April 16, 2005

Humor waayyy past it's expiration date

I found this in my old email logs. It's old, and it was only marginally funny a decade ago. But what the heck. It IS my blog, after all:

THE TOP TEN REASONS TO BUY A PENTIUM MACHINE ==================================================

10. YOUR CURRENT COMPUTER IS TOO ACCURATE

9. YOU WANT TO GET INTO THE GUINNESS BOOK AS
"OWNER OF MOST EXPENSIVE PAPERWEIGHT"

8. MATH ERRORS ADD ZEST TO LIFE

7. YOU NEED AN ALIBI FOR THE I.R.S.

6. YOU WANT TO SEE WHAT ALL THE FUSS IS ABOUT

5. YOU'VE ALWAYS WONDERED WHAT IT WOULD BE
LIKE TO BE A PLAINTIFF

4. THE "INTEL INSIDE" LOGO MATCHES YOUR DECOR PERFECTLY

3. YOU NO LONGER HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT CPU OVERHEATING

2. YOU GOT A GREAT DEAL FROM JPL

And the #1 reason to buy a Pentium machine:

1. IT'LL PROBABLY WORK


Q&A: THE PENTIUM FDIV BUG
============================

Q: How many Pentium designers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: 1.99904274017, but that's close enough for non-technical people.

Q: What do you get when you cross a Pentium PC with a research grant?
A: A mad scientist.

Q: What's another name for the "Intel Inside" sticker they put on
Pentiums?
A: The warning label.

Q: What do you call a series of FDIV instructions on a Pentium?
A: Successive approximations.

Q: Complete the following word analogy: Add is to Subtract as Multiply
is to:
1) Divide
2) ROUND
3) RANDOM
4) On a Pentium, all of the above
A: Number 4.

Q: What algorithm did Intel use in the Pentium's floating point divider?
A: "Life is like a box of chocolates." (Source: F. Gump of Intel)

Q: Why didn't Intel call the Pentium the 586?
A: Because they added 486 and 100 on the first Pentium and got
585.999983605.

Q: According to Intel, the Pentium conforms to the IEEE standards 754
and 854 for floating point arithmetic. If you fly in aircraft
designed using a Pentium, what is the correct pronunciation of "IEEE"?
A: Aaaaaaaiiiiiiiiieeeeeeeeeeeee!


TOP TEN NEW INTEL SLOGANS FOR THE PENTIUM
===============================================

9.9999973251 It's a FLAW, Dammit, not a Bug
8.9999163362 It's Close Enough, We Say So
7.9999414610 Nearly 300 Correct Opcodes
6.9999831538 You Don't Need to Know What's Inside
5.9999835137 Redefining the PC -- and Mathematics As Well
4.9999999021 We Fixed It, Really
3.9998245917 Division Considered Harmful
2.9991523619 Why Do You Think They Call It *Floating* Point?
1.9999103517 We're Looking for a Few Good Flaws
0.9999999998 The Errata Inside

Posted by Physics Geek at April 16, 2005 04:41 AM StumbleUpon Toolbar Stumble It!
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