May 22, 2005

So you want to be a parent

You should consider the consequences carefully. John Cheese walks you through some things you maybe, just maybe, hadn't considered. Excerpt:


Test Yourself

If you’re thinking of having a child, you’ve obviously already pictured your happy baby, cooing and laughing happily in his happy crib inside your happy, happy home. You’ve thought of the joy it will bring when you hear his first “mommy” or “daddy” happily flopping out of his happy, smiling mouth. I’m sure you’ve even considered the unpleasantness of changing a nasty diaper, and decided that it was a necessary evil that you could live with. A happy necessary evil. But here’s an exercise that will help you get ready for the times in between these wonderful milestones.

Walk over to your stereo and flip it to AM radio. Don’t find a station. Instead, set the dial in between a station and static, so you get that high-pitched squeal, not unlike an emergency siren. Sit yourself six inches in front of your speakers and crank the volume as loud as it will go. Remain in that position for the next four hours.

While you’re doing that, pay a friend to randomly strike a match under your smoke alarm, and then vomit warm cottage cheese onto your shirt.

Did you make it through without setting your house on fire? If not, then you are not ready for a baby. Feel free to comb the rest of the site for fart and penis jokes. For those of you who did make it, congratulations. You’re one step closer to looking down the shirts of hot chicks as they bend over in front of you to fawn over your newborn.

Posted by Physics Geek at May 22, 2005 08:37 AM StumbleUpon Toolbar Stumble It!
Comments

Ah! So THAT's why men want to have children.

Quite clever, that :-)

Posted by: Harvey at May 22, 2005 11:16 AM

"Strangling hobos on the weekend"? Is John Cleese Evil Glenn?!

Posted by: Sally at May 23, 2005 06:50 AM

I wondered the same thing, Sally. Maybe we've got copycat Glenns on our hands.

Posted by: physics geek at May 23, 2005 09:43 AM