute, then he answers: "Well, I would never
have said it before, I mean heaven has been delightful, but I think I
would be better off in hell."

So St. Peter escorts him to the elevator and he goes down, down,
down to hell.

Now the doors of the elevator open and he's in the middle of a
barren land covered with waste and garbage.

He sees all his friends, dressed in rags, picking up the trash and
putting it in black bags as more trash falls from above.

The devil comes over to him and puts his arm around his shoulder.
"I don't understand," stammers the senator. "Yesterday I was here
and there was a golf course and clubhouse, and we ate lobster and
caviar, drank champagne, and danced and had a great time. Now
there's just a wasteland full of garbage! and my friends look miserable.
What happened?"

The devil looks at him, smiles and says, "Yesterday we were
campaigning...... Today you voted."

Posted by Physics Geek at 04:34 PM | Comments (0)

November 01, 2004

Coveted Physics Geek endorsement

As if. Anyway, I've detailed my problems with the Bush administration the last 18 months or so. The spending is ridiculous. Remember: the president CAN veto bills. And can someone start firing people wholesale oevr at the State Department? I swear to God that I wanted to start kicking some ass when State invited the freaking UN to come and monitor our elections. Regardless, there's only one thing that matters to me this year and it's the WOT. I realize that some disagree with me on this issue. At least Vox's reasoning has the benefit of logic attached to it. Sullivan could take a hint from Vox. However, I will state for the record that if Kerry wins tomorrow(or however long it takes) that this grand experiment known as the US of A will finally be drawing to a close. Why? Because we, the people, will have displayed a complete lack of backbone. We will have shown the world that we care more about the feckless pronouncements of pissants like Chirac and Kofi Annan than the protection of our citizens.

What's strangest about this election cycle is that I find myself aligned with the likes of Ron Silver, someone who I wrongly supposed was a run-of-the-mill Hollywood whack-job leftist. Like Ron should President Bush be re-elected, I will probably find myself opposing most of his domestic policies, albeit for different reasons. He probably thinks that Bush hasn't been progressive enough in his domestic choices while I believe that the President hasn't been anywhere near conservative enough. I feel kind of like the blind guys examining an elephant. The fact that two people can reach differnt conclusions while having access to the exact same data still amazes me.

In case this meandering post hasn't made it abundantly clear, I'll be voting for Bush tomorrow morning when the polls open here in Virginia. I could vote 3rd party again as I did in the last election(I chose for Browne) since Bush is going to carry Virginia anyway. But I won't. This time, the choice is clear. Remember: it might be entertaing to have THK as comedy fodder for 4 years, but the risk of laughing while our throats are being cut by terrorists is too great. Choose wisely.

Posted by Physics Geek at 10:02 PM | Comments (2)

Non-election related post

I cannot wait for this election season to be over so that I can get back to posting my normal gibberish consisting of stale jokes and beer references.

Posted by Physics Geek at 05:09 PM | Comments (0)

And the coveted Bill Whittle endorsement goes to...

George W Bush. Money quote:

People are telling you that Tuesday will be the most important election of your lives.

That is not true.

The most important election of your lives was held on Tuesday, November 7th, 2000. You just didn't know it. Neither did I.

What happened on that day led to one man being in the White House these past four years, rather than the other one. Whether he has done enough to keep us safe, even if he should lose on Tuesday, remains to be seen. But the fact remains that George W. Bush was Commander in Chief and President when we needed him the most.

I made a mistake when I cast my vote for Al Gore in the most important election of my lifetime. I won't make that mistake again on Tuesday.

Posted by Physics Geek at 05:03 PM | Comments (0)

Ace o' Spades election contest

Go over and submit your predictions. Prizes to consist of whatever's lying in the Ace HQ ditch. Here's what I think will happen:

House GOP Gains or Losses. GOP +4 seats

Senate GOP Gains or Losses. GOP +3 seats

Presidential Election: Popular vote share. Bush will win 49.5% of the popular vote, making it the 4th consecutive election without someone garnering 50+% of the vote.

Presidential Election: Electoral Share. Bush will win 283 electoral votes. My count is only valid before the Democrats ask the courts to change some results.

Presidential Election: Time of Declaration. If Minnesota and Iowa for Bush, the race will be over. I'm 10:45 p.m.

Presidential Election: Swing States! OH: Kerry; FL: Bush; MI: Kerry; MN: Bush; IA: Bush; WI: Bush; PA: Kerry; CO: Bush; NJ: Kerry; HI: Bush; NM: Bush; NH: Kerry.

Presidential Election: Tiebreaking Uncategorizable Prediction!
1) Dan Rather's head starts spinning around while his newsdesk levitates. Selling his soul to the Devil seemed a better alternative to calling the election for Bush.

2) Chris Matthews will announce that Florida is still up for grabs when Bush has a 20 point early lead. In an unrelated announcement, Ohio will be called for Kerry at 6 p.m.. EST

3) Brit Hume will offer the most balanced analysis of the election results, regardless of who wins.

Posted by Physics Geek at 04:53 PM | Comments (0)

The politics of blogging

"The politics of ooh-ooh feelin' good."

Spoons gets serious about people stealing his stuff. For the record, whenever I plagiarize his material, I always link to the post.

Posted by Physics Geek at 04:13 PM | Comments (0)

And the coveted American Digest endorsement goes to...

George W Bush. Excerpt:

The polls are open in California and after I finish this item, I'm going down to the Albertson's Supermarket across from the beach here in Laguna Beach and cast my ballot. It will be the first time I've ever voted for a Republican ticket in a National Election.

Before this, I voted Democrat right down the line. But I was asleep and I was foolish. Now, at least I can say I'm awake.

Fifty pictorial reasons are provided why he's voting for Bush. A must read for the day.

Posted by Physics Geek at 02:19 PM | Comments (2)

The much coveted Jane Galt endorsement goes to...

George W Bush. Megan dissects the issues point by point, giving props to each candidate which she feels is superior on that particular topic. Money quote at the end:

Then there's the question of what message electing Kerry would send. Does it make the world love us, because we got rid of the president they hate, or does it make them despise us, because we've just held a referendum on the Iraq war, and Bush lost?

Ultimately, I've decided to take the advice of a friend's grandmother, who told me, on her wedding day, that I should never, ever marry a man thinking he'd change. "If you can't live with him exactly the way he is," she told me, "then don't marry him, because he'll say he's going to change, and he might even try to change, but it's one in a million that he actually will."

Kerry's record for the first fifteen years in the senate, before he knew what he needed to say in order to get elected, is not the record of anyone I want within spitting distance of the White House war room. Combine that with his deficits on domestic policy -- Kerry's health care plan would, in my opinon, kill far more people, and cost more, than the Iraq war ever will -- and it's finally clear. For all the administration's screw -ups -- and there have been many -- I'm sticking with the devil I know. George Bush in 2004.

What she said.

Posted by Physics Geek at 01:41 PM | Comments (0)