It turns out that we soon might have flying cars. Great. And here's what the story considers a higlight:
•Flying cars seen as a way out of congestion chaos
Now I can start worrying about a drunk driver crashing into the second story of my house. Ugh.
Update: Harvey is better than a spell checker; he's a link checker. I wonder if comes bundled with Microsoft Office? Nah. it would actually work then.
Looks like mokeys have picked up a filthy habit. On the plus side, we won't be paying for their healthcare as long since they'll die younger. Or something.
I flipped over to C-SPAN last night and saw Ron Silver onscreen. For a minute, I thought that the cable channel was televising a repeat of the DNC. I've known for a long, long time just how liberal Silver is. Supposing that he was just another leftist weenie, I usually ignored him. Imagine my surprise when I heard this line:
"Even though I am a well-recognized liberal on many issues confronting our society today, I find it ironic that many human rights advocates and outspoken members of my own entertainment community are often on the front lines to protest repression, for which I applaud them, but they are usually the first ones to oppose any use of force to take care of these horrors that they catalogue repeatedly."
About time someone in Hollywood said it. Afterwards, Silver spoke with Brit Hume on Foxnews and discussed his views. He was, of course, in favor of many liberal domestic policies. What I was unaware of, though, was that Ron favored a "muscular, pre-emptive military that should be used for humanitarian purposes." When asked by Brit what had finally moved him away from many of his liberal comrades, Silver mentioned 9/11. You'd think that that would be the defining moment for most people. Unfortunately, too many of the effete Hollywood ilk seem to have disconnected their brains from all logic and reason. Anyway, I misjudged Ron SIlver entirely, considering him just another mindless Hollywood leftist asshat. I'm glad to admit that I was horribly wrong and welcome his support in the war on terror.
Update: Here's the transcript of Silver's comments to the convention.
Update #2: Jay Nordlinger has more on Ron Silver. Excerpt:
I suppose the speech on Monday that I most enjoyed was that of Ron Silver, the liberal actor. He still considers himself a liberal — but, like Koch, he is a 9/11 Democrat. Before the GOP delegates, he said we must "never forget, never forgive, never excuse." He lingered over that phrase "never excuse," and it is, indeed, worth lingering over. He opined that we are "engaged in a war that will define the future of humankind" (I wish he had said "mankind," but I can't have everything). He stressed that the other side — TerrorWorld — started this war, and he pointedly referred to our "coalition" (something the Democrats in general are loath to do). And I really liked, "History shows that we are not imperialists" — so, cryingly true; rather, "we are fighters for freedom and democracy."
And I really, really liked his shot at "the entertainment community" for declaring a love of human rights and then doing everything possible to keep President Bush from advancing them.
Quite interesting was that he expressed support for our "commander-in-chief," as distinct from "president." Yes, this is a 9/11 Democrat; he wants that War on Terror prosecuted. And still more interesting was his interview with Brit Hume, later in the evening. He said that he was pretty much a domestic liberal — on abortion, on stem cells, on health care; and yet he favors school vouchers. (He mentioned, too, that he has supported SDI from earliest Reagan days.) As for the Left, they backed Clinton's "humanitarian interventions," and did not require that he obtain permission from the U.N. The Left would be supporting a lot of what's happening now — except that they are "blinded" by their "hatred" of George W. Bush.
Ron Silver is not blinded. When Hume remarked that he had fallen away from the Left, Silver responded that the Left had fallen away from him. In this, he sounded rather like President Reagan. I wish I could say more about Silver's speech, and that interview. I am grateful — really grateful — for him.
Update: Ace agrees that Silver gave a great speech. However, he does raise an interesting point that I had forgotten about. Excerpt:
Nice guy? Brave guy? Smart guy? This fucker killed Jean Claude Van Damme's wife, the delectable Mia Sara. What, we're all of a sudden just giving people a pass for that?
Can I second the sentiment about Mia Sara?
In the category of "forbidden desires", was I the only one who errrr sat upright when young Kelly Bundy (Christina Applegate) sashayed onto the TV screen during Married... With Children?
In a word: no.
Beth is looking for bloggers to host upcoming Carnival of Recipes. I've already volunteered for mid-October. The delay is due to the impending blessed event in the Geek household. Anyway, all you bloggers get out there and help a lady out. That includes girly men as well.
Just received the following in an email. I Googled the thing and found 353 links. So far. Anyway, since I don't have an original source, here's the thing in its entirety.
May 23, 2005
WASHINGTON, DC (AP) - Congress approved sweeping legislation, which provides new benefits for many Americans. The Americans With No Abilities Act (AWNAA), signed into law by President John Kerry shortly after its passage, is being hailed as a major victory by advocates of the millions of Americans who lack any real skills or ambition.
"Roughly 50 percent of Americans do not possess the competence and drive necessary to carve out a meaningful role for themselves in society," said Kerry, a longtime AWNAA supporter.
"This is why many of them voted for me. We can no longer stand by and allow People of Inability to be ridiculed and passed over. With this legislation, employers will no longer be able to grant special favors to a small group of workers, simply because they do a better job, or have some idea of what they are doing", said Kerry.
President Kerry pointed to the success of the US Postal Service, which has a long-standing policy of providing opportunity without regard to performance. Approximately 80 percent of postal employees lack job skills, making this agency the single largest US employer of Persons of Inability. Private sector industries with good records of nondiscrimination against the Inept include retail sales (72%), the airline industry (68%), and home improvement "warehouse" stores (65%).
President Kerry has also set an example, personally selecting hundreds of Nonabled people for top government positions, including many cabinet-level jobs.
Under the Americans With No Abilities Act, more than 25 million "middle man" positions will be created, with important-sounding titles but little real responsibility, thus providing an illusory sense of purpose and performance.
Mandatory non-performance-based raises and promotions will be given, to guarantee upward mobility for even the most unremarkable employees. The legislation provides substantial tax breaks to corporations which maintain a significant level of Persons of Inability in top positions, and gives a tax credit to small and medium businesses that agree to hire one clueless worker for every two talented hires.
Finally, the AWNAA contains tough new measures to make it more difficult to discriminate against the Nonabled, banning discriminatory interview questions such as "Do you have any goals for the future?" or "Do you have any skills or experience which relate to this job?" and "Are you awake?"
"As a Nonabled person, I can't be expected to keep up with people who have something going for them," said Mary Lou Gertz, who lost her position as a lug-nut twister at the GM plant in Flint, MI due to her lack of notable job skills.
"This new law should really help people like me."
With the passage of this bill, Gertz and millions of other untalented citizens can finally see a light at the end of the tunnel.
Said Kerry, "It is our duty as lawmakers to provide each and every
American citizen, regardless of his or her adequacy, with some sort of space to take up in this great nation."
If Boy(dot) George weren't an idiot, he'd wave the white flag. However, all indications are that he IS a mind-numbingly stupid, effete elitist idiot.
Vox wades in on a topic that has been beat to death throughout the years. However, he makes some cogent observations on how you know who is, and who isn't, your friend:
It's not easy being green, Kermit. Friendship can be difficult for many men, though it's not really that hard. It's just about having someone you trust watching your back, and watching theirs in return. But to have a friend you must first be a friend.
It's a two-way street. You have to accept the fact that sometimes you have to put them first, whether that involves not hitting on a smoking-hot girlfriend who's good-to-go or listening to the world's most boring soliloquy on the arcane minutae of import-export law for 45 minutes and occasionally asking questions instead of slitting your wrists. And in return, they won't even think twice about rolling you out of the drunken innermost secrets that have risen from the pit of your stomach thanks to the evils of the shot glass*, lying to anyone that needs lying to, and wading in to beat down someone they don't have anything against just because you can't keep your stupid mouth shut.
*That they bought, the bastards. And landed you in jail. On your birthday.
Asparagirl notes an historical event that is best remembered for what it didn't do. Excerpt:
Today is the 76th anniversary of the signing of the Kellogg-Briand Act, which outlawed war forever.
Or perhaps the problem was that then, as now, people somehow think that murderous dictators will give a shit about a piece of paper.
I always looked forward to a den Beste column. They were thoughtful and thought-provoking, designed to make the reader think about issues rather than simply emoting over them. Even the columns on topics that I had little interest in(Anime comes to mind) were a delight to read. Sometimes, the writing sparked some interest in me where none had existed. I've actually considered checking out some of the Anime series that den Beste has mentioned. Trust me: that would be big change for me.
So Rachel Lucas left
permanently for a while, recharging her batteries as it were. Here's hoping that Steve den Beste comes to a similar conclusion: take a break, but don't retire. The blogosphere needs you, or someone like you. For however long you're gone, you will be missed.
Harvey says no one can quit cold turkey from "blog-crack". Here's hoping that he's correct.
Well, here's the link and here are my two results for "Which Movie Are You?" and "Which Famous Leader Are You?"
All I can say is, WTF? Increases my sexual options? I was a freaking physics major. You want a surefire conversation killer while talking to a cute coed? Just wait until she asks the dreaded question: "So, what are you studying?" I even tried the generic "Science." as answer. Unfortunately, a more specific question as to which science was sure to follow. Ugh.
A while back I paid a visit to our local bookstore (I live in southern New Jersey) with the intent of checking out the new release Michael Moore Is a Stupid White Man. I looked on the new-release, bestseller, new-non-fiction racks — nothing. I wandered around for a while and then headed up to the information desk. The clerk, a thirty-something reject from a Grateful Dead concert, smiles at me. Here's a fairly accurate transcript:
CLERK: How may I help you?
ME: I'm looking for Michael Moore Is a Stupid White Man.
C: (still smiling) You mean Stupid White Men by Michael Moore . . .
M: No. Michael Moore Is a Stupid White Man. It's a new release.
C: We don't have it.
M: Are you sure? It's very popular.
C: (taciturn) Never heard of it. (Looks past me) Can I help the next person, please?
M: Excuse me, but can you check on your computer?
C: (very annoyed) Fine. (Bangs away at the keyboard. Scrolls down the screen at warp speed) No. Doesn't exist.
M: Wait — there it is.
C: (extremely annoyed) Oh . . . um . . . Yesss. We only received one copy. It's in the back.
M: Where in the back?
C: (loudly) In the political science section!
I checked out the section. The book was nowhere to be found. I walk back to the desk.
M: Pardon me, but I couldn't find it.
C: (Curses under her breath and slams her pen on the counter. Slams swinging door. Marches to the back of the store)
I could not believe what she did next. She grabs a step ladder and climbs up. The book was lying flat on the top row of books — with the spine toward the back so you couldn't see the title. She grabs the book, climbs down, slams it into my chest. Her face is beet red and she screams: "HERE!!! ARE YOU HAPPY NOW, YOU FRIGGIN' FACIST!??!"
I was shocked, Mr. Nordlinger. This wasn't a mom-'n'-pop outfit. It's one of the largest booksellers in the Northeast that aren't Barnes & Noble.
So I figured, Okay, time for some Brooklyn diplomacy. I walked up to the counter again.
ME: Excuse me: Do you have Treason by Ann Coulter? In the bestseller section? I couldn't find it . . .
Some things are just too good not to share.
I question the timing of this story. President Bush called John Kerry's Vietnam era service "more heroic" than his own. The bastard.
And, of course, I forgot to submit a recipe this week. Urk. Anyway, go over to Beth's place and check out the yummy goodness.
I've hopped on board as a mirror for this site. Funny how John Effing Kerry won't allow any more copies to be printed, isn't it?
The New Soldier, by John Kerry
Jay Nordlinger rankled me a bit in today's Impromptus. Here's the offending excerpt:
I must tell you which people I most contemn right now, here in America: conservatives who will not vote for Bush, or who have "reservations," because he's not pure enough. "Oh, his spending, oh, his steel tariffs [which were imposed for like two seconds]!" Come on: There's a war on. Don't these people know it? Will there ever be a weightier contrast between the two major candidates? Will the stakes ever be higher? I mean, this is 1864-ish.
I must say I retch at these conservatives, about whom I read. (I'm not talking about the anti-war, anti-Bush conservatives: I'm talking about the ones who are for the war, but who draw back from support of Bush because, like just about every politician — necessarily — he's impure.) They seem to me, above all, immature: to misunderstand democracy, to reject politics, to give off whiffs of totalism.
Donald Sensing has a far better grasp of the situation than Rich, and he manages to present his point without the condescension. Nordlinger obviously does NOT get it.
Yes, I'm still a blog for Bush, but only because of the WOT. The M-F bill was and is an abomination. If it doesn't become the most flouted law in the history of this country-and I'm including Prohibition here- then this country will deserve what it gets. Now that a little piece of the 1st Amendment has been chipped away, more are sure to follow.
Update: Not surprisingly, Spoons feels a little less love towards Nordlinger.
Update #2: Someone could have mentioned that I typed Rich Lowery's name instead of Jay Nordlinger's in my original post. I'm just sayin', is all.
Red Neck Lessons Learned
Never take a beer to a job interview.
Always identify people in your yard before shooting at them.
It's considered tacky to take a cooler to church.
If you have to vacuum the bed, it is time to change the sheets.
Even if you're certain that you are included in the will, it is still considered tacky to drive a U-Haul to the funeral home.
When decanting wine, make sure that you tilt the paper cup, and pour slowly so as not to "bruise" the fruit of the vine.
If drinking directly from the bottle, always hold it with your fingers covering the label.
ENTERTAINING IN YOUR HOME
A centerpiece for the table should never be anything prepared by a taxidermist.
Do not allow the dog to eat at the table...no matter how good his manners are.
While ears need to be cleaned regularly, this is a job that should be done in private using one's OWN truck keys.
Proper use of toiletries can forestall bathing for several days.
However, if you live alone, deodorant is a waste of good money.
Dirt and grease under the fingernails is a social no-no, as they tend to detract from a woman's jewelry and alter the taste
of finger foods.
DATING (Outside the Family)
Always offer to bait your date's hook, especially on the first date.
Be aggressive. Let her know you're interested: "I've been wanting to go out with you since I read that stuff on the
bathroom wall two years ago."
Establi sh with her parents what time she is expected back. Some will say 10:00 PM; Others might say "Monday."
If the latter is the answer, it is the man's responsibility to get her to school on time.
Crying babies should be taken to the lobby and picked up immediately after the movie has ended.
Refrain from talking to characters on the screen. Tests have proven they can't hear you.
Livestock, usually, is a poor choice for a wedding gift.
Kissing the bride for more than 5 seconds may get you shot.
For the groom, at least, rent a tux. A leisure suit with a cummerbund and a clean bowling shirt can create a
Though uncomfortable, say "yes" to socks and shoes for this special occasion.
Dim your headlights for approaching vehicles; Even if the gun is loaded, and the deer is in sight.
When approaching a four-way stop, the vehicle with the largest tires always has the right of way.
Never tow another car using panty hose and duct tape.
When sending your wife down the road with a gas can, it is impolite to ask her to bring back beer
NZ Bear maintains the Ecosystem and the Weblog Alliances, both of which get lots of exposure. However, if you're not paying attention, you might not have noticed that he's a pretty fair writer, too. Excerpt:
At this point, the Kerry campaign's belief that they can hold their opponents to one set of standards while blissfully ignoring the fact that their own partisans trample upon those same standards has passed being stupid, and is now becoming downright insulting. Did they really think that nobody would bother to check if the Democrats were similarly sharing lawyers with 527's?
That kind of carelessness might have cut it a few years ago, when somnolent Big Media hacks were satisfied to define reporting as getting quotes from both party's spokesmen. But times have changed, friends: there isn't just one new sheriff in town, there's thousands of us. We will fact-check your ass, and we will do it thoroughly and properly, with links and primary sources that let our readers decide where the truth lies. So straighten up and fly right, because we are watching --- and we do this crap for fun.
Baby seal. Club. You make the call.
The latest Alliance homework presents an interesting dilemna: do I attempt to answer factually, or do I simply snark my way through the assignment. I guess it doesn't matter because whatever I write is almost guaranteed to be more accurate than the major news outlets. In any event, here's the deal:
What excuses will the "unbiased" major media outlets give for not covering Kerry's lies about Viet Nam?
1) "I've been busy standing in line for tickets to Michael Moore's next
pack of lies documentary, scheduled for release in late 2005."
2) "Uh, umm, well... Hey! Look over there! It's Elvis!. Yo King!"
Note: Yes, this has been done before. Sue me.
3) "What? I can't hear you! My head's too far up John Kerry's ass!"
4) "Vietnam veterans are all evil! They lie all the time! I refuse to print anything they say when... excuse me, Senator. I didn't see you. Of course we'll run photos of you in a Speedo."
5) "Facts? We don't need no steenking facts."
6) "Mistakes were made. And there is no controlling legal authority...."
7) Reporters too busy investigating the horrible
rugby war crimes of President Bush to be bothered with insignificant details such as John Kerry lying about his Vietnam experience.
8) Mainstream media types are unable to make any intelligible statements concerning Kerry's record because their mouths are already busy fellating the two Johns 24x7.
9) Reporters have been too busy participating in the BusHitler Olympics, where events include Ignoring Reality, Arsenice-in-the-drinking-water and Old Lace, Destroying Pristine,
Mosquito Infested Alaskan Wastelands Nature Preserves and Pin The A-bomb on Iraq Because It's All About OOOIIIIILLLLLLL!!!!
Rounding down: an idea whose time has come, but it will never catch on.
I haven't read any of the John Kerry biographies, mostly because I haven't had a chance but also because someone said that if I jabbed a spoon into my eye I wouldn't have to.
So, here's how I see John Kerry through my one good eye. He went to Vietnam out of a mix of ambition and patriotism -- hardly an uncommon mix. He idolized JFK and he was a good liberal off to fight what was, until then, a liberal war. He was disillusioned by what he saw, but eager to get his credentials while there (hence the rather rapid accumulation of Purple Hearts of dubious merit). When Richard Nixon was elected, he suddenly saw that that the war was a loser for aspiring liberal politicians. I base this point almost entirely on the fact that not once have I heard Kerry refer to Vietnam as LBJ's or JFK's war but I've heard him denounce Nixon ad nauseum. Indeed, the "I was in Cambodia" line usually seems framed as a slap against Nixon, even though he wasn't even sworn in yet.
Kerry comes home and, partly because he's from Mass. partly because he has horrendous political instincts and partly because all of his liberal friends back home have turned anti-war, he assumes that being anti-war is a great career move. So he switches and switches hard. Obviously, real conviction is part of the story too. But since he seems to have wanted to be president from the womb, his conviction is always shaped through the prism of his ambition. So for the better part of two decades, Kerry runs on his anti-war, anti-military credentials.It slowly dawns on him that anti-Vietnam credentials may have played well to get him elected in the most liberal state, they don't win that many points in the states necessary to become president. Indeed, neither does the 20 year Senate record he amassed. So, suddenly, he's running for president as if his entire career is nothing but a parentheses and his qualifications are based almost entirely on the fact he "reported for duty" thirty years ago. Now that that duty is being scrutinized, he's getting the flop-sweats because he has absolutely nothing else in his record or his personality that would help him get elected president in 2004.
Your Economic Issues score is 80
Your Social Issues score is 85
A Michael Moore supporter was speeding in a 35 mile per hour zone when a local police officer pulled her over and walked up to the car. The officer also happened to be a Michael Moore supporter and she asked for the Michael Moore supporter's driver's license.
The driver searched frantically in her purse for a while and finally said to the Michael Moore supporter policewoman, "What does a driver's license look like?"
Irritated, the Michael Moore supporter cop said, "You dummy, it's got your picture on it!"
The Michael Moore supporter driver frantically searched her purse again and found a small, rectangular mirror down at the bottom. She held it up to her face and said, "Aha! This must be my driver's license" and handed it to the Michael Moore supporter policewoman.
The Michael Moore supporter cop looked in the mirror, handed it back to the driver and said, "You're free to go. And, if I had known you were a police officer too, we could have avoided all of this."
I've decided to take time out from my fits of pique over this year's presidential election by linking to something that exists to help people: Strengthen the Good. Excerpt:
The Idea & Call To Action
Create a network of bloggers who raise awareness of “micro charities”—charitable opportunities that are simple, personal, non-bureaucratic, and inspiring. Charitable opportunities where someone can feel great about giving $1, or even just from reading the story of the charity, it’s sponsors, and it’s beneficiaries.
I’ll find them, if you’ll link to them. Every third Sunday night at Strengthen The Good I’ll post about a micro-charity with enough detail that people can qualify the charity and feel good (or even inspired) by what the charity stands for and who it benefits. I won't ask for donations; the mission is only to raise awareness.
Great idea, and I'm glad to be a part of it. And here's the first worthy cause: Hurrican Charley Disaster Relief Fund.
Maybe not, but we can make certain that their poor widdle self-esteem doesn't get bruised. Apparently, having papers graded with red ink was deemed too harsh, so some schools are switching to "friendlier" purple. Funny, I thought that red ink really illuminated the mistakes I made. I must have been misinformed. My teachers were just attacking me and I never knew it. Barf.
That is, if you want your candidate to lose. Check out this timeline. Excerpt:
Now there were many more things that I could have added in but I think you get the idea. Whoever is running the Kerry Campaign has no clue, no strategy and no control over the message that the campaign should be getting out. They pinned their hopes on presenting Kerry as a decorated war veteran and pretty much nothing else. That strategy is coming back to haunt them in a big way.
With the Swift Boat ads doing damage to their candidates credibility - the Kerry Campaign now wants to focus on issues but the questions raised by the Swift Boat Veterans for Truth remain unanswered and claims of wanting to run an issues oriented campaign ring hollow when one considers that the DNC was pretty much issue free.
"I'm John Kerry and I approved this message."
Okay, the last bit is from me. Mheh.
The first Carnival of of the Recipes is up. Lots of good looking stuff to gorge myself with. I'd better up my weekly running mileage.
In an unrelated note, Beth blew my cover. Now people won't yell "Geek!" at me when I walk by. Ah, who am I kidding? Of course they will.
Well, well, well. Turns out that the US men's basketball team isn't the sole repository of petulance at the 2004 summer games. Svetlana Khorkina complained that the "fix was in" for the women's all-around gymnastics competition. Excerpt:
Khorkina did not think Patterson was a deserving winner.
Asked if the American was a worthy opponent, she said: "I've seen a much tougher opposition than her. Let's see how long she can remain on top. Can she keep going and compete in two more Olympics like myself."
Maybe Carly Patterson will never win another gold medal in her life. However, the Whiny Asshat competition has already been won by the Russian. For life.
I cannot vouch for the authenticity, but here's an email and a picture that I received from someone, theoretically from Wisconsin:
The picture was taken on Route 38 in Racine County, Wisconsin.
Here I was thinking that Wisconsin was rather anti-Bush and pro-Kerry.
Could I have been mis-informed?
It's a warm fuzzy feeling to be from the Badger state if there are folks
there who think like whoever installed this ceramic art.
Gotta love it. It is so much better as a graphic, especially in full view of the travelling public and all over the internet.
Pass it on, unless you are inclined to give a, excuse the pun, crap for the Johns.
Originally posted at my old site and I've been too lazy to move my archives. So here it is reposted:
Jennifer posted a recipe for caramel apple cheesecake over at Munuviana. Despite not being a Munu person/thingy/whatever, I'm posting my old recipe for pumpkin cheesecake. The recipe was originally for 4 cheesecakes(I used to work in a commercial kitchen), but the quantities have been scaled back for a single cake. When I cooked for a living, almost no one else made pumpkin cheesecakes. Now, it seems like everyone and their brother makes their own, including the big warehouse stores such as Costco. Whatever. This recipe is the best.
1 7/8 pounds cream cheese(worried about the fat? Use some Neufchatel)
5/8 cup brown sugar
1/3 cup sugar
3/8 cup flour
1 1/4 tsp cinnamon
1/2 tsp ground cloves
1/2 tsp ground ginger
1/2 tsp ground nutmeg
1 1/4 cup pumpkin puree
5/8 cup sour cream
1/8 cup rum
1 Tbsp vanilla
Approx. 30-49 ginger snaps
Approx. 1/4 cup butter
1) Grind up ginger snaps and mix with enough melted butter to bind together
2) Cream together cream cheese, brown sugar and sugar. Beat eggs and add to
cream cheese mixture.
3) Add flour and the rest of the ingredients. Mix well. I suggest using the
beater attachment on your mixer, but it's up to you.
4) Grease a springform pan(10" preferred, but 9" will also work). Press the ginger
snap mixture into the pan to form the crust. Pour mixture into the crust-lined
pan; gently shake to remove air bubbles. Bake in 350 degree oven in a water bath
until the center is set.
***Note: If you have trouble with the cheesecake cracking, lower the temperature of
the oven to 300F and bake for 1 hour. Turn the oven off and let the cheesecake
sit in it for about 45 minutes. Chill before serving.
Carnival of the Recipes. I may not be a cookbook author, but 16 years of cooking in a commercial kitchen gives me a little ammunition. I plan on submitting recipes weekly. And making/eating the recipes from others. Woo Hoo!
So I heard recently that Venomous Kate had resumed blogging, which to me sounded like good news. Then I stumbled onto this post. Apparently Kate has been suffering some really horrible GI problems. Having been through similar issues, although nowhere near as severe, I can certainly sympathize with her distress. While she's got more tests upcoming, Kate has started medicating herself with exercise. She has more energy, she's lost weight and her symptoms have lessened. Imagine that.
I'm a firm believer in the benefits of regular exercise. I used to be a gym rat. Back when I was a full-time college student and a full-time employee, I still managed to average 1-2 hours a day of exercise. Consequently, I never managed to put on any weight. However, after child #1 arrived, I kind of slowed down, spending all of my free time at home with my family. I figured that family time was more important than silly old exercise. The thing is, I managed to bulk up to the tune of 20+ pounds the last couple years. And no, none of it was muscle. I finally figured out that fat plus little exercise equaled shorter life expectancy, which kind of plays against my spending time with my family. And child #2 is almost here. My time isn't about to become more free.
So I started running again. No gym to worry about, no time wasted driving. Just head out the door and get started.
I used to love running. Less than 10 years ago, I completed my 6th half-marathon. I ran only for fun; I'm slow. The once-a-week long training runs were great. They gave me time to think about things while my legs were on auto-pilot. I used to debug my computer programs in my head while running.
CAUTION! GEEK AHEAD!
Now imagine my horror at how my body responded when I hit the road again.
First step: not too bad.
Second step: this hurts a little.
Fifth step: I think I'm dying. Please make it stop hurting.
Each day I had a run scheduled, I did it. And it hurt like Hell. Then a funny thing happened. I had a run of 50 minutes one evening and not only did it NOT hurt, it felt pretty darned good. Not surprisingly, I've shed 15 pounds the last couple of months. My clothes fit better, I feel better and I don't snore anymore. For the record, I didn't start snoring until I passed the magical 215 pound mark, which I guess is my Mendoza fat line. A side benefit is that I've got more clothes to wear now without having to buy any. Call me an optimist, but I knew that sooner or later I'd fit into my regular stuff again.
Anyway, stop by Kate's place and wish her well. She's got a very special test upcoming involving the flexible sigmoidoscope. I remember that I really, really hated that freaking test. Ten years ago, they didn't sedate you either. Or maybe it's that they didn't sedate ME. Regardless, go by and wish her well.
So Microsoft's much ballyhooed SP2 fix for Windows XP doesn't work; hackers are able get around the fixes. I'm telling you right now: embrace the Penguin.
So the "Fat Darrell' has been named the best sandwich in the country by Maxim magazine. It contains, french fries, fried cheese and fried chicken strips. And don't forget the marinara. It wouldn't be healthy without that. The article also mentions the "Fat Mojo", which is a Darrell with honey instead of marinara. I'm betting that I can guess name of the sandwich if lard were used instead.
"Does this suit make me look fat?"
::squeeze, squeeze:: "Doesn't feel fat"
Let me get this straight: John Kerry is complaining about how the President lets others(527 groups) do his dirty work. Um, are you fucking kidding me, you sanctimonious, pretentious hypocrite?
Update: Dean, as usual, provides a more eloquent dissertation on the subject.
Update: John Cole provides ample evidence of Kerry's disingenuousness, and he does it while remaining pretty even-tempered. Someone has got to tell me how to manage that when confronted with such egregious nonsense.
Maybe this: HAAAAMMMMMMMM! And it's pronounced Hahm, not Ham.
After teaching class last night, I purposefully turned off the radio in my car so that I wouldn't hear any Olympic updates; I wanted to watch the men's all-around competition without knowing in advance who won the darned thing.
Anyway, Hamm had performed well during the first 3 rotations. He actually led at that point. Then disaster struck: he fell during his vault. Not a big step, not a stumble. Hamm fell off of the mat onto his ass. I'm not a gymnastic judge, but I've developed a pretty good eye over the years; usually I can make a good guess as to what the final score will be. So when Hamm's bottom hit the floor, I looked at my wife and said, "That isn't just first place he lost. He may not even medal now."
However, I should have known better. Whenever the US team was in dire need of a big score, Hamm had provided. Apparently, he performs better when coming from behind. So he hits the parallel bars and pulls in the second highest score in this year's competition for the men, a 9.837, which moved him up from 12th place to 4th. Did I mention that he had dropped to 12th after his fall? No? Well, pretty strong move back into medal contention.
The final apparatus was Paul's strongest, thie high bar. And he performs a nearly flawless routine, finishing up by sticking the landing. His final score, another 9.837, vaulted him over two South Korean gymnasts into first place, becoming the first US male to win a gold medal in the all around gymnastics competition.
I've watched lots of athletes over the years. Lots of times, when one of them stumbles, they just give up, finishing with a puny effort. Watching Paul Hamm made me remember why I enjoy watching sports: skill, hope and determination combined into single moment, which an athelete has spent his entire lifetime working towards. To me, that's what it's all about.
So far, anyway. From the outrageous keyboard of Ann Coulter:
The problem with a suck-up press for Democrats is that with no adversary press to call them on it, Democrats develop wilder and wilder Walter Mitty fantasy lives until finally one day, when they are at the zenith of their political careers, someone notices that they're not Irish, they didn't deserve their war medals, 254 swiftboat veterans hate them, and they didn't spend Christmas Eve, 1968, in Cambodia.
I make lots of posts about drinking/brewing/drinking beer. What I fail to mention, maybe, is that I do the majority of my imbibing at home, where the couch is my designated driver. More or less. Anyway, here's a handy chart for you to know when- or when not- to drive. It provides your blood alcohol content based on your weight and sex. Sorry women, but beer affects you differently than it does men. Be aware that the "drinks" column indicates the number of 12 ounce(5% ABV) beers, 5 ounces of wine, or 1.25 ounces of 80 proof liquor. If you like big beers as much as I do, adjsut your number accordingly.
|Drinks||Body Weight in Pounds|
|Drinks||Body Weight in Pounds|
Today is Wictory Wednesday. Every Wednesday I ask my readers to volunteer and/or donate to the Bush campaign if they haven't done so already. And if you have volunteered and donated, then get a friend to join you. It's the only way to defeat the lying liberal media.
If you're a blogger, you can join Wictory Wednesday simply by putting up a post like this every Wednesday, asking your readers to volunteer and/or donate to the president's re-election campaign. Be sure to visit these fine participating blogs:
Protein Wisdom has discovered that
the skanky whore Jessica Cutler has accepted a new endorsement deal. He has the Photoshopped photgraphic evidence. Oh and be smarter than me. Empty your mouth of Diet Dr. Pepper before viewing. Hey, don't say I didn't warn you.
Update: I didn't follow my own advice before scrolling down to this post. Fortunately, they don't charge me for using the paper towels here at work.
Well, here's a "pledge" that I can fully support. Excerpt:
And the truly neat thing is that, unlike our counterparts on the Left, WE won't have to make shit up to do it - John Kerry himself will hand us all the ammo we need, just as Bill Clinton did before him. We won't even have to lie. *snicker*
Sa'ang-fori. The gloves are off. No remorse. No quarter. No surrender. No nicey-nice pussified mealy mouthed "Well, we know that you guys lied through your teeth with the complicity of the media slandering us and Bush for the past four years to get your way, and now that your guys is in, we're like, better than that so you get a free pass and we'll be nice".
Heh. Bullshit. My narrow half-breed libertarian ass we will. You guys just thought Clinton got the treatment. ;)
So get ready for the next eight years, because whichever candidate "wins", it's gonna be a hell of a ride. *wolf's grin*
Thanks to Little Miss Attila for pointing it out.
Harvey takes a brief respite from his normal blogging ways to post about his father, in whose foosteps he aspires to follow. Like most people, I don't want the worse part of "for better or for worse" to happen. However, if the unthinkable should occur, I hope that I am able to aquit myself as well.
Alpha Patriot has the lowdown and the links. Excerpt:
...Take a look at the top 25 contributors to 527s for the 2004 election cycle. Who do you think tops the list? George Soros?
No, Soros is second with a measely $12.6 million, well behind Peter Lewis who has thrown out over $14 million.
How far down the list must you go to find a conservative? Carl Lindner is tied for tenth place just a little over one million dollars. Paul Singer is tied for 22nd with half that.
Together, they account for just 2.6% of the $57,713,283 donated to 527s by the top 25 donors.
Liberals account for 97.4% of the top donations to 527s, giving over $56 million.
Yet they myth continues that it is the Republican Party that is the party of the rich.
Roy F. Hoffman, a retired admiral and chairman of Swift Boat Veterans for Truth, said the first TV ad, which ran for one week in Ohio, Wisconsin and West Virginia at a cost of $550,000, got so much national news attention that it generated an additional $400,000 from 8,000 donors around the country.
Doing the math, the average donation from these 8,000 people is $50.
To match the donations made by 23 rich liberals, 1,123,865 people would have to donate $50 each.
As soon as I make this post I'm going to go change that number to 1,123,864.
By now- I hope- everyone has heard of Bugmenot.com. You can retrieve fraudulent email addresses and passwords that will allow you access to those &*$*&^$ "register at our site first" news sites. There is a flaw, however: some sites will send you a link to your "registered" email address that will allow you access to their site. This presents a problem in that you can never retrieve the access info. Or can you? In the comments to a post over at Vox Day, someone pointed me in the direction of the Spam Gourmet. Here's the lowdown:
How spamgourmet works
If you give your email address to everyone, you are bound to receive spam emails, and you won't know where they came from. Wouldn't it be convenient to give a different email address to every business or web site, while getting all your email as before? Wouldn't it be easiest to assume the address will be given to spammers, and have it shut off automatically unless you decide otherwise?
That's exactly what spamgourmet offers! There is nothing to install on your computer, and once you're set up, it's likely you won't ever have to come back here. This is what makes spamgourmet one of the most convenient and effective ways to avoid spam.
Arm yourself against spammers in three easy steps:
1. If you haven't done it yet, create a spamgourmet account. Enter your user name and your forwarding email address. You will be asked to identify the word in a picture and pick a password.
2. Spamgourmet will forward to this address all the emails sent to your spamgourmet disposable addresses -- hence the name forwarding address. Of course, this forwarding address must exist. That's why you have to confirm it. You'll receive an email asking you to confirm.
3. After you have confirmed your forwarding address, you can give out self-destructing disposable email addresses whenever you want. The disposable addresses are like:
where someword is a word you have never used before, x is the number of email messages you want to receive at this address (up to 20), and user is your username.
For example, if your user name is "spamcowboy", and BigCorp wants you to give them your email address (on the web, on the phone, at a store - it doesn't matter), instead of giving them your real address, give them this one:
This disposable email address will be created here the first time BigCorp uses it (you don't have to do anything to create it), and you'll receive at most 3 messages, forwarded to your forwarding address. The rest will be indelicately consumed.
It's beautiful, man. ::sniff::
Image found at Nealz Nuze:
Okay, it's a tangential relation at best. Hwoever, the Puppy Blender links to this interview with Gary Gygax, the former insurance salesman who created Dungeons and Dragons, a game that I spent lots of time playing. Hey, it's no accident that I call myself a Geek.
The results are in. However, I'm sticking with the car. Scooping poop isn't really my thing.
Harvey has a lengthy post about the Alliance's first year. It's a worthy trip down memory lane. There is some damn fine humor to be found amongst all of the links. Go check it out. And if you're a newbie blogger, or an established one looking for a home, check out the rules. Fame, fortune and ridicule can all be yours. Okay, maybe just the last one.
Everyone with an ounce of sense knew that President Bush would arrive in Florida not long after Charlie passed through, appearing with Jeb around the state. This would let everyone know that the President really cares(actually, I believe that he does, so this isn't a swipe) about their misfortune and would be bringing the resources of the government to bear to help rebuild the areas devastated by the hurricane. So imagine my surprise(not) when I was reading Nealz Nuze this morning and saw the following rant:
Now this was probably the most transparent, idiotic, moronic and childish moment of the campaign thus far. When John Kerry was asked about President Bush's visit to Florida after the passage of Hurricane Charley, he had nothing but criticism. Kerry said that Bush should have waited to visit, because Bush's visit would divert the efforts of "first responders." There isn't an American alive with enough sense to operate a can opener who doesn't know that if Bush hadn't made a visit to Florida within a few days after the hurricane Kerry would be citing Bush's absence as proof that he doesn't really care about the people of Florida.
Slowly ... day by day ... John Kerry reveals to the American people just what a pompous, overstuffed, elitist jerk he is. Hopefully enough Americans will see the real Kerry before they make him our president.
Sadly, that may not be the case. Anyway, here's to you, John Kerry. I give you the special middle finger salute. You asshole.
Update: And I thought that the whole Christmas in Cambodia could be a problem for Kerry. Turns out that Captain Ed is on to an even bigger story. Excerpt:
Bingo! Yachtzee! Alston received his serious wounds in that same exact battle that took Peck out of service. On January 29th, Alston was medevaced out to a hospital with head wounds and no records indicate that he ever returned to the unit. Kerry took command of PCF-94 the next day. Alston never served a day under Kerry's command. In fact, Kerry received a replacement, Fred Short, on 28 February as a replacement for Alston.
Holy crap! Did the Dem's really not check out their candidates credentials or did they just figure that, regardless of the truth, the media would cover for them? I'm leaning towards the latter possibility, of course, but that's only due to a lifetime's worth of paying attention. Here's my prediction: the Swift Boat Vet's story, in of itself, won't adversely impact Kerry's campaign in a statistically significant way. However, the growing number of provably false statements about his service in Vietnam will ultimately prove the undoing of the Senator's presidential campaign. And don't be surprised if, should things continue to go badly for Kerry, the Torricelli option is explored by the Democrats.
Update #2: More details here.
I'm about to the point now where I have to suppress my gag reflex when one of my liberal Democrat friends uses the "tax cuts for the wealthy" canard. Well, here's an example that you can use to poke holes in their little argument. I realize that economic education in this country sucks, so this example uses simple mathematics. Okay, people in this country aren't great at math as a rule either, but I have to start somewhere. Here goes:
Let's assume a 2 taxpayer economy(it's a small country). Person A makes $10,000 a year. Person B earns $100,000 a year. Both pay 10% of their earnings in taxes. Let's work out the numbers:
1) Taxes paid by person A- $1,000
2) Taxes paid by person B- $10,000
Person B currently pays 91% of all taxes; he also earns 91% of all income. Easy, right? So now let's give the people a tax cut.
1) A receives a 50% tax cut, reducing the amount he pays annually to $500.
2) Person B receives a 10% tax cut, reducing the amount he pays to $9,000.
"Look!" you say. "B received a $1,000 tax break while A only received a $500 cut. Person B therefore received 2/3 of the total tax cut. Unfair!"
Okay, let's interpret what's happened. You are correct that B has received a greater dollar amount reduction than A. However, as a percentage of their taxes, A received a 50% reduction while person B received only a 10% reduction. Translation: B now pays 9% of his salary in taxes while A only pays 5%.
1) A pays $500 a year
2) B pays $9,000 a year
Person B now pays 94.7% of the total tax burden while still earning only 91% of all income. Yes, he received a greater total monetary tax cut, but percentage-wise, he's now paying a greater share of the overall tax burden. Now let's move on to a more realistic example. Same people, same salary, but different tax rates.
A still earns $10,000 a year and his tax rate is 10%. B hasn't gotten a raise in salary, so he still earns $100,000 a year. However, his tax rate is now 20% because it's fair that he pay a higher rate. After all, he can afford to. Right? Anyway, here's the taxpayer breakdown:
1) Taxes paid by person A- $1,000
2) Taxes paid by person B- $20,000
Person B currently pays 95.2% of all taxes. Let's provide a tax cut for this example:
1) A receives a 50% tax cut, reducing the amount he pays annually to $500.
2) B receives a 5% tax cut, reducing the amount he pays to $19,000.
Once again, B garners a $1,000 tax cut while poor old working stiff A only gets a puny $500 cut. B now pays a tax rate of 19.5% while A pays only 5% of his income in taxes. How does this affect the overall tax burden? Person B was paying 95.2% of all taxes before the cut. After the government lets him keep a little bit more of his money, he now pays 97.4% of all taxes. And still, poor old B earns only 91% of the total income in this small country.
"How can this be? The "rich" received twice as large a tax cut in each example, but his total share of all taxes increased! I'll ignore the result because it must be wrong."
Uh no, it isn't. So pay attention: if you already pay the vast majority of the taxes, any tax break that doesn't pretty much exclude you will give you a large dollar amount cut than someone paying diddly squat. Even then, that cut may not mean much as a percentage of your income. Not that you-the evil, evil rich- will turn down the tax cut. However, the reality is that you didn't receive anywhere near the same percentage cut as someone on the lower end of the income spectrum.
Class is over now. Club this simplistic information over the head of the
baby seals strident income reditributionists you meet.
So scientists are creating super-monkeys. I guess I ought to visit the Statue of Liberty while I still can. Without being hunted by apes on horseback, of course.
But crap like this makes me call bullshit. Excerpt:
An 8-year-old girl who suffers from a rare digestive disorder and cannot consume wheat has had her first Holy Communion declared invalid because the wafer contained none, violating Catholic doctrine.
First let me say this: bullshit. And let me add this: complete bullshit. The act of communion is a symbolic one, with the bread representing Christ's body and the wine representing his blood, which was shed for us. But the church is claiming that if the wafer doesn't contain unleavened bread, it's not real communion. Sorry, you can never share in the sacrament if you don't eat wheat. A little gluten can hurt you? A lot? Not our problem; it's your's.
In my opinion, Jesus is hawking up a big loogie in Heaven to splot these assholes with.
Update: John Cole puts takes Catholic Church doctrine out to the woodshed. Let me reiterate my position: this is complete and utter bullshit, and anyone who tries to hide behind doctrine-translation: some self-described infallible man's opinion passed off as gospel- isn't worth arguing with.
I actually look forward to Friday the 13th. Good things usually happen to me on those days. Counter-intuitively enough, 13 is my lucky number. In any event, I thought that I present to you some possible origins of Friday the 13th. I've always leaned towards the definition from Norse mythology myself. Excerpt:
Another suggestion is that the belief originated in a Norse myth about twelve gods having a feast in Valhalla. The mischievous Loki gatecrashed the party as an uninvited 13th guest and arranged for Hod, the blind god of darkness, to shoot Baldur, the god of joy and gladness, with a mistletoe-tipped arrow. Baldur was killed and the Earth was plunged into darkness and mourning as a result.
For those unfamiliar with why mistletoe was chosen, think Achilles heel. Every thing in the world had promised to not harm Baldur, the exception being mistletoe because it seemed so innocuous. Whoops.
Readers of this blog know that I love cats, having 3 in my house already. However, I've never suffered this guy's fate. Something tells me that Pinky's finding a new home soon. Oh, and make sure that you've got your sound turned on.
Update: Over at Outside the Beltway, James offers his point of view:
The logic here elludes me: He did something that was sufficiently bad that he must resign the governorship--but not bad enough that he can't wait three months plus? Apparently, he's a gay Democrat before he's a gay American.
Outside the Beltway breaks out the whooping stick to fisk an email from Mary Beth Cahill into a raw, bloody mess. Money quote:
In fact, we may live to regret it for four long years. Join with me in supporting the Democratic Party today.
Mary Beth Cahill
I was actually going to send you $87 billion. But now I'm not.
Help is on the way!
Found this posted over in the Neal Nuze:
FRANCE TROUBLE FOR LANCE
We learn this morning of troubles for six-time Tour de France winner Lance Armstrong. It seems the French are preparing an announcement that Armstrong will be stripped of his 6th title due to negative results from a random check for contraband. Residues of three substances banned by the French have been found in tests; toothpaste, deodorant and soap.
Today is Wictory Wednesday. Every Wednesday I ask my readers to volunteer and/or donate to the Bush campaign if they haven't done so already. And if you have volunteered and donated, then get a friend to join you. It's the only way to defeat the lying liberal media.
If you're a blogger, you can join Wictory Wednesday simply by putting up a post like this every Wednesday, asking your readers to volunteer and/or donate to the president's re-election campaign. Be sure to visit these fine participating blogs:
I've been lax in my Alliance duties lately. I can already here your question: How is that different from any other time? Uh, um, Hey! Look over there! It's Elvis!
Anyway, I need to start trying my hand at humor once in a while, because discussing politics all the time is starting to make my head throb. Granted, reading my sorry ass jokes is likely to make your head throb, but then it's no longer my problem, right? Right. On to this week's assignment: What are some clues that someone might be a terrorist? Well, there are several things that might tip you off:
1) While purchasing an airline ticket, if the person inquires as to what meals are served in the automatic section versus those served in the semi-automatic section, that might be a clue.
2) If you see a guy wearing a "Mom and Dad blew up a busload of children and all I got was this lousy T-shirt", that might be a clue.
3) If a person stops by the airport store and asks if condoms are sold in packs of 72, because he doesn't want to impregnate his virgins, that might be a clue that he's a terrorist.
4) If that same person asks to purchase 72 flotation devices, relax; he's not a terrorist. It's just Ted Kennedy on his way to campaign headquarters.
Yes, I know that that smacks of heresy. However, in my defense, I point you to the concluding from this article:
Now we get to see if there's any pride left in the newsroom. Do any of these writers, reporters and producers resent getting played by Kerry? If so, payback will be stiff. Too early to tell whether Bush-hatred trumps anger at getting suckered. More to follow ...
It's not too early. Clearly, Bush-hatred trumps all else. I haven't seen such water carrying since Gunga Din.
Update: Tim Graham makes the same point here, only he does it better than me. Excerpt:
The mere fact that we're at this embryonic stage of Kerry's biography in August shows the lack of media vigilance about Kerry's resume. If anyone would question the timing of the current Swift Boat vets campaign, they are correct. They could have started in May at the National Press Club. They could have started in February, when Terry McAuliffe and the Democrats drew two weeks of meticulous network pounding of George W. Bush's service in the Texas Air National Guard. (For example, take CBS's John Roberts on February 12: "Officials hoped the release of Mr. Bush's dental records would end the matter, but the dentist who treated him has no specific recollection of seeing the future president.")
But they should have been exploring this story on their own in January, when Kerry broke out of the Democratic pack through powerful and repeated war heroism stories. Since Sen. Kerry began putting his Vietnam experience into biographical overdrive before the Iowa caucuses, it might have seemed like an obvious task for reporters to assess Kerry's service in greater detail. But they did not. They are more interested in electing Kerry than telling us about him.
I don't know what else to think of this article. Excerpt:
The Los Angeles City Council on Tuesday gave preliminary approval to a proposed ordinance that could hamper plans by Wal-Mart Stores Inc. to build supercenters within city limits.
The council overwhelmingly endorsed a proposal that would require Wal-Mart and other retailers to show that their nonunion discount stores would not hurt jobs, wages or businesses in the surrounding area, as union leaders and competitors claim.
I love the smell of kowtowing to special interests in the morning. It smells like bullshit.
Someone's been waving a red blankie in front of Serenity apparently because she's out for blood in this post. Excerpt:
People don’t think for themselves, people lie all the time and people allow others to lie to them and they accept these lies as gospel truths because they refuse to research things or get a second opinion or read or whatever it is they need to do to find out the “truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth” behind things they hear.
I’m sick of liars. But I’m even more sick of those who allow it to happen, shrug their shoulders and look at me as if I’m out of line for demanding truth. If you have any self respect at all, you’ll stop lying, you’ll stop accepting lies and when you hear people lying to you; friends, family, co-workers, actors/actresses, activists, “film” makers, on the campaign trail and you’ll start to see just how out of control this country has become.
You want solutions for the ills in this country? You’ll start seeing it when people stop lying and start taking responsibility for their own actions.
Let's hope this nations decides to discard its collective victimhood soon. Otherwise, I weep for the future.
Well, this looks pretty silly at first glance. In fact, it seems downright stupid when you look at it more closely.
Presented without additional commentary.
So say I based on this article. Excerpt:
Democratic presidential nominee John Kerry said on Monday he would have voted for the congressional resolution authorizing force against Iraq even if he had known then no weapons of mass destruction would be found.
I think that John Kerry, like Teddy Roosevelt, is going to inspire a stuffed animal. Kerry's will be called the Pander Bear.
Update: Neal Boortz has a similar response:
Yesterday while campaigning at the Grand Canyon (no doubt stumping for the foreign tourist vote,) The Poodle said that he would have voted for the use-of-force resolution against Iraq even if he had know there would be no weapons of mass destruction found. Say what?
You've got to be kidding me. This is pretty rich. So let's get this straight: sKerry goes to the Fleet Center a couple of weeks ago, makes his speech accepting the Democratic presidential nomination and in his acceptance speech accuses the president of misleading the country into a war to remove Saddam Hussein. Then, a few weeks later, he tells us he would have done the same thing. Welcome to Splitting Hairs 101. Unbelievable.
He also includes this handy, dandy image as a reminder:
An email from back when jokes had to cut into a boulder and then rolled downhill to your neighbor.
What Makes 100%? What does it mean to give MORE than 100%? Ever wonder about those people who say they are giving more than 100%? We have all been to those meetings where someone wants you to give over 100%. How about achieving 103%? What makes up 100% in life?
Here's a little mathematical formula that might help you answer these questions:
A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z is represented as:
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26.
8+1+18+4+23+15+18+11 = 98%
11+14+15+23+12+5+4+7+5 = 96%
1+20+20+9+20+21+4+5 = 100%
2+21+12+12+19+8+9+20 = 103%
AND, look how far ass kissing will take you.
1+19+19+11+9+19+19+9+14+7 = 118%
So, one can conclude with mathematical certainty that While Hard work and Knowledge will get you close, and Attitude will get you there, it's the Bullshit and Ass kissing that will put you over the top
This story is, well, icky. I'm just glad that no picture was included.
Then they've got a funny way of showing it. Bush and Co. are really stetching my limits. Allowing sh*t like this to occur chaps my ass, but good. Excerpt:
Yesterday, those 13 Democratic House members got their surprising answer from the State Department – the administration will indeed invite foreign election monitors to observe the U.S. elections in November.
Assistant Secretary of State Paul V. Kelly, who handles legislative affairs for the department, affirmed the invitation this week in a letter to the 13 House members. They had requested U.N. monitors for this year's elections in an effort to avoid the charges of voting irregularities that plagued the 2000 election, the closest in history.
Now, the Organization for Security and Cooperation in Europe, the largest regional organization in the world with 55 participating nations, will monitor the U.S. election on Nov. 2. Members include Britain, France, Germany, Italy, Portugal, Russia, Spain and the United States.
What the effing F?! I swear to God that I'm about to yank the Blogs for Bush ad from my gutter and put up a "Vote Nader" ad instead. This is an entirely domestic issue and I'm livid that we've actually INVITED foreign countries to monitor our elections like the US can't properly govern itself. Maybe the OSC can guarantee that one candidate gets 99.9% of the vote like some of those 3rd world leaders typically receive. Asswipes.
Update: I should have guessed that Vox would be Johnny on the spot for this issue.
Update #2: Outside the Beltway is all over it as well. Money quote:
I know we're busy reforming our intelligence community. While we're at it, it's high time someone looked at the State Department.
Related update: Forget that nasty fermented grape juice. Beer is what you want to pair up with cheese. Excerpt:
Some of the suggested pairings:
- Mascarpone, a soft Italian-style cheese, with a Belgian-style Saison. The tangy beer will contrast nicely with buttery richness of the Mascarpone.
- Fresh Mozzarella and and a dark lager. Another nice contrast: In this case dark malts and sweet dairy flavors.
- Monteray Jack with Jalapeno and a bottle-conditioned winter warmer. A big, malty beer will stand up well to the hot peppers and Monterey Jack. A great combo in front of a roaring fire.
- Smoked Gouda and bock beer. Another beer for cool days, smooth yet with enough toastiness to take on the mild smokiness of the cheese.
No word on whether you're supposed to drink a beer per cube of cheese or per wheel of cheese. And no, I don't go to a cardiologist. Why do you ask?
Loosely related update: Now here's a Discovery Channel program that I plan on watching. A firetruck is being converted into a brewery. That's what I like: some old-fashioned recycling.
Sad update: I am so going to miss this year's GABF. However, I'll be celebrating the birth of my second child about then. I'll be sleepless, unshaven and somewhat groggy. It'll be just like being at the GABF.
Oh goody. It looks like my local beer festival has been scheduled for the due date of child #2. I'm going to have a few words for the event planners. This is not acceptable. However, it looks like I'll be able to participate in this event: Teach A Friend To Homebrew Day on November 6. Stay tuned to this site for more details. Maybe I can convince a few others to take up this hobby. Perhaps a post brew beer swap would be useful? Just a thought. Mmmm, beer.
Because I keep mentioning it and Harvey keeps asking about it.
Note: Animated images found around the web.
A herd of buffalo can move only as fast as the slowest buffalo. When the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and the weakest ones at the back that are killed first. This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and health of the whole group keeps improving by the regular culling of the weakest members.
In much the same way, the human brain can only operate as fast as the slowest brain cells. Excessive intake of alcohol, we all know, kills brain cells, but naturally it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first.
In this way, regular consumption of beer eliminates the weaker brain cells, making the brain a faster and more efficient machine. That's why you always feel smarter after a few beers.
The date in question? April 22, 2005. What am I talking about? Go here to find out. I, for one, cannot wait.
Was reading Nealz Nuze(this is the permanent archive link as of tomorrow) this morning and saw the following snippet:
A STUCK PIG SQUEALS
In this case the stuck pigs are several congressional democrats. They're squealing like babies because they don't like the Fox News Channel. They've written a letter to Rupert Murdoch, the HWMWIC of the corporation that owns Fox News Channel with a demand; to wit:
"The responsibility of the media is to report the news in an unbiased, impartial, and objective manner. It seems clear that the Fox News network has a deliberate bias [that] has the effect of improving the president's standing with the American people on the basis of not news, but disinformation."
Signatories include Jan Schakowsky of Illinois, John Conyers of Michigan and Pete Stark of California, staunch leftists all. We are making phone calls to the offices of Schakowsky, Conyers and Stark to see if they will share with Neal Boortz Show listeners some examples of the Fox News Channel disinformation campaign that causes them so much concern. For well over six months we've presented a challenge to Boortz listners; a challenge to call the show with just one example of bias in the news reporting of Fox News Channel. Six months, my friends, and not one single valid example has been presented. Perhaps some of these congressional Democrats will rise to the challenge.
The problem here is that Democrats are dismayed that so many Americans are now tuning to a cable news channel that does not present a clear left-wing bias. Leftists and Democrats are so used to the blatant liberal bias that exists in the media that they mistakenly view a lack of such bias as evidence of some sort of a right-wing conspiracy.
It goes without saying that if a group of Republicans sent a similar letter to CBS about Dan Rather, the usual suspects would already be storming the castle.
I had my semi-annual review at work this week. We solicit input from lots of people so as to get a pretty good handle on what things we can improve upon. One comment reminded me of this post by LeeAnn and left me dumbfounded:
He sometimes uses words in his emails that force me to look them up in the dictionary.
Imagine my surprise. After all, the little dimwit could actually spell a word as large as "dictionary". I did mention to my manager that I didn't actually consider this an area that needed improvement in my performance. Fortunately, she agreed.
Mike delivers as fine a rant as I've ever seen. If any politician-any party-said this at a news conference, I'd join his/her campaign immediately.
First Rachel Lucas comes back to blogging. Next, Mean Mr. Mustard-version 2.0- is back in business. And now I just discovered that Kelley is blogging again. Woo hoo! Yes, I realize that I was probably the last person to notice. So what?
WASHINGTON, DC—In the interest of national security, President Bush has been asked to stop posting entries on his three-month-old personal web log, acting CIA director John E. McLaughlin said Monday.
So Russell Wardlow has resumed blogging again. For those that don't remember, he used to host Mean Mr. Mustard. Then he
joined the Dark Side went to law school. Apparently, he resumed blogging as Floyd the Chimp. Now he's created the improved Mean Mr. Mustard 2.0. Anyway, thanks to Harvey for pointing it out. Bang, zoom, back into the blogroll with you.
I believe that lots of people in this country have blotted out the memory of 9/11. Asshats such as Michael Moore I ignore; they don't factor into the equation because they hate this country. The majority of people, though, are trying to NOT remember because it's too painful. Well, that's too bad. I want to feel the pain again. I want to be reminded of how horrible things were and could be again if this country doesn't try and exterminate the pieces of garbage that want to kill us. Today, Harvey links to some images that I want everyone to look at carefully because the mainstream media types don't want to show them to you again. Look. And remember.
Michele posted a real doozy today. Apparently, someone calling himself the Angry American thought he could humiliate Michele by dredging things that she had written years ago, before her move to the Right. One of the things that I've long appreciated about Michele is her complete honesty about who and what she is. She makes no attempt to hide what some might consider warts because she believes(and rightly so, I think) that you are who you are because of your past. I'm certain that Angry American thought he could score points by throwing Michele's words back in her face, probably because he can conceive of someone admitting that they were ever wrong. Who wants to bet that this person scrubs his blog archives any time his pronouncements are proven incorrect? Naah, we all know that's a sucker bet. In any event, I'll present just a small snippet of Michele's post here. You know what to do after that.
Well, hindsight is interesting. We're still very much a broken country. But I suppose it will always be that way. I was naive to think that something of that magnitude would bring us all together permanently. I really, honestly thought that I wouldn't be the only one crossing that line and embracing the other side. And no, it didn't happen overnight, it didn't even happen after those two "defining" moments. It takes time to break free from the things that hold you down. And, like my separation from my ex, it took time to work up the courage to say, I cannot live like this anymore.
So, yes. I did say those things Angry American wrote and I thank him (her?) for bringing those words out again, to remind me of how far I've come personally, from a time when I could barely look at myself in the mirror to now, being very comfortable with who I am. There was a lot more than politics mixed into the path from here to there, but the letting go of that part of me was a big part of it.
I'm sorry, Mr. Angry American, but your desired results are probably quite the opposite of what you were attempting to do.
This insane, deranged, cowering Long Island housewife kindly asks that you kiss her proud American ass.
Back in psychology class, we discussed a case of woman who had suffered from hiccups for a couple of years. She made television appearances and became something of a minor celebrity. Some company offered a $10,000 reward to anyone who could help her stop. A psychologist took them up on the offer. 15 minutes after appearing on stage, the woman's hiccups had stopped. However, she then went into therapy to discover the underlying reasons for malady. How did the psychologist affect the a cure so rapidly? Aversive counter-conditioning. You might be familiar with the process, if not the term, especially if you've watched A Clockwork Orange. Electrodes were attached to the woman's hand and every time she hiccupped, she received a small electrical shock, which was large enough to be painful. Anyway, it looks like a politician has been hospitalized with hiccups for a few weeks.
Update: Harvey correctly pointed out that I had failed to mention the reason for the original post. Link to story now included. I must need more caffeine.
I can't find a transcript of last night's The Tonight Show With Jay Leno, but Dennis Miller had one of the best lines about Kerry's Vietnam service. I'll paraphrase as best I can:
"I think John Kerry is a decent human being and I appreciate his service for you country in Vietnam. WE GET IT. God, I haven't seen someone get so much mileage out of a bad boat ride since Gilligan."
I Googled a bit this morning to find a transcript of last night's show. Anyone?
At least, that's the idea you'd get listening to liberal dipsticks these days. Latest to use to Bush-is-the-reason-for-everything-I-don't-like excuse is actress Sharon Stone. Money quote:
Actress Sharon Stone says a puritanical streak running through America created by President Bush prevented her from kissing Halle Berry in the newly released film "Catwoman."
Stone, 46, wanted to enjoy a lesbian moment with her co-star, but the current conservative climate in the country just wouldn't allow it, she concluded, according to Ireland Online.
This is a huge, steaming pile, fresh out of the horse's ass. I hope that Bush wins this November if for no other reason than to piss off the effete Holllywood elites for four more years. I'm sick of being forced to listen to their vapid drivel. "Hey, listen to me! I'm on TV/in the movies, so I must be smarter than you." Assholes.
Looks like little Miss Blackfive has arrived. Congratulations, Matt.
Update: Little Grace has arrived. Go by and congratulate the new daddy.
I haven't mentioned Senator Kerry's Purple Hearts and the wounds that earned him those medals, probably because others have covered the ground so well. Also, the guy might be an asshat, but ::drumroll:: he did serve in Vietnam, if only for 4 months, and I like to give kudos for serving this country. However, I cannot resist linking to this post over at Barking Moonbat Early Warning System. Check out this imageL
Found this story via Vox and I have to admit that this scares the living crap out of me. Not so much the breaking of the law by the police(remember, they're not the law, they're supposed to uphold it) because, heck, it happens fairly frequently. What bothers me is the willingness of the sheep in Wisconsin to quietly aquiesce to this type of nonsense. If that mentality is widespread in this coutry, then we are all doomed. Really, really doomed.
So some liberal women watch Fox News all day, noting every instance where they think the coverage slants to the right. It's kind of funny, actually. Conservatives have had to suffer through explicit and implicit bias from the major networks and CNN for decades. Saddam Hussein captured? The world is less safe. A Democrat discovered to have broken the law? The timing is suspicious. Etcetera, etcetera, ad nauseum. Now a news channel comes along that doesn't automatically equate Bush to Hitler every day, and this is a problem how? I guess that having your left-of-Mao ideas refuted daily must have driven some people insane. For what it's worth, conservatives wouldn't have to sit down with pen and paper, hoping to catch Dan Rather in some sort of left-biased pronouncement. It's almost a foregone conclusion that his bias will appear as soon as he opens his mouth and end when he closes it.
Looks like I might be brewing day-before-the-SAT elixir. At least, according to this article. Excerpt:
Those who downed the equivalent of half a bottle of wine or two pints of beer a day scored best of all. The effects were apparent even after the results had been adjusted to take into account factors such as physical and mental health.
Guess I'd better get busy on Alliance Beer 2A.
I really like being able to link to her again, especially since Rachel appears to have completely spurned her former retirements and has taken up regular blogging again. In any event, she presented a little snippet about Ben Affleck about which I was ignorant, probably because I rarely watch Bill "Ego the size of the Sun" O'Reilly anymore. Excerpt:
6. Ben Affleck is a decent human being. Who'd have guessed it from someone who could be in love with J.Lo? It seems to be true, though. Good. One less Hollywood type that I have to call an asshat, because he really isn't one. Sure, he's a diehard Democrat and is stumping for Kerry, I don't care. He said to O'Reilly that he disagrees with Bush's policies but respects him nonetheless.
Now that is someone you can like: respectful disagreement without ad hominem pejoratives. It's just too bad that there aren't more Hollywood types like him.
Bush lied! Uh no, he didn't. Still more of those pesky facts that the screeching Bush-haters love to ignore.
Michael Moore lied?! Well duh. Excerpt from the altered newspaper:
A scene early in the movie shows newspaper headlines related to the contested 2000 presidential election. It includes a shot of The Pantagraph's Dec. 19, 2001, front page, with the prominent headline, "Latest Florida recount shows Gore won election."
The newspaper says that headline never appeared on that day.
The paper said the headline appeared in a Dec. 5, 2001, edition but was not used on the front page. Instead, it was found in much smaller type above a letter to the editor, which the paper says reflects "only the opinions of the letter writer."
"If (Moore) wants to 'edit' The Pantagraph, he should apply for a copy-editing job," the paper said.
When a Republican supports a Democrat, it's called bipartisanship. Should a Democrat have the unmitigated gall to support a Republican, it's a "disservice to the voters." Well, they're nothing if not predictable.
"How could Kerry have lost? I don't know anyone that voted for Bush!"
Trust me that you could hear a lot of this come November. Mark Steyn agrees. Excerpt:
Last year, I was at a Kerry campaign stop in New Hampshire chatting with two old coots in plaid. The Senator approached and stopped in front of us. The etiquette in primary season is that the candidate defers to the cranky Granite Stater's churlish indifference to status and initiates the conversation: "Hi, I'm John Kerry. Good to see ya. Cold enough for ya?" Etc. But Kerry just stood there nose to nose, staring at us with a semi-glare on his face. After an eternity, an aide stepped out from behind him and said, "The Senator needs you to move."
"Well, why couldn't he have said that?" muttered one of the old coots, as Kerry swept past us.
That's how I felt after the Convention: all week Senators Biden, Lieberman and Edwards made the case that the Democrats were credible on national security. Why couldn't Kerry have said that?
Because in the end he's running for President because he feels he ought to be President. That's his message to George W Bush: "The Senator needs you to move." And even then everyone else says it better.
A weapon that freezes you in place, while respiration and heartrate remain unaffected. Nifty.
Nutjobs get married in shark tank. Fortunately, the sharks in the tank were union members, and fedding frenzies aren't allowed on Saturdays.
Geek alert! And yes, I will be buying my own copy.
Villains beware: James Bond is turning into a mean green monster. Truthfully, I'm not thrilled with the choice. I see Timothy Dalton, the sequel for this actor.
Beer here! Those crazy-go-nuts members of the Wari Empire sure liked to party.
Oh no, the Sun could affect the Earth. In other news, water is still wet.
A new patch found for Microsoft's IE. It's named Opera or Mozilla.
This week's sign that the Apocalypse is upon us.
Head-in-ass disease has now spread to Romania.
The Kerry campaign could be on life support if the results of this poll are accurate. Excerpt:
The change in support was within the poll's margin of error of +/-4 percentage points in the sample of 763 likely voters. But it was nonetheless surprising, the first time since the chaotic Democratic convention in 1972 that a candidate hasn't gained ground during his convention.
I remember the results of the 1972 election. They weren't good for the Democrats. Looks like Senator Kerry's chances will now hinge on the debates. At least, that's my opinion. I could be wrong.
To all you coffee drinkers out there: ugh.
All I ever learned in physics could be wrong. Okay, that's overstating things a bit, but this theory, if proven true, will stand conventional wisdom on its head. And that's okay.
John Kerry demonstrates his famed nuance:
Update: My wife is sure to ask me why I won't eat at Subway anymore. Spoons links to the answer.