May 07, 2004

Filthy Lie

Last ditch effort for the latest assignment: What was Evil Glenn's first post?

(Note: My sister would kill me for this.)
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Evil Glenn's first post(s):

In the beginning, I created the blogiverse.

And the 'sphere was without Alliances, and empty; and my posts were
upon the face of the Internet. And thoughts of blending puppies and
murdering hobos fill my brain.

And I said, Let there be post #1.

And I saw the post, and that it was good; and I divided my posts
from the emptiness.

And I called puppies food, and the hobos I called
victims. And my first snack and murder concluded the first post.

And I said, Let there be a blog in the midst of the
posts, and let it divide my posts from those of others.

And I created my list of links, and linked only to those
who would not challenge my power while ignoring all others; and it was so.

And I called the lists "bloggers". And the snack and murder concluded the second post.

And I said, Let the bloggers be gathered together unto one place,
and let the bloglist appear; and it was so.

And I called the list "blogroll"; and I saw that it was good.

And I said, Let the blog bring forth links to spread my influence,
ads to bring me money, which in turn increases my power over all others;
and I saw that it was good.

And the snack and murder concluded the third post.

And I said, Let there be highlights to all of my blogroll links; and let them
be my followers for days and years to come.

And let my followers increase my sphere of influence throughout
the blogiverse; and it was so.

And I made two great blog constructs; the banner to proclaim my name
and the gutter to contain all of my ads and links.

And I set them into my blog to introduce me to the blogosphere,

And to increase my power and influence until I ruled the world; and I saw that
it was good.

And the snack and murder concluded the fourth post.

And I said, Let my followers bring forth puppies of all kinds so that I
might taste them all.

And I sampled Weimereiners and Dachsunds and Poodles,
and little toy Terriers that were in abundance. And I saw that it was good.

And I told the survivors, Be fruitful and multiply that I might always
have a tasty energy drink.

And the snack and murder concluded the fifth post.

And I said, Bring me many hobos and their friend,
the Louisville slugger, that I might satisfy my impulses.

And I bonked and bonked and bonked again. And
I saw that it was good.

So I created the blogiverse and my first follower
in my own image.

And I said to them, be fruitful and multiply and
cover all the Internet, and have dominion over
all the bloggers.

And behold I give you the Instalanche pursuant to
your linking to me every day; to you it shall be
web traffic.

And I saw every thing that I had made and it was
very good. And the snack and murder concluded the sixth post.

And on the seventh day I ended my evil toils; and rested on
the seventh day from all of my efforts.

Which was a major screwup because the Alliance came
to be. Indeed.

Posted by Physics Geek at May 7, 2004 09:05 PM StumbleUpon Toolbar Stumble It!
Comments

LOL!

I'm deeply disappointed by how much this didn't suck :-)

Posted by: Harvey at May 8, 2004 03:41 AM

ROFL!!! You have a way with parody, Matt!

Posted by: Susie at May 8, 2004 04:29 AM

Harvey, sucking takes zero effort; not sucking is too much like work.

Susie, glad that to oblige. I have a feeling that my next assignment will end up filled with bile because Michael Mooreis the topic. Laugh while you can.

Posted by: physics geek at May 10, 2004 01:42 PM

That's was great! Thanks for the laugh. :)

Indeed.

Posted by: Pink Kitty at May 11, 2004 12:59 AM