September 01, 2004

PGH assignment

I'm back. Thank you for your patience.

This week's PGH assignment: What is John Kerry's "secret plan" for the war in Iraq?

1) Have the Iraqis drive ambulances. The sound will alert John Edwards that it's time to sue.

2) Teach the Iraqis snowboarding. Then have those sonabitchin' Secret Service agents can knock them down.

3) Rename the War on Terror. Presto, change-o, the WOT is ended. The Vacation with Elves, though, will have just begun.

4) Give Ted Kennedy a job as a taxi driver in Iraq and tell him every insurgent is actually a campaign staffer in disguise.

5) Another plus from #4 is that Teddy'd find lots of heretofore unknown water in Iraq. I mean, the man has a gift.

6) "Secret plan? Stop bothering me. I've got far more important things on my mind. Hmm. Will it be the Cabernet Sauvignon or the Merlot with dinner tonight?"

7) Airdrop Band-Aids with purple hearts painted on them over the insurgent positions. As soon as the terrorist affix the third bandage to themselves, they'll develop an overwhelming desire to stop fighting and go home.

8) An unfortunate side affect of #7 is that every terrorist will feel obligated to start telling how all of the other terrorists committed war crimes. No one will care of course because, duh, they're terrorists.

Posted by Physics Geek at September 1, 2004 09:15 PM StumbleUpon Toolbar Stumble It!

Ha ha. Vacation with Elves. I laughed till I stopped. Good show!

Posted by: el Seco at September 2, 2004 06:06 AM

"Stop bothering me. I've got far more important things on my mind". LOL!

Posted by: Sally at September 2, 2004 10:54 AM

LOL! #2 was my fav....

Posted by: Susie at September 2, 2004 07:18 PM