Don't overindulge this Halloween.
"Uh, good evening Mr. Reynolds.
Trick or treat?"
Self-hating dogs for Glenn.
Newly registered Democrat voters in Ohio display their support for Kedwards.
The future of Happy Meals if Glenn Reynolds has his way.
"Who's your daddy now, beeyatch?"
No Halloween would be complete without a visit from our special friend, Seymour Butz.
And the Puppy Blender's sphere of influence continues to grow.
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Let's make it a stampede this time. Bring the Democrats back to sanity.
I believe it's called silicon poisoning.
Just a friendly warning, Britney.
Eliabeth Hurley supports Breast Awareness month.
Update: Make that Breast Cancer Awareness month.
Update: No bullshit from the peanut gallery; I've lost several loved ones to breast cancer.
And maybe not for 2 months afterwards, either. Edison Research has come up with multiple nightmare scenarios with regards to the Electoral College. Excerpt:
Scenario #1 – Electoral Vote Tie
Situation: The final Electoral Vote tally is 269 for Bush and 269 for Kerry.
Likelihood: Mathematically the chances are about 1 in 80, but the possible combinations of states that would create a 269-269 Electoral Vote tie are numerous. Simply by flipping New Hampshire and West Virginia from Bush to Kerry and having Kerry carry all of the states that Gore carried in 2000 would create an Electoral Vote tie.
Scenario #2 – The Proportional Electoral Vote Referendum in Colorado
Situation: Democrats have placed on the November 2nd ballot in Colorado a referendum that would change the method of allocating that state’s electoral votes. Currently like every other state, except Maine and Nebraska (which award electoral votes by Congressional District), Colorado awards all of its electors to the winner of the popular vote in the state. If this referendum passes, Colorado’s nine electoral votes would be awarded proportionally starting with the current election. If the electoral votes in Colorado had been awarded proportionally in 2000, Gore would have received three of Colorado’s eight electoral votes, and he would have won the electoral vote nationally 270 to 268. [Note that due to the new Census, Colorado has an additional electoral vote in 2004.]
Likelihood: First, the national electoral vote would need to be close enough for this procedure to make a difference. If there is a net swing of between 5 and 9 electoral votes from Bush to Kerry in the other 49 states then the outcome of the vote on this referendum would determine who is elected President.
Scenario #3 – Louisiana Senate run-off Election determines control of the Senate
Situation: Louisiana has a non-partisan primary for Senate scheduled for November 2nd. If no candidate receives a majority of the vote the top two finishers will face-off on Saturday, December 4th.
Likelihood: The Louisiana Senate is almost definitely going to go to a run-off. There are seven candidates on the ballot – one Republican, four Democrats and two Independents – so it will be almost impossible for one candidate to receive over 50% of the vote. The odds that control of the Senate is dependent upon this race are small but real. Currently the Senate composition is 51 Republicans, 48 Democrats and 1 Independent who votes with the Democrats (Jim Jeffords of Vermont). A net swing of one or two seats to the Democrats nationally will mean that Louisiana’s seat could be the one determining party control of the Senate.
Scenario #4 – Louisiana House run-offs determine control of the House of Representatives
Situation: As with the Senate race, Congressional elections in Louisiana require that a winning candidate receive 50% of the vote in order to avoid a December 4th run-off election. At least two Congressional Districts – and as many as four – in Louisiana are likely to have run-off elections on December 4th. If both parties are short of the 218 house seats needed for control, the outcomes of these run-offs would determine control of the House.
Likelihood: The Republicans currently have a 227-205 edge in the House (with one Democratic-leaning Independent and two formerly held vacant seats). If the Democrats have a net gain of 8-11 seats in the other 49 states, the Louisiana U.S. House races could determine control of the House. As of now the Democrats are unlikely to gain that many seats but it is still a possibility.
There's lots more. Read the whole thing. Try not to worry. Sure.
Update: Edison Research also provides us with a handy-dandy list of what to look for on election night.
Think I'm talking about the Red Sox Series triumph? Think again. Excerpt from the comments section to this post:
I stand by all my criticisms of Bush, and I still think that in a lot of ways, his reelection is going to do a lot of damage to the country. I also stand by my belief that Bush will do a lousy job on the War on Terror in a second term.
However, in the past couple weeks, it's become clear to me that the biggest danger is one I hadn't aprpeciated before: The enemies right here at home. I'm not talking just about your average Democrats. I think they're wrong about a lot of things, but they're not enemies. However, I'm talking about those on the left who despise America, and those who are trying to steal the election.
When the MSM, especially the NYT and CBS, is so in the tank for John Kerry that they're willing literally to make up phony story after phony story in order to defeat the President, then I just can't stay on the sidelines.
I feel sick about my vote. I think Bush is a really, really bad President. But right now, I hate to say it, the Media is worse.
The title of the post? CBS NEWS: ENEMY OF DEMOCRACY
I wonder how many other "fuck you, assholes" voters there are out there like Spoons who just itching to stick a hot poker into the eye of the lying sacks of shit currently inhabiting the MSM. Hopefully a lot. I've said it before, but if Kerry wins this election, all of the media elites will be able to proudly display their "Will Shamelessly Lie For Democrats" buttons without fear of repudiation. If they can continue to fucking lie on the air and in print even after their lies have been exposed, there's almost no hope left for this country. The American experiment will have finally failed. And no, I don't think I'm overstating the case.
Update: Joseph Farah, The Emperor and Spoons are all on record stating that there isn't anyway on God's green Earth that they would vote for Bush. All have now throw their support to our president. Do you think that the loony left has any inclination of just how badly they've screwed the pooch this time?
Received via email:
NAME: John Kerry
7 mansions, including one in Washington DC, worth multi-millions. I served in Vietnam (four months).
Law Enforcement. In my career as a U.S. Senator, I've voted to cut every law enforcement, CIA, and Defense bill. I ordered the city of Boston to remove a fire hydrant in front of my mansion, thereby endangering my neighbors in the event of fire. I served in Vietnam (four months).
I served in Vietnam (four months). I used three minor injuries to get an early discharge from the military and service in Vietnam (as documented by the attending doctor). I served in Vietnam (four months). I then returned to the U.S., joined Jane Fonda in protesting the war, and insulted returning Vietnam vets, claiming they committed atrocities and were baby killers. I served in Vietnam (four months). I threw my medals, ribbons, or something away in protest. Or did I? My book "Vietnam Veterans Against the War: The New
Soldier", shows how I truly feel about the military. I served in Vietnam (four months).
I graduated from Yale University with a low C average. Unlike my counterpart George Bush, I have no higher education and did not get admitted to Harvard nor graduate with an M.B.A
PAST WORK EXPERIENCE:
After College and Vietnam, I ran for the U.S. Congress and have been there ever since. I have no real world experience except marrying very rich women and running their companies vicariously through them. I served in Vietnam (four months).
As a U.S. Senator I set the record for the most liberal voting record, exceeding even Ted Kennedy and Hillary Clinton. I have consistently failed to support
our military and CIA by voting against their budgets, thus gutting our country's ability to defend itself. Although I voted for the Iraq War, now I am against it
and refuse to admit that I voted for it. I voted for every liberal piece of legislation. I have no plan to help this country but I intend to raise taxes
significantly if I am elected. I served in Vietnam(four months).
My wealth so far exceeds that of my counterpart, George Bush, that he will never catch up. I make little or no charitable contributions and have never
agreed to pay any voluntary excess taxes in Massachusetts, despite family wealth in excess of $700 million. I served in Vietnam (four months).
I (we) own 28 manufacturing plants (Heinz) outside of the U.S. in places like Asia, Mexico and Europe. We can make more profit from the cheaper cost of labor in those Countries, although I blame George Bush for sending all of the other jobs out of Country. I served in Vietnam (four months).
Although I claim to be in favor of alternative energy sources, Ted Kennedy and I oppose windmills off Nantucket and Martha's Vineyard as it might spoil our
view of the ocean as we cruise on our yachts. I served in Vietnam (four months).
RECORDS AND REFERENCES:
None. However, I served in Vietnam (four months).
I practice my Catholic faith whenever cameras are present. I ride a Serotta Bike. I love to ski/snowboard. I call my Gulfstream V Jet the "Flying Squirrel". I call my $850,000 42-foot Hinckley twin diesel yacht the "Scarmouche".
I am fascinated by rap and hip-hop and feel it reflects our real culture.
I own several "Large" SUVs including one parked at my Nantucket summer mansion, though I am against large, polluting, inefficient vehicles and blame George Bush for our energy problems. I served in Vietnam (four months).
PLEASE CONSIDER MY EXPERIENCE WHEN VOTING IN 2004, AND PLEASE PASS THE INFORMATION ON TO YOUR FRIENDS!!
John Cole is will be voting a party line GOP vote this year for the first time ever. Okay, he's making an exception for Perdue, who by all accounts is a decent individual. Excerpt:
The following individuals might want to get in touch with John Kerry, the DNC, CBS, and the NY Times and tell them 'thanks.'
Joe Manchin, III- (D.) candidate for governor of WV
Barbara Evans Fleishcauer- (D) candidate for the WV House of Delegates
Robert "Bob" Beach- (D) candidate for the WV House of Delegates
Why would you want to get in touch with the Kerry campaign? Because I had planned to vote for you in the general election, but because of Kerry's behavior the past two days, I decided to tell all Democrats to go to hell.
At any rate, I normally vote 40-50% Republican, 25% libertarian, 25% Democratic. Not this year. Every Democrat is guilty as far as I am concerened. YOu chose this man, you live with him. I refuse to reward the behavior I have seen over the past four years.
If you're not reading Balloon Juice daily, well, why not?
Here's a picture that clearly illustrates John Kerry's vision for this country. Think well on this, grasshopper, before you pull the lever for this guy.
Image lifted from today's Nealz Nuze.
From an email that's been circling the globe since before Columbus discovered the New World.
A man was walking across the road when he met the accident. The impact
was on his head which caused him to be comatosed for two days before he
finally regained consciousness. When open his eyes, his wife was there
He held her hands and said meaningfully : "You have always been beside
me. When I was a struggling university student, I failed again and again.
And sometimes, even my re-papers as well. You were always there beside me,
encouraging me to go on trying.."
She squeezed his hands as he continued :"When I went for all the major
interviews and failed to clinch any of the jobs, you were there beside
me, cutting out more adverts for me to apply..."
He continued "Then I started work at this little firm and finally got
to handle a big contract. I blew it because of one little mistake. And
you were there beside me."
Then I finally got another job after being laid off for sometime. But I
never seem to be promoted and my hard work was not recognised. As
such, I remained in the same position from the day I join the company till
now...And you were there beside me."
Her eyes brimmed with tears as she listened to her husband :"And now I
met an accident and when I woke up, you are here beside me....
....There's something I'd really like to say to you..."
She flung herself on the bed to hug her husband, and sobbing with
He said..., " I think you really bring me bad luck.."
Found the following list over at MSNBC:
No. 1 You are a modern day slave. There is no scope for personal fulfilment. You work for your pay-check at the end of the month, full stop.
No. 2 It's pointless to try to change the system. Opposing it simply makes it stronger.
No. 3 What you do is pointless. You can be replaced from one day to the next by any cretin sitting next to you. So work as little as possible and spend time (not too much, if you can help it) cultivating your personal network so that you're untouchable when the next restructuring comes around.
No. 4 You're not judged on merit, but on whether you look and sound the part. Speak lots of leaden jargon: people will suspect you have an inside track
No. 5 Never accept a position of responsibility for any reason. You'll only have to work harder for what amounts to peanuts.
No. 6 Make a beeline for the most useless positions, (research, strategy and business development), where it is impossible to assess your 'contribution to the wealth of the firm'. Avoid 'on the ground' operational roles like the plague.
No. 7 Once you've found one of these plum jobs, never move. It is only the most exposed who get fired.
No. 8 Learn to identify kindred spirits who, like you, believe the system is absurd through discreet signs (quirks in clothing, peculiar jokes, warm smiles).
No. 9 Be nice to people on short-term contracts. They are the only people who do any real work.
No. 10 Tell yourself that the absurd ideology underpinning this corporate bullshit cannot last for ever. It will go the same way as the dialectical materialism of the communist system. The problem is knowning when...
From Lileks, of course:
Also watched “Species,” for no reason I can recall, aside from the spectacular unholstered bosom of Natasha. Henstridge, who is otherwise untroubled by the burdens of talent.
What he said. And I really admire Natasha's ::cough-cough:: burden(s).
So Sinclair Broadcasting caved and declined to show Stolen Honor on its stations. So what? You can watch it all online.
So there's a cell phone addon that could allow you to see through dark bikinis. Interesting. Excerpt:
A Vodafone spokeswoman confirmed that the Peeping Tom accessory isn't a problem outside of Japan. She added that because Yamada Denshi is a third-party supplier, Vodafone's control is limited. "They are not an approved third party," she said.
"We would never go to market with a phone with any kind of capacity to see people naked," she said.
Not unless there's money to be made from it, of course.
Dick Morris may be a great presidential advisor, but his track record as an election prognosticator is lousy. If he thinks that Bush has it in the bag, George is in trouble. Big trouble.
Okay, Democrats, what will it be this time? You know what I mean. In 2000, you waited until right before the weekend to mention that Bush had had a DUI, knowing that the story would fester until election day. It almost worked. Now that people such as Dan Rather and Mark Halperin have been exposed as not so undercover operatives for the Kerry campaign, I expect something even worse. It won't matter if the story is factually correct or not. Rather will pontificate about the truth behind the story that people are ignoring. So what's it gonna be? I want the story to be ridiculous, outlandish and have no basis in reality whatsoever. Remember: you no longer have to rely on unreliable things like facts anymore. So have at it. I'll start making the popcorn right now in anticipation. It's going to be an entertaining weekend.
BUSH ON TORA BORA [Ramesh Ponnuru]
What he didn't say in the debates: "Now my opponent is throwing out the wild claim that he knows where bin Laden was in the fall of 2001 -- and that our military had a chance to get him in Tora Bora. This is an unjustified and harsh criticism of our military commanders in the field. This is the worst kind of Monday-morning quarterbacking. And it is what we've come to expect from Senator Kerry." Bush then quotes Tommy Franks, before continuing, "Before Senator Kerry got into political difficulty and revised his views, he saw Tora Bora differently. In the fall of 2001, on national TV, Senator Kerry said, 'I think we have been doing this pretty effectively, and we should continue to do it that way.' At the time, Senator Kerry said about Tora Bora, 'I think we've been smart. I think administration leadership has done well, and we are on the right track.' End quote. All I can say is that I am George W. Bush, and I approve of that message."
Misha needs our help.
I've only been blogging for a something over a year now, but what I've noticed that the community seems to be ready to help out its members in times of need. Remember when Mrs. Lileks lost her job? Lots of people helped James bar the door. Or how about the time that Dean went public about his personal demons and a request to help him and his family. Remember that one? By and large, bloggers and non-bloggers alike responded to these pleas for help because, dammit, we could. This time it's no different. Whatever help you can give, give.
Corruption in government has become so common that special interest
groups now get a *warranty card* when they buy a government official!
Thought you'd like to see a copy, so I've reproduced it below.
* * *
WARRANTY CARD ON PURCHASED GOVERNMENT OFFICIAL[tm]
Dear Special Interest,
Congratulations on the purchase of your genuine Government
Official[tm]. With regular maintenance your Government Official[tm]
should provide you with a lifetime of sweetheart deals, insider
information, preferential legislation and other fine services.
Before you begin using your product, we would appreciate it if you
would take the time to fill out this customer service card. This
information will not be sold to any other party, and will be used
solely to aid us in better fulfilling your future needs in political
1. Which of our fine products did you buy?
__ Cabinet Secretary - Commerce
__ Cabinet Secretary - Other
__ Other Elected Official (please specify)
__ Other Appointed Official (please specify)
2. How did you hear about your Government Official[tm]? Please check
all that apply.
__ TV ad.
__ Magazine / newspaper ad.
__ Shared jail cell with.
__ Former law partner of.
__ Unindicted co-conspirator with.
__ Former crony of.
__ Procured for.
__ Related to.
__ Recommended by lobbyist.
__ Recommended by organized crime figure.
__ Frequently mentioned in conspiracy theories. (On Internet.)
__ Frequently mentioned in conspiracy theories. (Elsewhere.)
__ Spoke at fund-raiser at my temple.
__ Solicited bribe from me.
__ Attempted to seduce me.
3. How do you expect to use your Government Official[tm]? (Please
check all that apply.)
__ Obtain lucrative government contracts.
__ Have my prejudices turned into law.
__ Obtain diplomatic concessions.
__ Obtain trade concessions.
__ Have embargo lifted from own nation / ally.
__ Have embargo imposed on enemy / rival nation / religious infidels.
__ Obtain patronage job for self / spouse / mistress.
__ Forestall military action against self / allies.
__ Instigate military action against internal enemies / aggressors /targets
for future conquest.
__ Impede criminal / civil investigation of self / associates /spouse.
__ Obtain pardon for self / associates / spouse.
__ Inflict punitive legislation on class enemies / rivals / hated ethnic groups.
__ Inflict punitive regulation on business competitors /environmental
exploiters / capitalist pigs.
4. What factors influenced your purchase? (Please check all that
__ Performance of currently owned model.
__ Party affiliation.
__ Professed beliefs of Government Official[tm].
__ Actual beliefs of Government Official[tm].
__ Orders from boss / superior officer / foreign government.
__ Celebrity endorsement.
5. Is this product intended as a replacement for a currently owned
Government Official[tm]? ______
If you answered "yes," please indicate your reason(s) for changing
__ Excessive operating / maintenance costs.
__ Needs have grown beyond capacity of current model.
__ Defect in current model:
__ Resigned in disgrace.
__ Switched parties / beliefs.
__ Outbribed by competing interest.
Thank you for your valuable time. Always remember: in choosing a
Government Official[tm] you have chosen the best politician that money
A college student picked up his date at her parents home. He'd scraped together every cent he had to take her to a fancy restaurant. To his dismay, she ordered almost everything expensive on the menu. Appetizers, lobster, champagne. . .the works.
Finally he asked her, "Does your Mother feed you like this at home?
"No," she said, "but my Mother's not looking to get laid, either
Many people work side by side with space aliens who look human, but you can spot these visitors by looking for certain tip-offs, say experts. They listed 10 signs to watch for:
1. Odd or mismatched clothes. "Often space aliens don't fully understand the different styles, so they wear combinations that are in bad taste, such as checked pants with a striped shirt or a tuxedo jacket with blue jeans or sneakers," noted Brad Steiger, a renowned UFO investigator and author.
2. Strange diet or unusual eating habits. Space aliens might eat French fries with a spoon or gobble down large amounts of pills, the experts say.
3. Bizarre sense of humour. Space aliens who don't understand earthly humour may laugh during a serious company training film or tell jokes that no one understands, said Steiger.
4. Takes frequent sick days. A space alien might need extra time off to "rejuvenate its energy," said Dr. Thomas Easton, a theoretical biologist and futurist.
5. Keeps a written or tape recorded diary. "Aliens are constantly gathering information," said Steiger.
6. Misuses everyday items. "A space alien may use correction fluid to paint its nails," said Steiger.
7. Constant questioning about customs of co-workers. Space aliens who are trying to learn about earth culture might ask questions that seem stupid, Easton said. "For example, a co-worker may ask why so many Americans picnic on the Fourth of July," noted Steiger.
8. Secretive about personal lifestyle and home. "An alien won't discuss domestic details or talk about what it does at night or on weekends," said Steiger.
9. Frequently talks to himself. "An alien may not be used to speaking as we do, so it may practice speaking," Steiger noted.
10. Displays a change of mood or physical reaction when near certain high-tech hardware. "An alien may experience a mood change when a microwave oven is turned on," said Steiger.
Personal Question: Can the majority of your co-workers can claim at
least half of these too?
That's what this election will mean. I don't think Kerry's going to win, but I'm bracing myself nonetheless. I'm bracing for condescending, patronizing head-patting from European acquaintances, which is a good deal worse than such acquaintances simply ignoring me out of disgust. I'm bracing for Michael Moore riding the wave of celebratory euphoria and becoming a political celebrity of unprecedented stature for someone from the filmmaking industry, rather like Oliver Stone winning a Senate seat, only with the added bonus of making our philosophical leaders look like the stereotypical fat, loud, obnoxious Americans we're already seen as. I'm bracing for Barbra Streisand, Janeane Garofalo, Arec Bardwin, Martin Sheen, MATT DAMON, Bruce Springsteen, and a thousand other actors and artists being filled with giddy joy and the sense that through the power of movies and songs and petulant theme concerts and appearances on The Daily Show they can change history, even if they haven't given a moment's thought to what they're fighting for except "change".
And now those words you hate to hear: Read. It All.
Update: And Peeve Farm appears to be another one of my frequent reads that I've somehow left off of my my blogroll. Ugh. Situation corrected.
And from none other than Lazarus Long. Chuck Simmins gives us the scoop. And if you don't know who Lazarus Long is, go read some Heinlein and get back to me. Excerpt:
If you are part of a society that votes, than do so. There may be no candidates and no measures you want to vote for .. but there are certain to be ones you want to vote against. In case of doubt, vote against. By this rule, you will rarely go wrong.
If this is too blind for your taste, consult some well meaning fool (there is always one around) and ask his advice. Then vote the other way. This enables you to be a good citizen (if such is your wish) without spending the enormous amount of time on it that truly intelligent exercise of franchise requires.
THESE ARE WELL KNOWN SAYINGS CAN YOU TRANSLATE?
1. Scintillate, Scintillate, asteroid exiguous.
2. Members of an avian species of identical plumage congregate.
3. Surveillance should precede salutations
4. Pulchritude poses possesses solely coetaneous profundity
5. It is fruitless to become lachrymose over precipitately departed lacteal fluid.
6. Freedom from incrustations of grime is contiguous to rectitude.
7. The stylus is more potent then the claymore.
8. It is fruitless to attempt to indoctrinate a superannuated canine with innovative maneuvers.
9. Eschew the implement of correction and vitiate the scion.
10. The temperature of the aqueous content of an unremittingly ogled saucepan does not does reach 212 F'.
11. All articles that coruscate with resplendence are not truly auriferous.
12. Where there are visible vapors in ignited carbonaceous material, there is conflagration.
13. Sorting on the part of mendicants must be interdicted.
14. A plethora of individual with expertise in culinary techniques vitiate the potable concoctions produced by steeping certain comestibles.
15. Eleemosynary deeds have their insipience intramurally.
16. Male cadavers are incapable of yielding any testimony.
17. Individuals who make their abode in vitreous edifices would be advised to refrain from catapulting petrous projectiles.
18. Neophyte's serendipity.
19. Exclusive dedication to necessitous chores without interludes of hadonisita diversion renders John a habatudinous fellow.
20. A revolving lithic conglomerate accumulates no congaries of a small, green bryophitic plant.
21. A person presenting the ultimate cachination possess thereby the optimal cachination.
22. Abstention from any aleatory undertakings precludes a potent potential escalation of lucrative nature.
23. Missiles of ligneous or petrous consistency have the potential of fracturing my osseous structures but appellations will eternally name innocuous.
Answers to follow. If you're so inclined, leave your answers in the comments.
For those of you waiting for Tim Russert to pronounce "this race is over" if Kerry wins Ohio, I give you the following scenario found at Best of the Web:
Kerry picks up one Bush state from 2000 (New Hampshire, with 4 electoral votes). Bush has a slight advantage in all the three closest states--Iowa, Ohio and Wisconsin--of which he won only Ohio in 2000. If the other 47 states all follow Tradesports' expectations, Bush wins if he carries either Ohio or both Iowa and Wisconsin. Kerry needs Ohio along with either Iowa or Wisconsin.
So all my hopes do not rest with Ohio. As much as I want those 20 EV's to end up in Bush's tally, picking up Iowa and Wisconsin would be just fine, too. However, with all of the cheating bullshit that the Kerry campaign seems determined to try, it might not be enough. God help us all if these third world, Banana Republic tactics work.
Well, the Geek site was down for the count yesteday. Apparently the MuNuverse had collapsed into a black hole. Now that I've been spat out into another galaxy, I'm ready to begin posting again. Aren't you glad? Anyway, I found the following blurb in Best of the Web:
From an interview with John Kerry in Rolling Stone magazine:
Q: What do you think of the color-coded terror alerts the Department of Homeland Security issues?
Kerry: I think Americans, sadly, laugh at it. They don't know what to do.
Q: Will you continue that program?
Kerry: No. I'm going to find some more thoughtful way of alerting America.
Reader Jonathan Wilson offers a preview of Kerry's French-looking alert system:
Level 1: Ennui
Level 2: Comme ci, comme ça
Level 3: Plus ça change, plus c'est la même chose
Level 4: Regardez!
Level 5: Zut alors!
Must be the first installment of the more sensitive war on terror.
What do I care? I have no shame and am almost impossible to embarrass. Anyway, Gerard linked to this quiz with the following quotation:
For those guys that can't resist a sharp quiz, we recommend the dubious Cooking to Hook Up: The Bachelor's Date-Night Cookbook, which will tell you what kind of girl you are. I took it and, no, I'm not telling. If you're smart neither will you.
Okay, so I'm not that smart. Anyway, I took the quiz as best I might, what with being a Pale Penis Person and all. Here are my results. I'm not surprised to find that my results mirror who I actually married. Birds of a feather and all that.
For some reason, not everyone reads the Bleat on a daily basis. I do, though, so you won't have to. Anyway, here's the money quote from today's column:
Oooh, people are going to hate this 527 spot, which yanks the heartstrings like Quasimodo pulling bell-ropes on Easter. I’ll help ‘em out: SO WHAT? HITLER LOVED HIS DOG, and besides HE ORDERED THE EVENT AND CAN’T PRONOUNCE NUCLEAR! Right now George Soros is filming a response ad that has Michael Moore hugging one of his Upper West Side condo neighbors, who tragically lost a parking spot on 9/11.
There's a sequel to the LOTR in the works: Lord of the Rings: King of the Golden Cricles! Look here for details. Here's an excerpt from the script:
A female VOICE OVER rises over a scene of gentle rolling hills.
Ten years have passed.
The Age of Man spreads across
Middle Earth, now renamed Man Land.
We see crowds of URUK-HAI, chained by the ankles and doing slave labor for human plantation owners. A human overseer cracks a whip and an URUK's ARM falls off in a torrent of blood.
But still, a sense of unease lays heavy
over the men and women of Man Land
as they watch warily for
the Other Eye of Sauron.
We see a CAVE. Out of the mouth pokes the familiar face of GOLLUM, now covered in bandages. GOLLUM looks around nervously, then leans back in and continues applying SALVE to his burns.
DISSOLVE to a scene in HOBBITON, where happy HOBBITS are frantically building their little town into a thriving city. MILLS and IRON WORKS are built along the river, turning out goods at a record pace. The furnaces of industry grind into the future.
And in the land of the Hobbits
a new era has also come to pass.
The legendary Bilbo Baggins, having spent
a decade in the Grey Havens,
finally succumbed to a mortal
case of Hobbit Rot.
Open on a banner, spread across a massive celebration. This is the FUNERAL OF BILBO BAGGINS.
The world has moved on.
We see an older and wiser SAMWISE GAMGEE, now the SHERIFF OF HOBBITON, making the rounds of party goers.
MERRY and PIPPEN arrive, on an elaborate STAGE COACH being driven by six URUK-HAI in loincloths.
We do not see FRODO. Also noticably absent, is GANDALF.
The URN containing the pink, jellied remains of BILBO is prayed to and then drank by his heirs through straws.
There's more! Read it all.
Check out this link over at Something Awful for still more D&D goodness. Excerpt:
Many of you, gentle readers, have probably heard of the famous (some would say infamous) role playing game "Dungeons & Dragons". This Saturday nerds and those who make their livelihood off of nerds around the world celebrated the 30th birthday of "Dungeons & Dragons". Prior to D&D the closest thing to role playing games were various tabletop strategy games. D&D creator Dave Arneson and perpetually bitter king nerd Gary Gygax transformed the little figurines into fully realized characters of a player's own imagining and catapulted gaming from table tops to character sheets.
I would like to devote today to great moments in "Dungeons & Dragons" history. You may scoff, but without the kobolds and magic missiles of D&D where would computer RPGs be today? Here's a hint: GAY ANIME ROBOT STORIES. If you prefer Nordic barbarians over huge-eyed elves with romantic problems then you should view D&D with just a modicum of respect. Just a modicum.
Apparently, Lileks wasn't too thrilled with The Day After Tomorrow. He made some observations in the usual Lileks manner, including this one:
6. Early in the movie we infer that Dennis Quaid is no longer married to Sela Ward because his demanding job as a paleoclimatologist drove her away. Given that this means he preferred drilling ice to – well, Sela Ward, do you expect us to have any sympathy for this idiot at all?
What he said.
Okay, so it was the NY Times. Impossible to tell the difference right now. Excerpts:
Nearly four years ago, after the Supreme Court awarded him the presidency, Mr. Bush came into office amid popular expectation that he would acknowledge his lack of a mandate by sticking close to the center. Instead, he turned the government over to the radical right.
When the nation fell into recession, the president remained fixated not on generating jobs but rather on fighting the right wing's war against taxing the wealthy. As a result, money that could have been used to strengthen Social Security evaporated, as did the chance to provide adequate funding for programs the president himself had backed.
The president's refusal to drop his tax-cutting agenda when the nation was gearing up for war is perhaps the most shocking example of his inability to change his priorities in the face of drastically altered circumstances. Mr. Bush did not just starve the government of the money it needed for his own education initiative or the Medicare drug bill. He also made tax cuts a higher priority than doing what was needed for America's security; 90 percent of the cargo unloaded every day in the nation's ports still goes uninspected.
[Note: a John Kerry debate talking point. Cool.]
The Justice Department cannot claim one major successful terrorism prosecution, and has squandered much of the trust and patience the American people freely gave in 2001. Other nations, perceiving that the vast bulk of the prisoners held for so long at Guantánamo Bay came from the same line of ineffectual incompetents or unlucky innocents, and seeing the awful photographs from the Abu Ghraib prison in Baghdad, were shocked that the nation that was supposed to be setting the world standard for human rights could behave that way.
Like the tax cuts, Mr. Bush's obsession with Saddam Hussein seemed closer to zealotry than mere policy
The international outrage over the American invasion is now joined by a sense of disdain for the incompetence of the effort.
Mr. Bush remains enamored of tax cuts but he has never stopped Republican lawmakers from passing massive spending, even for projects he dislikes, like increased farm aid.
[***Note: if the president hadn't passed farm aid, the Times would be frothing at the mouth over it.]
The Bush White House has always given us the worst aspects of the American right without any of the advantages.
[***Note: The Times thinks that there are advantages? Bullshit detector pegging. Hard]
I'm disappointed. The Times didn't manage to insert BusHitler into the editorial. I'll guarantee you that it wasn't due to lack of effort.
This week on Boston ER:
"He's coding! Quick, another amp of epi. Clear!"
"No pulse; up the voltage to 300.... Clear!"
"D&mmit! We need help. Somebody call Doctor Ortiz!"
"We've got a weak pulse; patient still on life support."
As a lifelong Cardinals fan, game 5 has me a little queasy already. St. Louis is the only team in MLB history to twice blow 3-1 leads in the postseason. Now I'm fearful that they'll add blowing a 2-0 NLCS lead to that tally.
Maybe someone could tell uncle Tony, the Cardinals' skipper, that pitching to Beltran right now might not be such a smark freaking move. Just an idea.
Okay, maybe not, but Steven den Beste has posted something other than anime reviews. Excerpt:
In my opinion, the polls were being deliberately gimmicked, in hopes of helping Kerry. In early August it looks as if there was an attempt to engineer a "post-convention bounce", but it failed and was abandoned after about two weeks. But I'm not absolutely certain about that.
The data for September, however, is clearly an anomaly. The data is much too consistent. Compare the amount of jitter present before September to the data during that month. There's no period before that of comparable length where the data was so stable.
The September data is also drastically outside of previous trends, with distinct stairsteps both at the beginning and at the end. And the data before the anomaly and after it for both Kerry and Bush matches the long term trendlines.
If I saw something like that in scientific or engineering data, I'd be asking a lot of very tough questions. My first suspicion would be that the test equipment was broken, but in the case of opinion polls there is no such thing. My second suspicion would be fraud.
In September, I think there was a deliberate attempt to depress Kerry's numbers, so as to set up an "October comeback". Of course, the goal was to engineer a bandwagon.
Public opinion isn't usually as ephemeral as these polls suggest that it is. But there can be long-term trends, and I find it interesting that such a thing actually does show through. It's quite striking how close some of the data falls to the long term trendlines which I've drawn in.
The reason the Democrats and the MSM are getting frantic is that they're losing.
From your mouth to God's ears, all my atheist readers notwithstanding.
Winds of Change provides yet another example of Oh, that liberal media. Excerpt:
Over on ABC's 'Noted Now' website, a quote from my own Governator:
SCHWARZENEGGER SAYS BOTH BUSH AND KERRY EVASIVE IN DEBATES: "Both of them did not answer some of the questions, which I think is upsetting to me. I think it is much better to be straightforward with the people.... You know like Kerry did. Bush did the same thing in some instances, not really get into it and answer it."
So I click along to the linked Reuters story and get this (the deleted words are in bold):
"Both of them did not answer some of the questions, which I think is upsetting to me," Schwarzenegger told KGO radio in San Francisco. "I think it is much better to be straightforward with the people."
"I mean if you get a question about Iran and about the nuclear power and what you are going to do in the future with this nuclear power, and you don't even answer that question, I think it's a mistake, You know like Kerry did," he continued. "Bush did the same thing in some instances, not really get into it and answer it."
No, it's not heresy. It's Fellowship 9/11!
Thank Mike for the link.
I saw no point in bringing up Kerry's reference to Mary Cheney, other than clobbering Sullivan for blatant hypocrisy on the issue- some things you can't ignore. However, the followup to Lynne Cheney's remarks by Elizabeth Edwards has got me steaming. My anger, though, must pale in comparison to what Mrs. Cheney feels right now. The Kerry Spot has it about right:
Elizabeth Edwards, you did not mess with Lynne Cheney's relationship with her daughter. The last guy to do that was Alan Keyes, and now the only place you see him is on the side of a milk carton.
This is going to outrage the right, and I don't see the middle being thrilled with this either.
Update: Scott Ott right on the money, as usual.
Update: Little Miss Attila has more. Excerpt:
God help this country if these creeps get elected. They are the scum of the earth.
I can't stand what's happening to this country, and I can't wait till this election is over.
Ohio, don't fail us.
Final Update: No really! And it's from Lileks, so it was worth the wait. Excerpt:
Besides, why would anyone want to go into politics if their children are now “fair game,” as Kerry’s campaign manager said? So the Cheneys have a gay daughter. OMG! I go to church, ergo I should hate the Cheneys for not putting her under wooden planks and pressing her death with stones, old-skool style! This is truly upsetting to me, because as someone who believes in a permanent reduction in capital gains tax and a strong military posture I must ergo obviously stands-to-reason rear back in horror at the very idea of gay people walking around freely instead of herded into camps and made to sew pink triangles 18 hours a day. Kerry was right to expose this festering obscenity! What if she visits the White House? What if she touches the silverware? Icky icky icky!
Jeez. Thanks for crossing that line, guys.
Update: Yeah, I lied. Sue me. Powerline details what might a growing "Cheney backlash". Excerpt:
Truthfully, Cheney didn't make much of an impression on me. He was as diffident as you would expect, and, as with most famous people, my main thought upon seeing him in the flesh was that he looked just like he does on television.
The person who did make a deep impression on me was Mary Cheney. She appeared to be in charge of her father's security detail. She was wearing a leather jacket and a microphone, through which she communicated steadily with other security personnel. She seemed very intense and looked tough, but not at all unattractive. In all my life, I have never seen such a striking image of protectiveness. She hovered over her father, cleared a path for him, scanned the small crowd anxiously. It was obvious that she adored her father; incongruously, perhaps, she reminded me of an eagle protecting its young.
Mary Cheney does not, I think, do campaign speeches and interviews. Perhaps she is not comfortable in that role. But we all serve where we can. That day four years ago, it was very clear that if anyone sought to harm Dick Cheney, he would have to do it over his daughter's dead body.
I knew it before I looked. Of course Sullivan would support Kerry's bullshit mention of Mary Cheney last night. What I didn't expect was the kama sura like contortions that he would put himself through to do it. Excerpt(and no, I'm not linking directly to any of his bullshit):
Mickey posits a perilous race analogy:
What if Kerry were debating a conservative on affirmative action, and that conservative had a black wife, and Kerry gratuitously brought that up in an attempt to cost his opponent the racist vote? Would Andrew Sullivan approve? I don't think so. ...
And there you have it: complete, unadulterated horse poopy. When you "don't buy" the cynical explanation about a Panderer-in-Chief's position as the most likely explanation, you have proved yourself to be
a) a freaking idiot or
b) a mindless apologist the person opposing the candidate that you hate
Since Sully obivously isn't stupid, I'm leaning towards choice "b". Yeah, I know. I'm going out on a limb here.
Update: Ace adds his take on this subject while linking to some others. Not surprisingly, I'm not the only one that noticed Sullivan's, umm, nuance on this particular subject.
After the game is played, of course. Stephen Green links to a Drudge report which, at first blush, would appear to be a work of fiction. However, based on the actions of the national Democrats the last 4 years, it's probably true. The gist? Democrats are supposed to allege voter intimidation, even if none exits. Isn't that special?
I've given my "what the hell has happened to the Democrat party?" speech before, so I'm not going to replay it now. However, I cannot stress how much damage these assholes are doing to this great country of ours, all with the sole purpose of aquiring power. Apparently, Democrats feel(and not all Democrats- don't screw with me here) that the presidency belongs to them by divine right. Not only the presidency, of course. I'm certain that the red state boobs who continually vote for Republicans are on the Democrats' shit list, too.
Here's what needs to happen: the Dem's as a party need to get their collective asses kicked on November 2. If, by some stroke of luck, Kerry actually wins, you can kiss the country that you've known and loved goodbye. You think I'm overstating the case? Consider this:
1) The country will be deluged by a flood of lefty moonbat political advertisements, not so cleverly disguised as movies, which will make Farenheit 9/11 look mild by comparison. Expected release dates? Every election cycle. Count on it.
2) States in which the Democrats control the courts will overturn, twist, or neglect any law that acts as a potential barrier to a Democrat getting elected. The Torricelli option will become the gold standard for the entire country.
3) The broadcast networks will drop all pretense(okay, it's almost a done deal now) of objectivity in their newscasts. Any and all allegations about possible Republican misdeeds will become the subject of nightly investigative coverage. In the event that no evidence is discovered, the talking heads will simply announce that "the investigation is continuing". Videotapes of Democrats robbing the local 7/11 will be ignored or decried as "partisan attacks". You think things are being swept under the rug now? Pshaw. You haven't seen anything yet.
The last time I voted for a Democrat running for a serious office was when I submitted a ballot that I had checked for Doug Wilder, the first-and only, so far- black governor in the USA. At this rate, I may not vote for a Democrat again. Ever.
Not surprisingly, it comes from Jeff Goldstein. Excerpt:
update 3: In another moment of pomo-inspired dementia, some of the lefty sites are urging their readers to spam the online polls—and then are reporting breathlessly on those very spammed poll results to “prove” a sizeable Kerry victory. Which is a lot like calling yourself the greatest lover in the world when all you ever do is masturbate. I think.
Update: Heard the following from a friend of mine:
If John Kerry were to be elected-he could give the State of the Union....and then give the opposition's response.
Update: And of course, no analysis would be complete without Rachel Lucas's take on it.
Once again Neal Boortz provides a link to a story that raises my blood pressure. Excerpt:
There is a Democrat running for a State House seat in Tennessee. Who cares, right? Well, the campaign of by Democrat Craig Fitzhugh is making news because of a flyer that he is circulating. The ad shows a picture of a Special Olympics participant running a race, with President Bush's head superimposed on top. The caption reads: "Voting for Bush Is Like Running In The Special Olympics: Even If You Win, You're Still Retarded." Well isn't that nice.
The flyers have been distributed from Fitzhugh's campaign office for two weeks. By the way, that office also serves as the Kerry/Edwards campaign headquarters. So now what is The Poodle's campaign going to say?
Assholes. Complete and utter assholes. Reminds me of Gore calling the Republicans the party with an extra chromosone. My friends with Down's Syndrome children were not amused. Somehow, I don't think that they'll be thrilled by this shit either.
Neal Boortz presents a couple of answers he would have given at last night's debate. I think he needs to work on his pandering skills a bit:
You are about to read, my friends, why I could never possibly be elected if I were ever to decide to run for office.
Last night Bob Schieffer asked the candidates what they would tell to an individual who had lost his job to some worker overseas who would work for a fraction of the wages he was earning. Bush gave a mealy-mouthed response, and Kerry ignored the question altogether. Here is what I would have said ... and here is why I would never be elected:
"First of all, Bob, I would tell them that it is not their job. The job belongs to the employer, not the employee. You have the job skills. The employer has the jobs. If the employer can make a profit by purchasing your job skills to perform his job then you get a paycheck. If your job skills cost the employer too much, or if your job skills don't meet the employer's needs, then you don't get a paycheck. If you fail to develop your job skills, you run the risk of not having a paycheck. If your job skills don't match the employer's needs, you don't get a paycheck. If you charge too much for your job skills, you won't get hired. You have no right to a job. You do have a right to be left alone by government and your fellow citizens to develop your own God-given talents in such a way that employers will seek you out. You also have a right to ignore educational opportunities and to develop a slovenly work ethic so that employers will shun you. You make your choices, and you live with the consequences of your decisions. I would tell that person that any American with desirable job skills and a good worth ethic, properly priced, would have to hide under his bed to avoid getting a good job. If you believe in the year 2004 that you can build a sound career as a textile plant worker in South Carolina then you are living a lie, and that delusion will soon catch up to you. You need to understand that you are a free and sovereign individual. You don't belong to the government, and It's not the government's responsibility to provide you with a job. It's the government's job to clear the way for you to exercise your free choices, develop your skills, hone your work ethic, and contract with an employer eager to hire someone like you. Past that, you're on your own, and that's life in a free society."
And then there was the question about raising the minimum wage. That's another one you don't want to ask me.
"Look, Bob. Wages are something to be negotiated between the employer and the employee. It is not the job of government to set wages for private sector employees. Our Constitution specifically states that the government is not to alter the terms of a contract between individuals. The matter of wages paid for services rendered is something to be resolved in negotiations between the employer and employee and then expressed in the terms of a contract between the parties. The government has no role here. And while I'm addressing this, let's talk about the people who are actually earning the minimum wage. Most of these people are teenagers working in entry-level jobs. They're developing job skills and will only spend a minimum amount of time at the minimum wage. But what about that small number of people who are trying to raise a family on minimum wage. My opponent won't say this. It's harsh, but it's the truth. If you have done such a pathetic job of developing job skills and a work ethic that you cannot earn more than the minimum wage, then you have no business having children. We have far too many people in this country who have children that they know full well they cannot afford to raise. The answer to this problem is not to force employers to pay them more than they are worth. The answer is to educate people as to the cost of properly raising a child, and to encourage them to make sure they can pay the bills before they make the decision to have a baby."
Oh yeah ... that's going to get me a lot of votes. I think I'll just keep doing a talk show.
From TMQ, of course:
Denver Helmet Instructions: "INSERT RUNNING BACK, GAIN THOUSAND YARDS"
Denver substitute tailback Reuben Droughns, who entered the contest with 127 yard rushing in five years, ran for 193 yards.
If you're a football fan and not regularly reading Tuesday Morning Quarterback, well, what the heck is wrong with you?
This WapPo article(bugmenot firstname.lastname@example.org,password=biteme) gives some insight into how this close presidential race is likely to be decided. Excerpt:
And yet, on this overarching "what next" question, Bush is right. He is right that the best defense against terrorism is offense: Given the vast variety of targets from which terrorists can choose, the "homeland security" alternative is hopeless. He is right that preemptive war is a necessary option, and that we won't always know all of the facts about the threats we are preempting. And he is right, however unfashionable it may be to say so, that nation-building can be successful.
Thanks to Powerline for the link.
Update: The Alpha Patriot correctly mentions in the comments that the article's author is a real, honest to God liberal. He's not what you'd consider one of Bush's core supporters. If there are more like him, Kerry could be in trouble.
Update: Alpha Patriot also links to this site. The picture is just too darned funny.
So John Kerry can fight a "more sensitive war on terror", eh? No word yet on how he'll accomplish this little thing, but I'm betting he has A Plan™. Anyhoo, it's time to breakout Ouija board and the Magic 8-Ball to try and determine the sensitive course of action. Here we go:
Question: Oh great spirits of the unknown, please provide insight into John Kerry's more sensitive approach to the WOT.
Board answers: Ooh, ooh, it's moving! And the first letter is A. Okay, what's next? Wait, there it goes again... and it's on P. Gosh, I'm so excited. I have no idea what's next.... and now it's sliding again towards the right side of the board- no wait, now it's moving to the left side- now back again to the right- and now to the left. Is the answer the Hokey Pokey? Why does it keep moving its position back and forth like it can't make up its mind? I have no idea.
Okay, it seems to be settling down and moving towards... L. A-P-L; Animal Planet? No, it's moving again. And. It's. Settling. On... the letter A. I wonder if it's done? No no! It's sweeping around the board and ... the letter N. A-P-L-A-N. Aplan? Aplan? What does that mean? Well, it looks like the cursor has stopped moving and we're stuck with a nonsensical, say nothing answer. Or maybe we just don't have the insight to decipher it. Anyway, I thank the spirits for their help. The fault must lie with me for being unable to understand the response. Time to get some real answers.
Question: Does John Kerry plan to win the WOT?::shake-shake::
Answer: It is decidely so.
Answer: My Sources Say No.
Question: What? Are you just yanking my chain by giving me different answers to the same question?
Answer: It Is Certain.
Question: Are you purposely giving me opposite answers to every question?
Answer: You May Rely On It.
::mutter-mutter piece of crap mutter-mutter::
Question: Will Kerry's plan involve the French?
Answer: Reply Hazy, Try Again
Question: Will it involve the Germans?
Answer: Concentrate and Ask Again.
Question: Does John Kerry really have a plan?
Answer: Yes Definitely.
Question: Will we ever find out the details?
Answer: Don't Count On It.
And there you have it. Incontrovertible proof that Kerry does have a Plan™ to wage a more sensite WOT. What more do you need?
So Duke University has invited the Palestinian Solidarity Movement to speak on campus. This group "refuses to condemn terrorism, urges the flooding of Israel with millions of Palestinian refugees to dissolve its Jewish character, and calls on the public to divest from Israel." Unbelievable. And yet somehow not.
Here's a hint: don't lecture them on how you think that he's not acting Jewish enough. And especially don't try this particular stunt on Jonah Goldberg.
Stolen shamelessly from Nealz Nuze:
|To All American Voters,|
I am a senior citizen. During the Clinton Administration I had an extremely good and well paying job. I took numerous vacations and had several vacation homes. Since President Bush took office, I have watched my entire life change for the worse.
I lost my job.
I lost my two sons in that terrible Iraqi War.
I lost my homes.
I lost my health insurance.
As a matter of fact I lost virtually everything and became homeless. Adding insult to injury, when the authorities found me living like an animal, instead of helping me, they arrested me. I will do anything that Senator Kerry wants to insure that a Democrat is back in the White House come next year. Bush has to go.
I just thought you would like to know how one senior citizen views the Bush Administration.
Thank you for taking time to read my letter.
It's time to Beat the Geek!
I've been participating in NFL pools(purely for entertainment, of course) since 1981 and had a losing week a total of 3 times before this season. I've managed to accomplish that particular feat twice already this year. Somehow, I just can't get a handle on the teams this year. Oh well. Anyway, I've decided to risk more humiliation by posting my weekly picks here on my blog. Feel free to ridicule my choices and/or post your own. So here they are:
Pittsburgh over Cleveland
Atlanta over Detroit
New England over Miami(my team sucks right now)
Minnesota over Houston
Dallas over NY Giants
Indy over Oakland
New Orleans over Tampa Bay
NY Jets over Buffalo
San Diego over Jacksonville
SF over Arizona
Denver over Carolina
St. Louis over Seattle
Washington over Baltimore
Green Bay over Tennessee, with 51 total points being scored
Have at it.
My grandmother died of breast cancer. Okay, that might not be entirely accurate. She had two separate mastectomies ten years apart and then died from cancer riddling her body about 3-1/2 years later. The only positive thing is that she didn't really suffer much pain. Okay, 2 bouts of chemo and radiation kind of ruined a few days, but other than that...
One good thing came from living with someone dying from cancer, albeit over a long period of time: I learned that you shouldn't concern yourself with the possibility of dying because it's the living that's important. My grandmother's hair had fallen out, she had lost a lot of weight and she was taking more pills daily than the average pharmacist dispenses. Her comment on the whole situation? Simply this: "I've lived a long and happy life. What do I have to be bitter about?"
I don't know how I would handle it if I discovered that I was dying from cancer. What I do know is that I've been shown a great example to pattern myself after.
Anyway, onto the business at hand. It's time for the 3rd annual boobiethon.
For $50, you get to see the unedited NSFW photos. However, any amount will be graciously accepted. It's for a good cause, you see. The boobage is just a bonus.
Mama(that's what we called our grandmother), this post is for you.
Now that it's starting to get cooler outside, it's time to start thinking of things to make you feel warm and fuzzy inside. Okay, gassy too, but that's just a bonus. Anyway, I present to you a recipe for Chili Soup. No it's not watered down chili, but rather a hearty soup with some chili innards. The recipe is for a large batch-3 gallons- but can be scaled down if you have a smaller soup pot. It does freeze well, though. Enjoy.
Chili Soup(3 gallons)
Kidney beans, dried *** 2 lbs.
1) Weigh beans before washing. Wash beans. Soak overnight in cold water. Drain.
Margarine 6 oz.
ground beef 6 oz.
green pepper, 1 ea.
chopped 10 oz.
onion, chopped 1lb.6oz.
chili powder 1/2 oz.
curry powder 1 Tbsp.
garlic, crushed 1 clove
2) Cook beef, pepper, onion, chili powder, curry powder and garlic in margarine until meat is browned.
Beef stock 1-1/2 gal.
tomato puree 2 qt.
salt 1/2 oz.
pepper 1/4 tsp.
sugar 2 oz.
worcestershire 1 Tbsp.
3) Add stock, drained kidney beans, tomato puree and remaining seasonings. Bring to a boil. Cover and simmer until beans are tender, 2 to 2-1/2 hrs.
flour 6 oz.
cold water 3 cup
4) Mix flour and water. Add to soup. Simmer 15 minutes. Remove from direct heat.
***3 lb. drained, canned kidney beans may be substituted for each 1 lb. of dried kidney beans.
I have no comments to make about this story. No wait, I do. W.T.F.?!
Since quirkies roll off the site quickly, here it is in all of its horrible glory:
Charlize Theron says she would love to marry Ozzy Osbourne.
Although she is dating actor Stuart Townsend, the Oscar-winning beauty has confessed she has a huge crush on the rocker and would love to be his wife.
She said: "I have this thing about wanting to marry him. I like those older guys. I have this weird nurturing sense."
Charlize has returned to the set of her new movie, Aeon Flux, after recovering from a neck injury.
"People said that Edwards won the debate?! You're killing me!"
I'm sick of hearing about how "Bush banned stem cell research!" That meme pisses me off so much that I want to kick it, stab it, stomp on it and then set fire to it. And then pour gasoline on the fire. Red Sugar makes a more polite case against that lie. Thanks to Dean for the link.
Have you ever handed a sales clerk a twenty dollar bill, only to have him ask, "Do you have anything smaller?" Imagine his response if you plopped this onto the counter.
I was so busy changing diapers on the most beautiful girl in the world(outside of my wife, of course) that I missed Kim du Toit posting skin pics of Rose McGowan. Yes, she boinked Marilyn Manson. Yes, she can appear freaky in interviews. And no, I don't give a rat's patootie.
So CBS won't conclude their investigation into the fraudulent documents they attempted to foist onto the American people because they don't want to tamper "with the presidential race". Funny, I don't remember them being that reticent about affecting the presidential race by using forgeries. Maybe I'm being too hard on them. Nah.
Update: So Hindrocket is more eloquent in his assessment. Sue me.
It all comes down to carrots (liberals) or sticks (conservatives). By the way: if you’re in a rush and need to run, here’s the spoiler: You can offer a carrot. Not everybody likes carrots. Some people may hate your carrot. Your carrot may offend people who worship the rutabaga. But no one likes being poked in the eye with a stick. That’s universal.
I’m a stick man. I wish it were different. But part of growing up – in fact, the essential part of growing up – is realizing that wishing does not make it so.
Folks, it’s time to reach down deep and get in touch with our inner adult.
Go read it... ah, you know the drill. Get started.
Vice Presidential nominee Edwards exposed as lightweight on foreign affairs by Cheney. I know, I know, peope vote for the top of the ticket, but the idea of that guy being a heartbeat away disturbs me a bit.
Oh, and John? That little pink thing over in the corner is your ass. Cheney meant to hand it to you, but you were too busy wiping the blood off of your face.
So the US Supreme Court has decided to hear a case involving eminent domain abuse. It seems that New London, Connecticut, decided that "public use" should be defined as something that creates more tax revenues than what is usually garned from personal property taxes on domestic dwellings. Let me be clear: if SCOTUS rules against the current property owners, we're done as a country. No more private ownership of property will be allowed. Oh, the fiction will be maintained when you decide to buy a house. The property will be all yours... until the local government decides to replace your neighborhood with a new Target store, or a hotel, or pretty much anything that generates more tax revenues. Once private property becomes essentially outlawed, we will no longer be citizens. We will be serfs serving our lord and masters in government, living off of whatever scraps they deign to give us.
Update: Jeff Jacoby weighs in on this topic in his typically erudite manner.
California's State Supreme Court ruled that Catholic agencies must provide contraception to their employees. The US Supreme Court declined to hear the case and thus the ruling stands. Excerpt:
"If the state of California can coerce Catholic agencies to pay for contraceptives, it can force them to pay for abortions," attorney Kevin Baine told justices in an appeal for Catholic Charities.
If I were the agency, I would thumb my nose and show my ass to the state. Just my opinion, of course.
Case in point is this story, wherein a man mistakes his penis for chicken neck and accidentally cuts it off. And it gets worse: a dog ate it. So long, willie. We knew ye well.
Update: Ace weighs in. Excerpt:
Now, I never mistook my penis for a chicken neck, but I did once erroneously believe that one of my testicles was a tangerine that would be very tasty blended up into a margarita, so I can sympathize with this guy.
Yes, I lost a testicle, but I did invent Mangerine Margarita Mix, and I'm now well on my way to being a multi-millionaire. As my Pappy used to say, no door closes without a window being opened.
Any. Minute. Now.
When it comes to the war on terror, President Bush means to keep our military strong and our country secure.
John Kerry, on the other hand, has all the attributes of the shape of water when it comes to telling us what he believes and what he'd do for America. Like incoming and outgoing tides, Kerry is content to go with the flow. In a dangerous world infested with sharks, Kerry would be chum at America's expense.
Thanks to Jonah for pointing out the link.
When I heard that Kerry had surged ahead in the latest Newsweek poll, I called bullshit immeditately, even before I checked out the underlying numbers. This was due, in part, to the polling of registered voters instead of likely voters. Any pollster with an ounce of honesty(this would apparently preclude most modern day Democrats, with Pat Caddell as the major exception) knows that likely voters are a far more reliable sample population to use. Also, this isn't the first time that the magazine had tried similar shenanigans. Remember right after the Democrat convention in 2000 when Gore surged ahead of Bush? Newsweek put Gore on the cover the very next week with the following headline: Gore by 10! Not surprisingly, the Newsweek pollsters had sampled registered voters. Why? Let's not put a happy face on that one: the magazine was trying to create an aura of inevitability around Gore's campaign. It might have worked, too, except that Gore showed everyone how much of an asshole he really was during the debates.
Anyway, enough with the history lesson. Powerline has the goods on Newsweek's latest attempt to put a happy face on the Kerry campaign. Excerpt:
UPDATE: Reader Meg Kreikemeier points out that according to RealClearPolitics, Newsweek's most recent poll included 345 Republicans, 364 Democrats and 278 independents. This compares to Newsweek's published data for their most recent prior poll, which showed President Bush with a comfortable lead: 391 Republicans,
300 Democrats and 270 independents. Yes, if you drop 46 Republicans and add 64 Democrats, you will get considerably better results for the Democratic nominee. This is a good reminder of why poll data always need to be taken with a grain of salt, especially until you see the underlying data.
We all knew that the MSM would be trumpeting "The Kerry Surge!™" in the event that the junior senator from Massachusetts managed to close the gap at all. I'm almost glad that I'll be back at work from maternity leave so that I won't have to watch Katie Couric and Matt Lauer ask questions such as this one:
"Is there any way that President Bush can climb up out of this hole, or is Kerry simply too far ahead now?"
Count on it.
Update: For the record, the first debate was a "must have" for Kerry. If he had tanked, the election would have been over. Democrats, as a party, head for the hills when their candidate looks like he's losing. This becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy and landslides ensue. All Kerry's performance did was to crystalize his base. Any Bush voters that are despairing out there should get smacked across the face. Hard. Ace has more. Excerpt:
Before anyone goes all to pieces, though, bear in mind that Bush's lead was just as ephemeral and soft as Kerry's momentum is at the moment. I think Kerry did himself some real good -- good that won't dissipate, and increased support that will remain permanent -- but that's only a fraction of the current shift of support.
Bush was up, then Kerry, then Bush, now Kerry (sort of). Voter sentiment does seem to be pretty volatile, and votes seem to swing according to whoever's getting the best press of the week. The winner might just be the man who has the last good news before the election.
Or the man who makes the next-to-last-mistake.
President Bush is even less articulate than usual tonight, in my opinion. Against almost anyone else, that might be fatal. However, John Kerry's mind-numbing recitation of his stump speech points might give me an aneurysm. Kerry needed to hit a homerun tonight. So far, it hasn't happened.