May 12, 2004

Precision guided humor assignment

And it's time once again to put my liabilities as a humorist on display. There's a new assignment up over at HQ. I just wish it were called "Lame Attempt At Humor Assignment". But we all have issues, right? In any event, here's the assignment:

What "facts" about Michael Moore would you include in a documentary about him?

Here is my predictably lame attempt. Predictable not because I don't actually have a sense of humor, but rather because Michael Moore pisses me off so much that it's hard to be funny about it like Frnak.

Fun "facts" about Michael Moore

Michael Moore is actually Jabba the Hut. That is, if Jabba the Hut were much uglier, fatter and smelled worse.

Update: Kevin provides a link which proves my point.

Update: Have I mentioned lately how happy I am that Rachel Lucas is posting again? Warning: objects in image are fatter than they appear.

When Michael Moore leaves the US to visit France, he simultaneously raises the IQ of both countries.

Twinkie sales drop, though. A lot.

Lilttle known fact: Moore played the Scarecrow in the Wizard of Oz. His wish for a brain wasn't granted.

He did get the fat ass and ugly face, though. Yelling "You're a fictitious wizard!" probably wasn't a good idea.

Moore was voted "most likely to have his face shoved in cow shit" in high school.

He's been the subject of some eloquant ranting.

And some horrible parodies.

Most of all, Michael Moore makes me want to cold cock him before I shit on his head. And that's a fact.

One more thing: because this fetid mass of (in)humanity inspires more bile than I can keep down, I've created an acrostic to dishonor him. Hopefully, this will lessen the pressure on my spleen.

Ode to a pretentious dickhead

Many are the things said about me:
I'm fat, a liar and a fraud
'Cause I'm a pretentious asshat.
Here's the reality for you:
Any time of the day or night,
Every one of those things is true,
Loser that I am.

Mostly, I'm a self-aggrandizing parasite.
On some days, I'll create a fake "documentary".
On others, I'll fabricate stories to hype my movies.
Really, what did you expect from me?
Evasions, distortions and bald-faced lies are my stock in trade.

Posted by Physics Geek at May 12, 2004 06:57 PM StumbleUpon Toolbar Stumble It!

"You're a fictitious wizard!"

I'm disappointed. That part wasn't lame at all!


Posted by: Harvey at May 13, 2004 03:07 AM

that ode is pure genius...

Posted by: Jesse at May 13, 2004 03:59 AM

LOL @ the France dig!

Posted by: Susie at May 13, 2004 05:33 AM

Thanks to all of you for the kind words.

Susie, as I've mentioned many times in the past, bashing France is our national pastime. At least, it should be.

Posted by: physics geek at May 13, 2004 04:00 PM

Hmmm... kinda quiet around here... should I start worrying?

Posted by: Harvey at May 18, 2004 05:39 AM

Guess I should have made the "I'm going on vacation post", huh? Oh well, I knew that I'd forget something.

Posted by: physics geek at May 19, 2004 01:27 PM