May 18, 2005

Evil Empire vs. Evil Empire

I received the following via email and have not located the source. Anyone who finds the link, let me know. Thanks.

Click on extended entry.

Update: Found it over at ESPN. Nick Bakay is the creator.

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Evil Empire
vs. Evil Empire

Category
 


"Star Wars"

 


Yankees

 
Advantage
Potent quotables
 
"Luke, I am your father."
 
"Pedro, I am your daddy."
 
Push – kids, no one wins with patricide.
Organizational goals
 
Utter domination and destruction of all
those who stand in the way.

 
Wait, isn't that what I just said?
 
Push
When the going gets tough, they:
 
Reach for their laser
 
Reach for the roster of the nearest small
market team.

 
"Star Wars," until that checkbook
pays for someone under the age of 30.

Title fights
 
Maul/Kenobi
 
Zim/Martinez
 
"Star Wars," and dignity
Biggest party animals in franchise history
 
Jabba the Hutt
 
Ruth, the Babe
 
Push
Home-field advantage
 
The Death Star
 
South Bronx – the other death star
 
Yankees
Who you meet in line for tickets:
 
A 29-year-old virgin with a plastic light
saber.

 
A 29-year-old felon with a plastic beer
bottle

 
"Star Wars"
You know a fan has sipped the Kool-Aid
when:

 
He thinks chicks dig a guy in a Darth
Maul mask that smells of sweat and acne medication.

 
He thinks George has mellowed.
 
"Star Wars"
You'll never lose ...:
 
Your spot in line, thanks to your officially
licensed "Revenge of the Sith" catheter.

 
A free agent, as long as they keep raising
the subscription rates for the YES Network.

 
Let's just move on ...
Uniforms
 
White storm trooper unis fashioned from
leftover Mazda 280Z panels.

 
Classic pinstripes left over from the
days when they were in first place.

 
Yankees
Tactics of victory
 
Rely on the Dark Force to lure the unwilling
with the promise of unlimited power.

 
Rely on the checkbook to lure the unwilling
with the promise of unlimited funds.

 
Push
Hired guns just there for the money
 
Boba Fett, Jango Fett ... hell, any of
the Fett's.

 
Mike Stanton, Mike Mussina ... hell, all
the Mikes.

 
Push
The price of disappointing your leader
 
You might lose a hand
 
You get to be one of 12 designated hitters
 
Yankees
Tall 'n hairy
 
Chewbacca
 
Randy Johnson
 
"Star Wars" – when was the
last time Chewie went on the DL?

Short 'n scary
 
Jawas
 
George's temper
 
Yankees
Laments
 
If only Jar Jar Binks had kept his mouth
shut.

 
If only Giambi had used "The Whizzinator"
 
Push
Elusive sources of power
 
The Force
 
The Juice
 
Yankees. You can get 'roids at any high
school gym

Leader of the Dark Side
 
The Emperor
 
The Steinbrenner
 
Yankees – who else can ooze power while
wearing a simple white turtleneck?

Every emperor needs a servant
 
Darth Vader
 
Brian Cashman
 
"Star Wars"
How the mighty have fallen
 
Darth Vader is now the voice of "Verizon
Wireless 411 connect"

 
Kevin Brown – still angry, still surly
and now awful.

 
"Star Wars"
The Resistance
 
The rebel forces
 
The Red Sox
 
Red Sox – they had a better year.
Fonts of wisdom
 
Yoda
 
Yogi
 
Yankees
Theme song
 
"Don, don, don, don-da-don, don-da-don!"
 
"New York, New York"
 
Yankees. Don't think Sinatra ever closed
a show singing "Don don don, you kookie don, doodle-di-don!"



Posted by Physics Geek at May 18, 2005 08:23 PM StumbleUpon Toolbar Stumble It!
Comments

Mazda 280Z???
More proof that media writers need to get a few clues before they hurt themselves.

Posted by: Mythilt at May 19, 2005 02:00 PM