September 15, 2004

This just in...

Here's a headline for you:

Dan Rather molests small furry animals!

Okay, that headline is obviously fake. However, the words are accurate because it reflects the thoughts of homeless psychotic wandering around the CBS headquarters. Time for the investigation to begin. Here are some questions:

1) How long have you been molesting squirrels?

2) Do you climb up the trees yourself or do you catch a ride on a cherry picker?

What do you mean, these aren't valid question? So the headline is fake. The story must be true because someone wants to believe it. Why won't Dan Rather answer these questions?

Note: Hey, the crap I just posted makes as much sense as this story in the NY Times.

Memos on Bush Are Fake but Accurate, Typist Says

I have to say, this story initially angered me. Now, I'm at the point where I just point and laugh. These freaks are deserving of scorn, but all I can muster is ridicule.

Update: Jonah makes a similar point, albeit much funnier:

Meanwhile, Dan Rather has dug in for dear life, ridiculing his critics and dismissing pretty much anyone who has eyes to see the truth as a "partisan," while the CBS front office continues to break off bits of it credibility like a man who feeds an alligator one body part at a time. A CBS spokeswoman told the Post: "In the end, the gist is that it's inconclusive. People are coming down on both sides, which is to be expected when you're dealing with copies of documents." Translation: We can't prove the source is true, but you can't prove it's not.

Well, since this is the new standard, I would like to announce my next column topic right now: Dan Rather has eaten fifteen German Shepherds in the last year alone and he considers himself the Warrior King of the planet Blarnack. I have just printed out documents that back up my story. It is for CBS to prove me wrong.

Update: Okay, it's not really an update; I'm just too damned lazy to make another post. Excerpt from Hugh Hewitt:

What did CBS miscalculate? Everything, including the impact of the blogosphere, and including the change that Florida 2000 brought about. Forgeries intended to influence the outcome of a presidential election, like the attempted suppression of the absentee ballots of the military in Florida by the Gore-Lieberman camp in December 2000, are outrages --outrages widely recognized and detested by Americans of routinely calm demeanor. These voters --casual watchers of politics, not ordinarily focused on the inside baseball stuff-- have had it with Terry McAuliffe, Michael Moore, Howard Dean and now Dan Rather. Maybe some of them weren't sold on Bush, but now they are. Disgust is a powerful thing, and CBS has disgusted the center. It is important that this network be humbled so that no network in the future is tempted to pull a similar stunt.

One final thought: I found this comment in this post by Ace:

CBS: These documents are fake, but it doesn't matter, the stuff about Bush is true anyway.

Public: How do you know it's true?

CBS: These documents say so.

Public: But they're forgeries.

CBS: Maybe they are forgeries, but it doesn't matter, the stuff about Bush is true anyway.

Rinse. Repeat.

Final update: Found this over at

CBS Now Says Announcement Will Be Made at 5:00 p.m.
Sources: Will admit docs are false but content is not

Are you motherf***ing kidding me?!

Posted by Physics Geek at September 15, 2004 04:03 PM StumbleUpon Toolbar Stumble It!

eating dogs...
molesting small animals...

Dan Rather is actually Glenn Reynolds! :-)

Seriously, though, good post.

Posted by: Harvey at September 15, 2004 07:42 PM

A first for me. :-/

Posted by: physics geek at September 15, 2004 07:47 PM